The Queen pleads with the Scottish

The Queen has pleaded with Scots to remain part of the United Kingdom. The big funnelled monarch, celebrating 600 years without a thought, is very “worried” about developments, particularly losing her holiday cottage in Balmoral.

To show her devotion to her Scottish subjects Her Royal Linerness has taken to wearing the national symbol of Scotland, the Scotch Egg.

Royal watcher, Form A-Orderly-Queue told Gfb, “Her Royal Minus is very keen that the Sweaty Socks stay part of the UK. She adores shortbread, has read all of Irvine Welsh’s novels, is addicted to Temazepan and Irn Bru is her favourite hangover cure.”

Why don’t they want wonky Prince Charlie as their next King?

Prince Phillip has ordered tanks to be placed outside the house of Scottish firebrand and slurper of soup, Alex “Fatty” Salmond, describing him as a “Slimy sporran sniffing Jock Bastard,” to close pals.

The Prince is also worried that summers will have to be spent at Butlins in Minehead in future.

 

 

What will the Scottish People decide? Will it be life in the Faslane? Or is that the nuclear option?

Och Aye The Noo

Mammy!

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Pointless Ginger Wig Adaptations – #65 Vladimir Putin

Backdown! – Putin On The Ritz

He’s Sochi nice fella!

“Homophobes of the world unite – you have nothing to lose except the argument”.

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Is That Nigella Lawson Snorting Something Up Her Nose?

Don’t worry ! It is only a sausage! She keeps a stash in her bag by the looks of things as well……..

 

Someone else who likes to snort bangers!

 

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Scottish Independence – The Queen Speaks Out!

The Queen has pleaded once again with the Scots not to turn their backs on the United Kingdom and vote for independence. The big funnelled monarch, celebrating 600 years without a thought, is said by Palace insiders to be very “worried” about developments.

To show her devotion to her Scottish subjects Her Royal Linerness has taken to wearing the national symbol of Scotland, the Scotch Egg.

Royal watcher, Form A- Orderly-Queue told Gfb, “Her Royal Minus is very keen that the Sweaty Socks stay part of the UK. She adores shortbread, has read all of Irvine Welsh’s novels, is addicted to Temazepan and regularly wears tartan knickers. Such is her devotion.”

Why don’t they want wonky Prince Charlie as their next King?

Prince Phillip has ordered tanks to be placed outside the house of Scottish firebrand and slurper of soup, Alex “Fatty” Salmond, describing him as a “Slimy sporran sniffing Jock Bastard,” to close pals.

 

But bending over to the Celtic nations is nothing new for Her Royal Thighness.  As a sign of the improving relations with people Phillip describes as “Those bog trotting Papist Mick Bastards,” Queenie and Phil donned traditional begorrah begorrah garb as a sign of rapprochement between the two nations.

What will the Scottish People decide? Will it be life in the Faslane? Or is that the nuclear option?

Och Aye The Noo

Mammy!

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Government Reacts To Miliband’s Shock Decision To Serve The People

                                                                                    Duncan-Spliff ‘avin it laaarge…..

Gfb has received a copy of a letter outlining how the Coalition will counter the surprise decision this week of Labour Leader Ed Miliband to address issues that affect people’s lives.

The Governments Plan? Screw the poor a bit more!

The letter entitled, “Have A Bang On This Little Number!” was written by the Secretary of State for Work and Fuckery, Iain Duncan-Spliff on parchment comprising 32 King Size Rizlas as part of the “Licking Scroungers into Shape” programme.

It reveals plans to extradite convicted benefit cheats to “Jockland” in what Duncan-Spliff calls a ‘crackdown on shirkers, shysters and roach bandits.”

“I’m not fucking having it anymore,” states Duncan-Spliff,  “These northern layabouts, disableds and lone parents are still a drain on our resources. That arsehole Osborne has nicked me bong.”

 

The letter continues;

“The schmucks amongst the voting public still believe that we’ are all in this together! If we can victimise and isolate the poorest we will still be onto something! Rupe Murdoch  is back on board as he wants to completely fuck Miliband over now that this Commie thinks that Government is meant to work for the people and not against them. What a nerve!”

