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Posts Tagged ‘The Pope’

Just Lovely

Keep Kitty Safe Tonight!

The Government is reminding people to keep their pets indoors tonight as Britain sets about torching a few Papists on Bonfire Night.

Now That's What I Call A Syrup

If You Have A Baby Elephant Keep Him Indoors Tonight!

Naturalist Chris Packham said, “Burning Catholics is acceptable to me as long as people’s pussies and bow wows don’t get scaredy waredey by bangs, whizzes and the screams of idolators as their flesh peels from their bones in the burning pyres that will cleanse them of their sins.”

polarbear

Aaaaaaaahhhh!

Whilst burning left footers is a long treasured tradition in Britain, concerns are growing that the supply of Catholics is dwindling and that future burning stock will have to be imported. Another option being considered is the introduction of a Catholic Burning Tax Credit, where Catholics will be encouraged to offer parts of their anatomies for immolation in return for tax exemptions.

IDS

Duncan-Spliff – Up In Smoke

Ian Duncan-Spliff, Minister for Work, Pensions and Burning Scroungers told Gingerfightback, “Yeah man, me’s hexpectin to light me GANJA on de bonfire wi’ a burnin’ catlick roastin’ on de top all bernie bernie like. Me new sang go sometin’ like dis,

“All across de nation,

People call fire station

To hobtain big stick

To turn de burning Catlick”

Thank you Ian Duncan Spliff. Work in progress.

You Have To Hand It To Him!

Pope Maradona told Gingerfightback, “On me head son. Give and go. Me legs have gone all trembly ‘cos I’m going to Wembley. Burn Methodists or Bono.”

bono2 copy

Singe His Sausage

jolson

Got Too Close To The Bonfire!

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Hello,

It’s been a while, but regular readers of Gfb will note our delight in making up the love life of Sarah Palin.

We previously reported that she was stepping out with Former Pope, Hitler Youth The First.

This was after Tanktop McBain, Gfb’s lead reporter learned that Palin’s on/off romance with hunky wonderman Simon Cowell  ended.

 

The doyen of the Pea Tarty (who has spoken out about her fear of Leprechauns from Ireland spreading Leprosy) was being consoled by friends after Simon was seen stepping out with his own ego in a classy Anchorage nightspot.

Thank You Simon - For Everything!

So we are grateful that Pope “The Falklands Are British Mate” Argy has stepped in and taken Sarah to Salsa Lessons in Jerusalem.

The pair are rumoured to be deeply in love.

“He’s a celibate. I love fish too. Especially with parsley sauce. It’s a match made in heaven! And his frocks are to die for!” Sarah has told a close pal.

The Pope is remaining tight lipped about the rumours.

“This is all cobblers,” the Vatican’s press office told us.

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Hello!

To celebrate the founding of Chinstraps Anonymous, Gingerfightback brings to you some of the great and good down the years who have worn one.

As Churchill said, “Never in the history of human conflict has so much been owed by so many to a Chinstrap”.

Here is Steven Seagal (He’s no oil painting is he!)

But don’t cross him or he will flail you with his ponytail

seagal

Now – some old favourites – Enjoy!

Remember Him? The chinstrap was  of little help sadly

Here is Jose “The Special One” Mourinho;

jose_chin

Here Is The Pope!

pope_chin

And here is Steve McQueen!

                                                                             McQueen – The Great Escape – The Chinstrap

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They are the latest must have accessory – they keep your hands warm, afford you a nibble when peckish and also stop you bitin’ on dem cuticles. As Pope Argie said in St Peter’s this morning, “These are the bollox. Oi Diego! on me head son.”

pope francis copy

You Have To Hand It To Him!

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Hello!

To celebrate world chinstrap week, Gingerfightback brings to you some of the great and good down the years who have proudly sported one.

As Shakespeare wrote, “A chinstrap, a chinstrap, my Kingdom for a chinstrap”.

Enjoy!

Here is  Soccerball Legend Jose “The Special One” Mourinho adjusting his straps

jose_chin

Here Is The Pope!

pope_chin

And here is Steve McQueen!

                                                                             McQueen – The Great Escape – The Chinstrap
 

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Hello

To celebrate world chinstrap week, Gingerfightback brings to you some of the great and good down the years who have proudly borne one. As that famous old philosopher Descartes said, “I chinstrap therefore I am.”

Enjoy

Here is Pope “The Falklands Are British Mate” Argy;

pope_chin

And here is Steve McQueen!

McQueen – The Great Escape – The Chinstrap

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Somebody asked to see the Pope with a pork pie on his head image again – happy to oblige!

Pope Pius 23rd

Pope Pius 23rd

Somebody asked to see the ginger Sphinx image again – happy to oblige!

