Winter Olympics 2014 – Sochi – Ginger Sooty Reports – Day (Feels Like 235) 11

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the Winter Olympics that are, quite simply Sochi 2014.

This fella came down a snowy slope quickly.

Well known Fiddleist Vanessa Mae came down a snowy slope rather slowly (but more quickly than I could ever do) whilst playing the Violin bit in Dexy’s classic C’mon Eileen.

Dutch are shtill doing well in the der Shpid Shkatin’! Jeesh, thoshe thighsh!

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Bob Slay

How many men called Bob can you find in an hour and put to death? A sport that is not for the feint hearted. Judging is scored on  despatching technique (hands favoured over weaponry) and artistic impression.

Strange Vernon from Australia is the favourite. Best not to ask why….

2. Cresta  Run Team Tickle

Two teams slide down the ice side by side armed only with a feather duster and pluck. Points are scored when the duster strikes a designated “tickle zone” on the body – neck, armpit, behind the knee and base of foot – causing the opponent to giggle or at least titter.

Vladimir Itchykov is favourite to take the Gold after his world record Titter Giggle score of 46 last week. All the more impressive when you know that Vladimir sold his testicles to fund his vodka habit.

Enjoy The Games!

Read Full Post »

Riding The Toilet Seat Is Not For The Feint Hearted – By Bob On The Pot

Hello,

Enjoying the Winter Olympics? Neither am I.

My lovely wife Shirley is though. Especially the Ice Skating. Last night Shirl and her sister Doreen, each chomping on a giant Toblerone, were watching it on TV.

“Nice arse,” Doreen said as some fella skidded around throwing in a toe loop here and a triple lutz there.

This bloke’s shirt had sequins and feathers stitiched in! Sequins! Feathers!

ON A BLOKE!

I thought Putin didn’t like all this gay carry on.  And here are all these “men” dressed like Liberace toddling around the rink in shiny, plumed apparel. (Now I would pay to see Liberace On Ice! Imagine – old Liber tinkling the ivories on skates as he tried to keep the old hair weave intact. He must have spent a fortune on glue. What a shame he missed out on the Velcro revolution).

“Nice arse,” said Doreen as a lad from Belarus hoved into view. He was wearing eye shadow! EYE SHADOW!

Doreen was becoming aroused. The hairs in her nostrils were twitching.

It was all too much for me small intestine so I visited the smallest room. The seat is a bit loose and wipeage has become a tricky manoeuvre. Fixing it is on my list of things to do. Along with breathing more regularly.

But that was of little concern as the seat slid from under me and I became the first man ever to perform the triple arse loop. As a result I inspected the mouldy toilet carpet. Two months ahead of schedule. At least I can take that off my list of things to do.

“Lard arse,” Doreen said as I returned to my chair. Shirl cackled and sparked up a Benson’s.

I fell asleep and dreamed of Olympic Glory……………

“Faster Lads”

Laters.

Bob

Read Full Post »

Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics – Ginger Sooty’s Update – Day 4

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the Sochi 2014 Olympics that are, quite simply expensive.

Somebody slid to glory on frozen water today. This appears to be happening a lot.

The Swedes beat GB in the Curling (marbles on ice for the uninitiated) – INVADE THEM!

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Slippery Slip-on; The sport that requires you to slip slip-ons on pronto on ice! Tricky and exacting, requiring enormous ham and achilles strength. Dextrous use of the shoe horn is also required.

The world record stands at 27 pairs fitted and removed in a minute.

Esteban “The Man With Hooves Instead Of Feet” Cordobes from El Salavador is favourite to take gold. Watching him at race pace is like watching a magician at work, only this magician’s magic wand is the tortoise-shell shoe-horn with “Esteban” written  on it. In Mother of Pearl.

Evangelists think he is the Devil because of his cloven hooves. Expect Canada’s Larry Bertrand to challenge. His mum holds a giant crucifix over him whenever he takes on Esteban.

2. Sado Masochists Biathlon  – The prestigious winter sports event for the S&M fraternity.

10 competitors will be entered for this race (with a variety of implements) and  Dominatrix Pain  and her “Little Bleeder” will whip them into shape round the back passage on this brand spanking new track that cuts through the Taiga of frozen Siberia.

The mild weather has forced organisers to ban gimp masks.

Belgium’s Jean Luc-Squeak will take some beating (as he does most Thursday nights) in this race. Tony Belter from Australia will provide stiff opposition.

The losers will be tied together, castigated and publicly humiliated for several hours at bus stops around Sochi.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty!

Read Full Post »

Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics Report – Ginger Sooty Slides By!

The Winter Olympics are here!

We hope you enjoyed the opening ceremony (we didn’t have a clue either) and enjoy the sports fest that is, quite simply Sochi 2014.

Ginger Sooty will be searching out the heartache, joy, sadness and all the striving that has been striven for in order to achieve the goal of goal achievement. For this is quite simply Sochi 2014.

So Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS over to you………

Hello everyone, Ginger Sooty here. Can’t believe the Sliding Olympics have finally started.  What with al the fuss over Russia’s problems with Gay People (Strange) warning over killer tubes of toothpaste lurking on planes (Stranger) and the absence of Sir Paul McCartney from an opening ceremony (Out-bloody-rageous!) I think we can all agree that it is time to let the sport do the talking.

Here are a couple of events you should look out for today.

1. Formation Whoops-a-daisy – A sport dominated by impish Orientals for decades –  the aged walk in socked feet across a frozen road whilst avoiding a fully refurbished Tiger Tank.   Team GB has a real medal chance in this event, with the return to form of Edna and Ethel Leakage after their drugs ban. Favourites are the impish Korean pairing of Yippee and Yi A.

2. Bobble Gobble Slalom – Always a favourite! trained knitters, augmented by hardcore crocheters. knit, plume and then gobble a bobble against the clock.  Firm favourite for the gold is asthmatic warrior poet Ashtun Pilotriategus from Iran who holds the world Bobble Gobble record of 3 minutes 36 seconds.  Expect a close challenge from the darling of the USA Mary Lou-Roll.

Enjoy The Games! Sooty.

Read Full Post »