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Posts Tagged ‘UK Politics’

the puppet master

 British PM  David Cameron has played a dastardly final card in his bid to cling to power.

BANNING GINGERS FROM PUBLIC VIEW!

As he trails pointless oaf Ed Miliband in the polls, the posh boy “Who cares deeply” has decided to make Gingers a key plank of his 2015 election campaign.

In his speech today to the Idiocracy that is the Conservative Party, Cameron will say, “Look here Chaps, we’ve fucked over the poor, propped up the Bankers, divided old from young, gay from straight, black from white and STILL people don’t like us! Even giving pooftahs the right to marry hasn’t helped.  I can only reach one conclusion. Gingers are to blame!”

To gasps from his dribbling, incontinent audience he blurted, “Banning Gingers from public life and stopping them using the internet to spread their gingery thingymajigs is all that is left to me. Polish my brogues please Fotheringham. Where is my fag?”

morris1

Last year, Gfb’s correspondent Gail Force-Winds revealed Tory plans to impose Burkhas on Gingers were shelved due to the fact that it was stupid. However, with the lads firing up in Iraq again and a need to appear to have some semblance of control domestically and internationally, the Ginger Question has been brought back.

Cameron’s comments put him at odds with President Barack Obama who, in a speech in Grimsby this month said, ‘We. Are not.  Going. To tell. People what colour. Their hair. Should. Be.’

He Is A Red!

Ed Miliband’s reply was, “I have forgotten what I was going to say. Blah blah blah.”

miliband3

 

 

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tory

The 2014 budget and subsequent #ToryBingo furore has led many to ask? What things do hardworking people really enjoy? To answer this question GFB has undertaken an exclusive poll of hardworking people and the results show that it’s not just bingo and beer hardworking people enjoy.

Top 10 things that hardworking people enjoy;
1 – Being slapped on the buttocks with a rolled up copy of The Sun.

2 – Eating chips

3 – Biting cats

4 – Opening letters addressed to their neighbours

5 – Smoking crack

6 – Masturbating whilst watching Benefits Street

7 – Holidaying in Lanzarote

8 – Auditioning for X Factor

9 – Watching granny porn (fave film ‘Gum Jobs’)

10 – Twitter and Facebook trolling

Daniel Wankstain coalition insider commented, “The Government will be thrilled with the results of GFB’s poll. We know we’re in tune with the hardworking and indeed for that matter the handwanking people of Britain. Who doesn’t like a game of bingo and a warm can of Fosters on a Friday night? But as a Government we know we can do more and are actively working on free porn credits for older people, cat biting lessons for unemployed young people and Crack on prescription for single parents and the disabled. Now, got to dash, it’s Happy Hour in the Commons Bar, tally ho!’
Deficit? What Deficit?
Just remember we are all in this together!

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brad copy

Oily

I was wondering if there is an opening for a guy like me in your movies. I am 6 feet tall, tanned and my buttocks are pert. I can whistle the back catalogue of the Beatles whilst under water and recently escorted well-known Dolly Bird, Dolores Titwank to the opening of the “Dixy, Trixie, Lixie Southern Fried Chicken Y’all” shop in Harlesden, where I ate chicken nuggets off her ample cleavage.

I have no nipples though.

Any use to you?

Nippleless Nippleby

Oily Replies;

I know Dolores well. Met her through her sister Fellatio Felicity from Faversham. Lovely girl. So giving. Prone to speaking with her mouth full though. Causes a right mess. Little wonder my laundry bill is so high!

Nippy I have absolutely no doubt I could use you. On our books we have all manner of odd balls freaks, kinksters, fetishists, perverts, onanists, duoists, orgiests and various other made up words. So long as you aren’t a Tory blue blood. Got to draw the line somewhere. They always go too far. Not enough to f**k one, two or a small intimate group of like minded individuals, they have to f**k entire communities who never asked for it in the first place.

Oh my a bit of politics people.

My name is Oily George I’m here all week. Or until my bail is paid.

Free The Oily 1!

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