Hello
It’s not everyday you become Pope!
Cheers to all the lads down at The Conclave And Acclamation for electing me. Trebles all round. The ring they gave me was lovely, so much so that my lovely wife Shirley has already nipped down to the pawnbrokers to see what it will fetch. Purely in an emergency situation you understand.
Facilities Management in St Peter’s are building a wonderful golden pot for me to be carried around on. The Potmobile.
Shirley has ordered a new water-bed and 56 inch TV for our new pad in The Vatican. The old bed was a bit small and full of bread crumbs! God knows (well if he doesn’t here where will he!) what Pope Benny got up to in it.
Don’t worry about sex though. I’ve been celibate for nearly 15 years now. Shirley really was thinking ahead on that one.
I must say I find all this get up ever so camp! Old fellas walking around in ermine, silk and velvet all telling us how to live our lives, to give to the poor and to abominate gays for wanting to get married? Weird when you think about it.
There’s enough gold and fancy candlesticks to make Liberace green with envy. He would have made a good Pope. Tinkled the ivories like the best of them, loved a robe, a fine head of hair, had his ring kissed a lot and a fierce opponent of homosexuality (The lawyers told me to put that last bit in).
Anyway must go. Have to write my sermon. Tolerance is the theme (although that referee robbed United last week and should be shot, bleedin’ foreigners).
I will call it The Sermon From The Pot
Amen
Pope Bob I (Shirley says hello!)
Bob foresaw this in his last column for Gingerfightback which you can read here!
You’re gonna be very bus, maybe some kind of colostomy bag will be in order. Or does the popemobile double as a toilet?
Sorry for the late reply Joe – believe it or not I’ve been doing battle with a blocked toilet – Dyno Rod now called – is this a celestial intervention do you think?
I can understand you’ve had your hands tied, what do you make of this imposter who is being paraded as the pope though? It’s a bit embarrassing for the church – more so than the abuse scandals
Schism!
Now that you are the new pope, can you please help elect the new prime minister, and we will need a new President soon, because Giorgio Napolitano leaves office in May. Ohhh and the local butcher has just retired so if you could just help out there as well, and then there is the debt crisis… and the local pizzaria keeps burning the pizzas
Even though I am not the Pope anymore I will see what can be done. A bleedin Jim Bowen lookalike got the gig!
He does look like Jim Bowen doesn’t he. There are pictures of him and Jim next to each other all over facebook..lol
Do you think he was Bully’s special prize!
Super, fantastic… you could have won a speedboat but instead you got a pope mobile..
So, when can we look for better reading material, as in something along the lines of the lovely piece of literature you peruse whilst on the throne?
If i hadn’t been depoped so soon Red there was a host of reading material I was gonna recommend. Chief amongst them was the entire works of Dan Brown. He captures the church perfectly.
Forgive my orwrdness, but I think bob was removed form the papacy for not picking a more personally appropriate papal name. “John” perhaps…
Very clever Brother Guapola – Former Pope Bob will be writing a column about his disenthronement in the very near future. The poor lad.
I’ve been to St. Peter’s Square several times, but I never saw the toilet. Then again, there was always a strange line in the center of the square.
It’s been taken away Frank, almost Stalinesque in the way it has been airbrushed out of all Church Imagery. There is a pun in their about having the Trotsky’s but I won’t go on about it.
Just another example of your aim is to inform.
Public Service!
Three flushes for my hero Bob! Hip hip….