When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

Bob Lewington here;

I was round Aunt Bab’s this morning adjusting her new chairlift.

I had seized it from a Paralympic hero who had failed to pay her Council Tax. I won’t name names but this individual’s ability to inspire a generation didn’t wash with the Magistrate.

Still Bab’s was grateful for the chairlift, although technically speaking there is nothing actually wrong with her . Being bone idle is not recognised as a medical condition.

The lift does set her new wallpaper off a treat though.

I had the inaugural journey, as I needed the smallest room. Got stuck on the landing and had to walk the rest of the way. Not exactly Neil Armstrong but you can’t have everything in life.

I had a go at that Sudokio in The Sun whilst on the pot. All Those Numbers! In Boxes. Up. Down. Across. Did My Head In. Numbers are bollocks. End of.

So I rolled up the paper and swatted a fly who was banging its head against the frosted window pane.

Bit like me with the Sodokio.

I walked down the stairs. Part of a new Olympic inspired fitness programme. The lads in the Dubious Pilchard were impressed when I  told them. Given up crisps as well. Well, on Sundays at least.

I’m on the road to Rio!

Be lucky fella.

Bob

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Cameron Gives Clegg The Thumbs Up!

Well folks,

Britain’s great summer of sport is drawing to a close. Sadly,Bradley no more, Mo no more, Jessica no more, Weir no more or Ellie no more.

All the lads and lasses who ran, threw, rode, sailed, lifted and made peculiar noises with the strain of it all are now being adulated in their home towns, villages, sheds and/or bus stops.

Union Flags are being  folded and neatly placed in airing cupboards across the land.

As I write, I can hear hamstrings twanging as men of a certain age struggle into lycra in the vain hope of “I used to ride to school therefore I can make it to Rio in 2016”. The logic as ill-fitting as the sportswear.

Sadly, our politicians are now limbering up to take centre stage.

As the vainglorious peacocks in the Coalition Government unveil yet more incomprehensible incompetence, David Cameron has given Nick Clegg the thumbs up!

Oh Dear.

Rule of Thumb

But fear not, we always have Ed!

“I’ve Had The Adenoids Out Therefore I Am Fit For Porpoise”

Latest evidence suggests that they collaborated on a well known piece of art restoration!

“Have You Got A Green Felt Tip Pen George?”

Gawd help us.

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