Posts Tagged ‘Universal Credit’

GFB has uncovered shock evidence that marijuana may be to blame for major delays to Universal Credit.

The new welfare payment, which is streamlining six current benefits into  one single payment was supposed to be paid to millions of people across  Great Britain by Oct 2013 but is currently only available in Manchester to  single, unemployed claimants named Keith.

Minister for Work and Pensions Ian Duncan Spliff has denied that the delays to Universal Credit have been caused by his departments’ marijuana usage but the evidence suggests otherwise.


The Stiff With A Spliff

At a recent Work & Pensions committee, IDS was forced to admit that more than £40 million of ‘Super Skunk’ has been written off (smoked) by his department and that a further £140 million has been ‘written down’ for future ganja purchases.

IDS also confirmed that Jobcentre staff would continue to use the Windows 95 operating system and a ‘trial version of Microsoft Office’ for  Universal Credit claims, saying “it be easier for DWP Decision Makers to use, especially when they is gettin’ red eyed on the green, if you get whatta mean”.

Looks like a different sort of “rollout”then.

But at least the PM is still giving it the thumbs up!

the puppet master

“No Pain No Gain Clegg”

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