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Posts Tagged ‘BBC’

Hello!

“All the world’s a fence.”

Like doubts, we all have them or know someone who has them. Fences that is.

What does your Fence say about you?  Secondary Picket? Loosely Hinged? A Godfather? Weak Footings?

Who knows? Who cares! 

This month sees Peter Capaldi fill the boots of the Time Lord and begetter of utterly incomprehensible, contrived and convoluted plots – Doctor Who!

The BBC allowed Gfb’s Sci-Fi correspondent, Cedric Must-Get-Outmore, access to the Set and he managed to take this snap of The Doctor fighting new baddies The Creosoters.

 

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My fence is Ronsealed!

Last time Benedict Cumberbatch shared his Closed Border Fence with us. Looks like he and the Doc share a passion for the CBF!

 

cumberbnatch 2

Boo Bono!

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Hello,
Hermione Moist, the latest muse to pen an ode or two for GFB, outlines her appreciation of the great Welsh poet, drinker, shagger and slip-on wearer Dylan “The Rhyme Master” Thomas with a reworking of his classic 2012 poem Under Milk  Wood.
Udder Milk Wood (Apologies to Dylan Thomas)

It is Spring, moonless night in the small town, starless and bible-black, the cobble streets silent and the hunched, courters’-and- rabbits’ wood limping invisible down to the sloeblack, slow, black, crowblack, fishing boat-bobbing sea. The houses are blind as moles (though moles see fine to-night in the snouting, velvet dingles) or blind as Captain Cat there in the muffled middle by the pump and the town clock, the shops in mourning, the Welfare Hall in widows’ weeds. And all the people of the lulled and dumbfound town are sleeping now.

Well, I don’t think we’ll be bothering with Wales this year.

What do you think Arthur dear?

Dunno love, never bin.

Is that Welfare Hall a Premier Inn?

It’s mentioned here in the novel

Apparently it’s a fucking hovel

And all  the pubs playing Tom Jones’ singles.

You’ll never get me near velvet dingles.

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Hello!

“All the world’s a fence.”

Like doubts, we all have them or know someone who has them. Fences that is.

What does your Fence say about you?  Secondary Picket? Loosely Hinged? A Godfather? Weak Footings?

Who knows? Who cares! 

This month wonderful actor Benedict “Benny” Cumberbatch has shared his lovely little Closed Border Fence with us. We now know where he got his inspiration for photo bombing Bono and his pals at the Oscars!

Bono in a box

Bono in a box

All I want to say is

Bono in a box

cumberbnatch 2

Boo Bono!

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Hello

During a recent focus group, it was pointed out that GFB should offer practical tips on everyday life.

One person said, “I’d love some DIY advice. Not the stuff they put on TV about bonding agents or one man and a theodolite, but practical solutions to holes, gaps and loose things.”

So, we have brought in the expertise of DIY expert Tommy Tapper, the only man to feature on the BBC’s, Rogue Traders;Cowboy Builders; Conman On Your Doorstep and Loose Footings.

tommy_tapper

Tommy Tapper – If It Can Be Fixed He Won’t Be Able to Do It

 

Tommy’s DIY manual, “Tell the old girl you’re from the Gas Board and then nick her life savings,” is an acknowledged masterclass in the no-nonsense, no worries, no skill approach to DIY.

Here are some of his trade secrets for The Roof.

1. Where is it located? Normally on top of the building. If it is anywhere else, say the garden, you maybe facing a more sizeable problem.

2. What is it made of? Normally stiff stuff. Hopefully not cheese or sponge cake. If this is the case, you maybe facing a more sizeable problem.

3. Normal Roof problems?  Slates with low self-esteem; felt with unrealistic expectations. Holes. (Problems with flashing should be reported to your local police).