Wonder what it makes of it all?

Somebody asked to see the ginger Al Jolson image again – as always happy to oblige!

jolson

Somebody asked to see the cute Polar Bear image again – as always happy to oblige!

polarbear

Somebody asked to see the Shane McGowan dancing in Riverdance image again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see the Saturday Night Fever Disco Chicken again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see Ali with a chicken on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

He Was Forty Years Ahead Of His Time

Somebody has asked to see Nelson Mandela with a walnut whip on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

Lovely

has asked to see the David Niven With A Wagon Wheel On His Head Image again – as always happy to oblige!

A Sad End To A Great Career
 

Last week somebody asked to see Picasso smoking his fishfingers……What a strange world we live in.

By The End He Was On 20 A Day
During His Fish Period

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Hello Folks,

You will note how excited we were when our columnist Bob On The Pot seized the Papal Crown a couple of days ago, only to be usurped by that speccy, Swarthy Latin from Argentina, Frank.

Not Pope Bob On The Pot, has penned the following few words to express his sadness at losing the Papal Seal.

Pope Bob Takes His Throne Outside St Peter's

Hello

It’s not everyday you become Pope. It’s not everyday you unbecome Pope! Sadly my first Sermon On The Pot was to be my only one.

I was enjoying my new role to. The Potmobile was very comfy, and my lovely wife Shirley had given the confessionals in St Peter’s a makeover, with new TV’s, Jacuzzi and Minibar fitted.  Revamping transubstantiation was on her to do list as well.

I was gutted when Cardinal Kiddy-Fiddler told me that I was no longer Pope. The reasons were very flimsy;

  • I am not Catholic
  • I have trouble spelling my name
  • My table manners left a bit to be desired
  • The answers to life’s problem cannot be solved by the liberal application of cheese
  • My rash caused night sweats amongst some of the Clergy
  • I was married
  • I couldn’t knit

Most of these points are irrelevant and you CAN sort out most of your problems by the liberal application of Cheese.

But I have decided to set up a new religion. Potestantism.

You Have To Hand It To Him!

You Have To Hand It To Him!

I’ll be working on the finer details on the Megabus back from Rome, but Gambling, Tax Avoidance, Drink Driving and Free Rash Treatments will all feature as central tenets of Potestantism.

Our laws will be gleaned from the box set of Happy Days, Shirley bought me for Xmas.  “Sit On It!” will be our mantra.

But what really sticks in my craw is that they’ve given the job to an Argenbleedintinian! Jeez these bastards will think that the Falklands will be a doddle for ’em now.

And as for that cheatin’ knobhead Maradona – Hand Of God? Me arse – so I say- Bring It On Pope Diego – keep your hands off Guernsey.

Ham Of God

Ham Of God

Laters and don’t forget – Sit On It!

Not Pope Bob I

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Gingerfightback can reveal that the new Pope, Frank was previously a Limbo dancer earning a living in the Barrios of Buenos Aires by shuffling under  small apertures.

Pope Frank As He Looks Today

Pope Frank As He Looks Today

And of course he looks remarkably like  the legend  that is Jim Bowen.

The Pontiff Akimbo!

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Pope Bob Takes His Throne Outside St Peter's

Hello

It’s not everyday you become Pope!

Cheers to all the lads down at The Conclave And Acclamation for electing me. Trebles all round. The ring they gave me was lovely, so much so that my lovely wife Shirley has already nipped down to the pawnbrokers to see what it will fetch. Purely in an emergency situation you understand.

Facilities Management in St Peter’s are building a wonderful golden pot for me to be carried around on. The Potmobile.

Shirley has ordered a new water-bed and 56 inch TV for our new pad in The Vatican. The old bed was a bit small and full of bread crumbs! God knows (well if he doesn’t here where will he!) what Pope Benny got up to in it.

Don’t worry about sex though. I’ve been celibate for nearly 15 years now. Shirley really was thinking ahead on that one.

I must say I find all this get up ever so camp! Old fellas walking around in ermine, silk and velvet all telling us how to live our lives, to give to the poor and to abominate gays for wanting to get married? Weird when you think about it.

There’s enough gold and fancy candlesticks to make Liberace green with envy.  He would have made a good Pope. Tinkled the ivories like the best of them, loved a robe, a fine head of hair, had his ring kissed a lot and a fierce opponent of homosexuality (The lawyers told me to put that last bit in).

Anyway must go. Have to write my sermon. Tolerance is the theme (although that referee robbed United last week and should be shot, bleedin’ foreigners).

I will call it The Sermon From The Pot

Amen

Pope Bob I (Shirley says hello!)

Bob foresaw this in his last column for Gingerfightback which you can read here!

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