Posts Tagged ‘Wayne Rooney’



Ginger Sooty will keep you up to date with all the shenanigans and goings on in Brazil 2014. He filed this from Copacabananananana Beach.


“Up comes Carlos Alberto on the right….” Ah yes 1970, the greatest football team ever assembled win the World Cup for the 3rd time and entrenches Brazil as the spiritual home of football.

So with the competition for 2014 in Brazil what could be better? I even donned me Carnival outfit and sashayed to Costa’s for a celebratory decaffeinated coffee – harder than you think when you are a glove puppet.

And why are grown men collecting Panini Stickers? – Got – Got – Need – Need indeed

The opening week has been brilliant.

Every game has had something to drool over, excessive saliva production is common amongst native Portuguese speakers. In fact so much spittle has been produced in Brazil that giant sponges are being used to mop the streets of Rio.

And boy oh boy is obesity popular amongst Latin Americans!

Their have been fine wins for Holland (shaliva shpectaculer) Brazil, Chile, USA, Mexico and Italy.

England managed to string 3 passes together on more than one occasion in their game against Italy but still lost to the Latin Layabouts. The only worry is Wayne Rooney – he looks like he has been partying with some Papua New Guinea head shrinkers such as his bonce diminished from the Oirish spudhead look.

Better Than That Welcome Mat On His Head!

Better Than That Welcome Mat On His Head!

Let’s hope we can beat Uruguay tonight to stay in the competition. If not INVADE this corn beef sweating arse end of South America!


Germany look good but the real shock has been the early demise of reigning champions Spain who lost last night to Chile and are out of the competition.  It’s a shame when a truly great team comes to the natural end of its cycle but boy they were good, possibly the greatest since Brazil 1970. This glove puppet for one will fondly look back on their brand of football inspired by Rudyard Kipling.

Yes Riki Tiki Taka Tava football changed the way we play the game. Forever.

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Other Things To Ponder

We all love Iran now – They are not evil nutters hellbent on lobbing a nuclear warhead at us – they are avuncular chaps with beards and a deep commitment to parliamentary democracy. Crap at footie though.

Is the Swiss goalkeeper really made of cheese as some reports suggest?

The Japanese team play ancient Japanese folk melodies on nose flutes to celebrate scoring a goal.

Lionel Messi – the world’s greatest footballer – collects burglar alarms and has over 250 in his shed.

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Enjoy the World Cup!



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Football is back!

There is nothing I like better than adjourning to my throne for a couple of hours on a Sunday morning with the Footie results. Like most blokes here in Blightydom, football is more than just a sport. It’s an excuse to get pissed!

As Bill Shankly famously said, “Football is not about life and death. It’s about something else. What, I haven’t the foggiest. Give and go. Flat back four. Break the fucker’s leg  next time he skins ye son.”

Andy Murray Winning Ball Over The Net! Mo Farah and Christine Thingymajig! Winning The Ashes! The Lions Winning Down Under! Chris Froome Winning The Pedalling!

Not proper sport.

Doesn’t bear comparison with the wanderings of Wayne Rooney’s hair and his search for pate peace. Wayne starts the season with a carefully sewn in thatch, even dabbling with a centre parting and as the season progresses his hair gets thinner than the atmosphere on Mars. Now that is sport.

Wayne has learned a new word – Tuesday. That’s 83 now!

I spend hours analysing teams, attendances, player ratings whilst me innards despatch the effects of the wanging session The Overwrought Penguin.By the way my lovely wife Shirley has taken a shine to the new barman Osvaldo.  12 pints of Snakebite with Malibu chasers will do that to a woman.

Osvaldo takes care of himself. Cleans his teeth for starters. Bloody foreigners. Can’t play football though can they? Just remember pal, WE invented the game. And tinned carrots. And Parliamentary Democracy.

Think I’ll go for a lie down……….




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That follicle reconstruction has taken a Titian Twist!

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