The letter also outlines the success of the “Blame the darkies/slap a Frog” campaign in terms of cornering the elderly bigot vote in the Home Counties to see off the challenge of the elderly bigots in UKIP.

Duncan-Spliff’s proposals include;

• Unemployed Jobseekers will dig the tunnels on HS2 to bring down project costs. If they refuse they will be set on fire. By Simon Cowell. “Those train tunnels won’t dig them fucking selves,” Duncan-Spliff wrote.

•Disabled people’s physical and medical examinations will be held in a public gallery with three X-factor style judges scoring them. It will be a mixture of Total Wipeout and The Cube.

“The public will love it,” Duncan-Spliff notes, “A benefits system based on Reality TV! A ratings winner surely.”

• Moving the default pension age to 80. “We’ll save billions and hopefully the old bastards will freeze to death beforehand – win win!” he states.

                                                                               “I simply say…….”

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Margaret Thatcher – On Her Own Head Be It

Lovely frame!

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Is That The Dalai Lama With A Veggie Burger On His Head?

Yes!

 

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Is That Kim Jong-Un With A Sausage In His Hair?

Yes!

To strike fear into the hearts of the capitalist lackey dog slaves of imperial Yankdom,, the Democratic People’s Republic Of Korea intends to launch its deadly Banger Missile to strike at the heart of the viper gangsters of capitalist lackeys who should all be stuffed in a furnace to teach them a lesson.

The Banger has range of 5 feet and goes lovely with chips.

North Korea’s Inter Continental Ballistic Sausage

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Not Pope Bob On The Pot – “Gutted At Realisation That I Am Not Pontiff”

Hello Folks,

You will note how excited we were when our columnist Bob On The Pot seized the Papal Crown a couple of days ago, only to be usurped by that speccy, Swarthy Latin from Argentina, Frank.

Not Pope Bob On The Pot, has penned the following few words to express his sadness at losing the Papal Seal.

Hello

It’s not everyday you become Pope. It’s not everyday you unbecome Pope! Sadly my first Sermon On The Pot was to be my only one.

I was enjoying my new role to. The Potmobile was very comfy, and my lovely wife Shirley had given the confessionals in St Peter’s a makeover, with new TV’s, Jacuzzi and Minibar fitted.  Revamping transubstantiation was on her to do list as well.

I was gutted when Cardinal Kiddy-Fiddler told me that I was no longer Pope. The reasons were very flimsy;

• I am not Catholic
• I have trouble spelling my name
• My table manners left a bit to be desired
• The answers to life’s problem cannot be solved by the liberal application of cheese
• My rash caused night sweats amongst some of the Clergy
• I was married
• I couldn’t knit

Most of these points are irrelevant and you CAN sort out most of your problems by the liberal application of Cheese.

But I have decided to set up a new religion. Potestantism.

You Have To Hand It To Him!

I’ll be working on the finer details on the Megabus back from Rome, but Gambling, Tax Avoidance, Drink Driving and Free Rash Treatments will all feature as central tenets of Potestantism.

Our laws will be gleaned from the box set of Happy Days, Shirley bought me for Xmas.  “Sit On It!” will be our mantra.

But what really sticks in my craw is that they’ve given the job to an Argenbleedintinian! Jeez these bastards will think that the Falklands will be a doddle for ’em now.

And as for that cheatin’ knobhead Maradona – Hand Of God? Me arse – so I say- Bring It On Pope Diego – keep your hands off Guernsey.

Ham Of God

Laters and don’t forget – Sit On It!

Not Pope Bob I

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Was The New Pope A Limbo Dancer?

Gingerfightback can reveal that the new Pope, Frank was previously a Limbo dancer earning a living in the Barrios of Buenos Aires by shuffling under  small apertures.

Pope Frank As He Looks Today

And of course he looks remarkably like  the legend  that is Jim Bowen.

The Pontiff Akimbo!

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