The Queen’s Hurt About “Randy Andy” Speculation

Buckingham Palace today issued a statement telling us that Her Royal Queeness is upset over allegations surrounding Prince Randy Andy and his nonce mates.

Lord Edward Sneer, Keeper of the Royal Spittoon told Gfb’s newshound, Daphne Kerplunk, “It is all a tissue of lies about Randy Andy. It has to be. The man is a complete bellend. He has as much intelligence as a damp flannel.”

Prince Charles came out in support of his younger brother by insisting that Andrew’s “enormous” appetite for  heroin and cocaine made it highly unlikely that his interests extended “in that direction.”

“Even his favourite nag likes a bag of ganja now and again!” Chirped Charlie.

Randy’s Horse – Roach

He then garbled, “One must understand that one’s talking to plants and one’s bogies constitutes all the qualifications one requires to be Monarch. Hurry up and pop thine clogs Mama,” before hopping over a fence to resume a conversation with a neighbour’s herbaceous border.

 

 

 

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The Queen pleads with the Scottish

The Queen has pleaded with Scots to remain part of the United Kingdom. The big funnelled monarch, celebrating 600 years without a thought, is very “worried” about developments, particularly losing her holiday cottage in Balmoral.

To show her devotion to her Scottish subjects Her Royal Linerness has taken to wearing the national symbol of Scotland, the Scotch Egg.

Royal watcher, Form A-Orderly-Queue told Gfb, “Her Royal Minus is very keen that the Sweaty Socks stay part of the UK. She adores shortbread, has read all of Irvine Welsh’s novels, is addicted to Temazepan and Irn Bru is her favourite hangover cure.”

Why don’t they want wonky Prince Charlie as their next King?

Prince Phillip has ordered tanks to be placed outside the house of Scottish firebrand and slurper of soup, Alex “Fatty” Salmond, describing him as a “Slimy sporran sniffing Jock Bastard,” to close pals.

The Prince is also worried that summers will have to be spent at Butlins in Minehead in future.

 

 

What will the Scottish People decide? Will it be life in the Faslane? Or is that the nuclear option?

Och Aye The Noo

Mammy!

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The Queen’s Horse Drug Scandal – Shocking Picture!

Hello

Gingerfightback gained access to the Royal Stud yesterday to nab this picture of the racehorse owned by The Queen who has failed a drugs test (the horse that is not Her Majesty – although she is partial to Charles’ organic Duchy Originals Ganja).

The photo clearly shows the horse named Have A Bang On This Little Number, abusing drugs in a most unseemly manner.

Pink Floyd Really Speaks To Him

 

The Queen was unavailable for comment as she was in Scotland to open the  Commonwealth Games. To celebrate this great day for the land of the long sweaty sock, Liz festooned her bonnet with Scotch Eggs!

One Has The Munchies

 

 

 

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Rory McIlroy – 2014 Open Champion “Owes It All To Scotch Eggs”

2014 Open Golf Champion, Rory McIlroy acknowledged the role the Scotch Egg played in delivering his latest triumph in the world of hitting little balls with a stick.

Rory throws his Scotch Egg into the crowd in celebration

“Playing with Scotch Eggs allows me to have more control over my short game and when I am feeling peckish I can nibble on these  tasty savoury snacks,” he may have said.

Man and Scotch Egg in perfect harmony

Young Rory, who hails from Holywood, Northern Ireland went on to say, “Me darlin’ Mammy identified a deficiency in my hip stance  and got me playing with Scotch Eggs to improve things. Like it is, so it is. Like.”

But Mammy McIlroy didn’t stop there, “She would make a variety of Scotch Eggs for me to play with. Big ones, little ones, ones with indentations at the top, pimpled ones and even one that was square! As you can imagine that didn’t roll very well!”

Young Rory & the Scotch Egg of destiny

Gingerfightback’s science correspondent, Damien Semi-Jap-Stranglehold spoke to Ursula Ooh-La-La, Professor of advanced Scotch Eggery at the University of Toulouse who told him, “Mais Oui mon cherie, Je t’adore le Piat D’or – make lurve a moi by the opagne firrreside a hoh – he – hoh.”

It is not the first time that Golfers have turned to meat base products. Jack Nicklaus won the 1978 US Open playing with a pork pie boiled in vinegar.

A man and a pie and a sand shot to glory

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Pointless Ginger Wig Adaptations #65 – Gandhi

 

And here is the great man with a Scotch Egg on his head!

 

 

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