Dear Aunty,
Hello AB
I recently found out that my man was having an affair with a frozen chicken which he keeps in the freezer in the shed. He says it is OK as
the chicken is free range and organic and can play the trumpet. Badly though. Should I be worried?
Cerys, Ceredigion
Aunty Bill Replies;
Dear Cerys
Never easy to play second fiddle to a frozen bird,even one who plays the trumpet, albeit badly.
Have you tried thinking where things went so badly wrong that he has resorted to this behaviour? The fact that the chicken is organic is a blessing as it at least shows he has discerning taste. Worse if he was consorting with a value chicken or breaded goujons. At least his moral compass is still functioning, albeit in a slightly funny direction.
If all this doesn’t work unplug the freezer and watch your love rival perish a slow and painful death.Next stick the trumpet up your husbands arse and change the locks (on the doors, not his arse).
Whilst not condoning extra martial affairs, chicken love is a much overlooked thing, he’s been living a lie all these years and feels now is the time to come out,you’ll recall the CEO of Chick Fil-A in the USA was married to a chicken, it was a live one though, so am not 100% on if chicken necrophilia is taboo or not?
The last one Joe
Your Auntie Bill rocks, O’Sullivan. 🙂
Just thought I should stop one of these times and say so …
Why thank you Jamie!
My brother once fell in love with a concrete duck yard ornament. We had to take him to the clinic for contusions and abraisions. No – – – not the brother, the duck.
You are quackers
http://lilywight.com/2013/04/18/do-you-want-to-play-blog-tag-writers-on-writing/ You’re it you ginger git 😉
Sounds like a Hollywood power couple to me.
Certainly does!
Auntie Bill, your advice is simply second to none. Me, I would choose to inflict a slow and painful death. Revenge is a dish best served cold, as they say.
As is Blancmange Kate!
I would have suggested inviting him over without his new love, and serving said chicken for dinner.
A wise move – it may prove fatal to the relationship though.