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Posts Tagged ‘Wardrobes’

Oily

There is a squeak on my wardrobe door. Every time I open the door my pet Budgie goes into a catatonic state.

I’ve tried a wide range of ungents, moisturisers and gels all to no avail.

Will you pop in and see me to use your abundant reservoirs of natural emulsifiers to quieten the darn door and give my Budgie the peace she craves and deserves?

Ariadne, Ullapool

Hello Ariadne

I will slip by anytime to check on your wardrobe door.

I have a vast array of elixirs and pungent purifying potions which will need to be applied on the hinges of your wardrobe doors, and locks. And your buttocks. That should do the trick. Whilst there maybe I can tell you about the new company I am setting up, Long and Hard Productions.

Looking for a new PA and I feel you will fit the bill perfectly.

Squeakily yours

Oily

 

 

 

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Hello Everyone!

I was round my mate, Middle Class Malcolm’s the other day to help him move his wardrobes around a bit to improve his Feng Shui.

I had to excuse myself for a few minutes to use the facilities. I’ve been a bit bunged up recently. Never suffered from shy stools before, but boy oh boy these lads were a tough nut to crack.

I nearly burst the veins on my forehead with the effort, but there was no shifting them. I decided to have a few moments rest and flicked through the Guardian Malcolm had lent me. I read about the melting Polar Ice Cap. I didn’t realise the world was in such a mess. I shat myself.

At least it cured my constipation!

Broke the door on Malcolm’s wardrobe though. Ying and Yang and all that.

Laters

Bob.

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