4. Things to check before you fix a roof problem;

i) If you can’t fix it by hitting it with your hammer, you maybe facing a more sizeable problem.

ii) The journey time to your local Accident and Emergency unit.

iii) That your sandwiches, if made of cheese, can be stored in your helmet and are accompanied by a tangy pickle.

iv) Your ladder has rungs and is not just two poles with a dream.

v) That it is the roof you are fixing.

5. Little known fact about the Roof

The plural of roof is roofs. The plural of hoof is hooves. Why?

We hope you can now tackle your roof problems with a tad more confidence.

“Gingerfightback – The Blog That Cares. Really Cares”

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Hello,

Enjoying the Winter Olympics? Neither am I.

My lovely wife Shirley is though. Especially the Ice Skating. Last night Shirl and her sister Doreen, each chomping on a giant Toblerone, were watching it on TV.

“Nice arse,” Doreen said as some fella skidded around throwing in a toe loop here and a triple lutz there.

This bloke’s shirt had sequins and feathers stitiched in! Sequins! Feathers!

ON A BLOKE!

I thought Putin didn’t like all this gay carry on.  And here are all these “men” dressed like Liberace toddling around the rink in shiny, plumed apparel. (Now I would pay to see Liberace On Ice! Imagine – old Liber tinkling the ivories on skates as he tried to keep the old hair weave intact. He must have spent a fortune on glue. What a shame he missed out on the Velcro revolution).

“Nice arse,” said Doreen as a lad from Belarus hoved into view. He was wearing eye shadow! EYE SHADOW!

Doreen was becoming aroused. The hairs in her nostrils were twitching.

It was all too much for me small intestine so I visited the smallest room. The seat is a bit loose and wipeage has become a tricky manoeuvre. Fixing it is on my list of things to do. Along with breathing more regularly.

But that was of little concern as the seat slid from under me and I became the first man ever to perform the triple arse loop. As a result I inspected the mouldy toilet carpet. Two months ahead of schedule. At least I can take that off my list of things to do.

“Lard arse,” Doreen said as I returned to my chair. Shirl cackled and sparked up a Benson’s.

I fell asleep and dreamed of Olympic Glory……………

sled copy

“Faster Lads”

Laters.

Bob

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Hello,

Here is the next request. Master sleuth, smackhead, fiddler and right cleverdick Sherlock Holmes as requested by the brilliant  Hacker.Hinja.Hooker.Spy. Her site is well worth checking out HERE!

Here is Sir Arthur Conan Boil’s creation in a variety of guises, starting with lovely  Benedict Cumberland….in, “The Case Of The Missing Meat Product.”

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“Mmmm…..where did I mislay my sausage?”

Of course Ironman, recovering smackhead and all round bon viveur, Bobby Downey Jr donned the old deerstalker in a couple of outings as the fabled detective and here he is consulting his astro-sausage to find the nearest crack den, from “The Case Of The Missing Meat Product.”

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“I think my head is going to fall off Holmes”

Not to be outdone by these arrivistes, our very own Great British Ham, Michael Caine brought a new subtlety to the role is this thankfully over looked version of, “The Case Of The Missing Meat Product”.

caine_edited-1

“Who thought a pasty magnifier would work?”

As the great man would have said “Elemental Dear Watson, Elemental.”

IS THERE ANYTHING OR ANYONE YOU WOULD LIKE A SAUSAGE TO BE APPLIED TO?

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Gingerfightback is tipping Brucie’s syrup to lift the old glitter ball this evening.

Whoops!

As the picture shows the fast moving toupe is set to wow the judges and the public with its nifty footwork and rise and fall to the Latin beat. As Gfb’s dance correspondent  Kimberley Knee-Cap said, “That wig is the finest exponent of dance I have ever seen. I drink to excess, have a Class A habit and recently sought solace from life’s miseries through Scientology, but rest assured I know what I am talking about. Hic.”

Rumours that domestic goddess Nigella Lawson will appear in next year’s series were met with snorts of derision by BBC insiders.

nigella-hiding-sausage

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