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Posts Tagged ‘The Orange Order’

British PM David Cameron has predicted that Scotland will be under Sharia Law “within days” of becoming Independent.

Gimp Morrising

The PM speaking to Gfb’s Colin Testicle, gave the warning as the polls narrowed further in the run up to the referendum on Scottish independence on September 18th.

After his valet Timpkins had salted the PM’s boiled egg and cut up his soldiers, Cameron told Testicle, “Look here – these Jock chaps  and chapesses need to know whats going on with those Nationalist  wallahs.  They are actually a front for “The Mad McMullahs” a shadowy Islamist/Free Presbyterian ultra orthodox Abrahamic faith union who want to ban Knee length socks, cabbage and deep fried Mars Bars, which people of Scotland, I personally adore.”

slamond3

Could He Be a Terrorist?

When asked what proof he has of the existence of The Mad McMullahs, the PM replied, “Can’t say too much old bean, walls have ears and all that but safe to say take a shufty at Alex Salmond – imagine him with a beard. Yeah? Yeah? Now what about his piece of totty Nicola Sturgeon – imagine her with a beard. Obvious really isn’t it! Salmond also owns a Cat Stevens record.”

“I suspect we are going have to arm the Orange Order at this rate,” he said before belching and turning his attention to a couple of Dick Emery sketches which apparently is contingency planning for Ukraine.

"Dig The New Look Lads" - Gok Wan

Gfb asked Big Jock Al-McJock Al Kebab Shish and Salad – Imam of the Galashiels Mosque for a reply and he told us, “Cameron is a fucking idiot.”

 

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I’m Squinting

With my glasses lost again

But I know enough to be struggling to see

God,but will I ever stop the drink

Once and for all?

 

Today I saw a Belfast man

Marching the road

Collarete on in the sun

The traditional

Tribal triumph

Seen in his swagger and away of shoulders.

 

But this is Spain

And the collarete was Instead ONCE

(Organización National de Ciegos España)

Tickets

Orange and yellow tickets to be sold

Their luck tacked to his waistcoat.

His swagger and away

Sadly as a result of the twisted racking cracking

Of his body’s being.

It spent moving

His spine choked frame in the ways of his days

Him I squinting saw

Not him then

Thran

With the self blinded

Hurray of the Cyclops.

 

Last time at home

A fella:

Brother to one in the company

Complained to the slow barman

-I’ll get you done!

But the bar was packed

And the barman

(Who I too, thought slow)

Was having none of his old craic.

 

-Get me done?

He hollered

-Get me done?

-You can fuck off,

Yer barred!

 

Old Belfast bashing

Hard man against the new.

The silence of naked fear

That such a statement

might once have entailed

Bloody death or at least a beating

Was gone

The bouncer gleefully bounced the

Soul scarred, jail tattooed poor twerp

Drinkless

Out into the night.

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