Posts Tagged ‘Belfast’
The Pass – By Paul Holland (Again)
Posted in Poetry, Writing, tagged "Poetry",, Belfast, Belfast Poetry, Bird Watching, Espana, Great Britain, Ireland, La Rioja, Nature, Northern Ireland, Poems, Spain, Twitchers, Twitching, USA, Writing on September 30, 2014| 6 Comments »
Rory McIlroy – 2014 Open Champion “Owes It All To Scotch Eggs”
Posted in Food, Funny, ginger, humor, nonsense, Humor, Humour, News, Random Thoughts, Satire, UK, tagged 2014 Open, Belfast, Canada, Comedy, Funny, Golf, Heartache, Holywood, Humor, Humour, Jack Nicklaus, Love, Nike, Northern Ireland, Pork Pies, Rory McIlroy, Satire, Scotch Egg, Scotch Eggs, Sports, Tiger Woods, UK, USA, Winning in Life on July 21, 2014| 26 Comments »
2014 Open Golf Champion, Rory McIlroy acknowledged the role the Scotch Egg played in delivering his latest triumph in the world of hitting little balls with a stick.
Rory throws his Scotch Egg into the crowd in celebration
“Playing with Scotch Eggs allows me to have more control over my short game and when I am feeling peckish I can nibble on these tasty savoury snacks,” he may have said.
Man and Scotch Egg in perfect harmony
Young Rory, who hails from Holywood, Northern Ireland went on to say, “Me darlin’ Mammy identified a deficiency in my hip stance and got me playing with Scotch Eggs to improve things. Like it is, so it is. Like.”
But Mammy McIlroy didn’t stop there, “She would make a variety of Scotch Eggs for me to play with. Big ones, little ones, ones with indentations at the top, pimpled ones and even one that was square! As you can imagine that didn’t roll very well!”
Young Rory & the Scotch Egg of destiny
Gingerfightback’s science correspondent, Damien Semi-Jap-Stranglehold spoke to Ursula Ooh-La-La, Professor of advanced Scotch Eggery at the University of Toulouse who told him, “Mais Oui mon cherie, Je t’adore le Piat D’or – make lurve a moi by the opagne firrreside a hoh – he – hoh.”
It is not the first time that Golfers have turned to meat base products. Jack Nicklaus won the 1978 US Open playing with a pork pie boiled in vinegar.
A man and a pie and a sand shot to glory
Mum’s Garden Full Of Birdsong – By Paul Holland (Again!)
Posted in Poetry, Writing, tagged "Poetry",, Belfast, Birdsong, Gardening, Gardens, Home, Mums, Nature, Poems, The City, Writing on January 21, 2014| 16 Comments »
Mum’s Garden Full Of Birdsong
There’s a tall tree in mum’s garden
That needs chopping
A Blackthorn
It and the Holly beside it
Spreading up up way beyond their bound
Blocking the light from the neighbours
Worrying my mum that someone may complain
Curly and I could not reach over far enough
That time we cut the hedge
But there’s a Blackbird that sings from that tree
He’s singing now
A Mistle Thrush, countless Tits
And the Blackbird and his mate
All in there
The Blackbird is singing
‘Yeooww woo
But isn’t it grand’
It is too
From The Prisons Of Our Own Minds – By Paul Holland
Posted in Poetry, Spain, UK, Writing, tagged "Poetry",, Belfast, First Love, Life, Love, Northern Ireland, Poems, Spain, Writing on January 6, 2014| 14 Comments »
From The Prisons Of Our Own Minds
It is the sea that makes us realise
That we are indeed small
From the blade of grass
That we are indeed big
And for me
The memory of
The whitest light from the smile once
From of the face of my girl
She waiting at the top of my Street
To then
Go work her Saturday job in the hairdressers
And me mine in the garage.
That makes me know that I have indeed lived
Can I Find Love By Self Assembly? – Oily George Answers!
Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour, tagged Belfast, Body Parts, England, Funny, Humor, Humour, India, Ireland, Love, Sex on January 3, 2014| 15 Comments »
Hello Oily,
Foraging in the attic the other day I came across a false leg once owned by my Aunt Claire. Often wonder where she is. Last I heard she was opening a chain of shops selling cheap jewellery. Now bankrupt I’d imagine. The way of the High Street it seems.
To get back to my point. The leg got me thinking. I’m kinda lonely.What if I was to go onto Ebay and buy some more lady parts? I could build my own girlfriend. We could talk, hug, maybe even make love puddles together. Good idea or am I a freak?
Hans Lecter
Straightjacket City
Oily Replies;
A wonderful idea!
A variant of this was done by a dear friend and fiend of mine Norman Bates some 50 years ago in the US. It worked for him for sure. And he had a very successful motel business which would probably still be going strong – and smelling even stronger – if the corporate chains hadn’t taken over.
Your question raises a very serious issue about today’s society. In an extensive survey that I made up this morning in the shower it was PROVEN BEYOND DOUBT that in just ONE street in East London MORE people live ALONE than in the WHOLE of the street across way.
To me this shows irrefutably that there needs to be more kink in everyone’s lives. It will ease the loneliness.
To get you started I have a special offer. If you buy 30 of my DVD’s within the next 14 days I will throw in a litre of my oil PLUS a battery operated arm. Vital when your own hand locks. Just let me know if you are a righty or lefty and we can get it off and thus get you off, as soon as possible.
Say No to Mr Lonely!
Oily- The Caregiver.
I Am Invisible – Can I Find Love? Oily George To The Rescue!
Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour, tagged Belfast, Comedy, Documentaries, England, Funny, Humor, Humour, Invisibility, Lesbian, Movies, Porn, Sex on November 28, 2013| 10 Comments »
Hello Oily
Try as I might, I cannot get the man of my dreams to notice me. He is tall, handsome, buck toothed with personal hygiene issues. I am currently invisible and think that this may have something to do with it.
What can I do Oily?
Paula, Taunton
Oily Replies;
Paula, people are becoming invisible every day. I have made a documentary nay, a social commentary – on this very subject.
What I do is I take on the cloak of invisibility and explore four aspects of every day life.
I film female welders at the end of their shift as they let their hair down of a weekend. The following week I am with the convent nuns of the Mother Theresa Church of Extreme Holiness and I am there as they pray and play.
The third episode is about life in an 18 year olds Swiss Girls Finishing me off school and the final one is the heart rending tale of the trials and tribulations of the Santa Monica Beach Volleyball team in the G String Championships.
I don’t mind telling you that by the end of the filming I was spent. Red raw I was. Very emotional. “The Bulging Cloak Of Invisibility” Is available now on DVD.
Oily
The Pass – By Paul Holland
Posted in Poetry, Writing, tagged "Poetry",, Belfast, Birds, Dawn, Nature, Northern Ireland, Poems, Writing on November 19, 2013| 6 Comments »
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