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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  What A Day!

Nadzeya Ostapchuk won gold in the Women’s shot putt. Her hairstyle reminded me of Gordon Strachan circa 1988.

Australian Tom Slingsby won a gold in the Laser class sailing.  They will soon catch up with New Zealand! (Not that we are gloating after decades of drubbings from them – oh yes we are!)

These two seem to be enjoying themselves in the Greco-Roman wrestling!

Zaur Kuramagomedov of Russia competes with Hasan Aliyev of Azerbaijan 

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Cistercian Dispersion – Dates back to 645 AD, when monks on Holy Island, busy being ascetic and wondering what to do about the sweat rash from their woollen robes are captured by Vikings.

One Norseman has the bright idea of seeing how far he can fling their separated heads. The best monk chucker was then entered into the Dark Ages favourite quiz show Supermarket Pillage.

The sport has received something of a revival in the last ten years. Although they don’t throw monks heads anymore!  Instead a medicine ball with a wig glued onto it. But don’t worry the wig has a bald spot for a bit of authenticity.

Norway’s Jan-Dahl Tossderhead is favourite for gold although expect a challenge from the mighty Algerian Youssouf Al-Syrup.

2. Sausage Pocket

Marjorie Masticationio from Sicily can catch in the pocket of her slacks a flung sausage from a distance of 47 Metres!

A sport for all the family this one and with a tasty meaty snack never far away!

Marjorie hopes to land gold.  She has already medalled in the Synchronised Bacon Waving with her partner Gina Pollo.

Team GB’s Penny Whistle will be her main rival although her use of a chipolata is sure to be a bone of contention.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Another Ginger Gold!

Will we ever forget his spindly legged race for home?

When asked about his award from Gingerfightback Mo said, “I’ve always wanted to be ginger. This is even better than winning the 10,000 metres!”

Go Mo!

Suits Him!

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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  What A Day!

The 100 metres was won by Usain Bolt ans as forecast by Goingerfightback a couple of weeks ago he did it with a chicken on his head!

But the highlight was Asafa Powell’s goatee – what on earth was he thinking about?

Italy beat Team GB in the foil. We hope to gain revenge in the cling film.

In sailing Sweden won the Men’s Star Class (we don’t know what it means either – why can’t they say big boat, little boat, pedillo?).

Congratulations to Andy Murray for singing the national anthem after he won the Gold in the tennis. He has set Scottish independence back 15 years!

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Octogenarian Bollock Drop and Roll –  You will be aghast at the stretchy tessies elderly gentlemen possess. The record bollock roll of 23 feet will be under threat.

Favourite is 104 year old Kano Sackorollo from Japan,  whose danglers recently played a crucial role in helping to evacuate the plane carrying him to London after an emergency occurred on board. The escape shutes failed to activate and Kano rolled out his scrotum to allow passengers to slide to safety.

Expect (non) stiff competition from Spain’s Manuel Cardosa who hires his knackers out as a marquee!

2. Bouncing Bards 1500 metres

Athletics and Poetry combine to produce a remarkable spectacle. Poets hop around the track and recite poems written by local halfwits. Three and a half laps of the track and every poem will rhyme!

Can they take it? Will their berets stay on? Will they try to stroke Asafa’s goatee?

Favourite for the gold is Guatemala’s champion nose poet Jorge Belch who secured the world crown from Germany’s Gritt Beemer in controversial circumstances in Berlin this year.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  What A Day!

Ginger Greg leapt to glory in the sandpit of memories.

Michael Phelps hung up his verucca socks. We wish him and his bong a very happy and long retirement together. 

South Korea beat North Korea in Table Tennis. The South Koreans deny that having a potato around their lad’s neck was a deliberate ploy to distract the half-starved Stalinist. Miffed, North Korea tested their new missile in a display of bellicosity. The paper plane flew a giddy six feet. Be Warned Imperialist Lackey Dogs!

I was at the Weightlifting yesterday. Amazing to watch such feats of strength. Doesn’t lend itself to radio though, weightlifting. “He stares at the bar. He grips. He strains. He grunts. He lift’s. He’s shat himself!”.

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Synchronised Deep Fried Food Trampoline –  Marvel at Frenchman, Serge Hohehon’s ability to conjure a triple back somersault with tuck from his spring roll, whilst his bouncing samosa simultaneously performs a double piked somersault with twist. Remarkable stuff.,

His main challenger will be Colombia’s Pablo Drug-Cartel and his Deep Fried Feta’s bravado routine .

2. Pluckery

Imagine yourself blindfolded and nailed to a spinning wheel.  For twenty four hours you are spun and forced to listen to Huey Lewis and The News after which you watch the back catalogue of Steven Seagal’s films. Twice.

You then have all your body hair removed by sandpaper and castigated by the cast of Hair, whereupon a man called Ernie will bore you senseless about his feet and his love of tuna fish sandwiches.

This is lap 1 of the Olympic Pluckery contest. There are a further seventeen laps which contain even more cruel and unusual tests of endurance, capacity for boredom and innate dullness.

If you think you may have what it takes to be a future Pluckery champion, stay away from me you nutter!

Belgium’s Beatrice Molde is favourite for Gold.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Another great day of sport!

Congratulations to the big lad who won the Judo with the deadly Toyota Corolla throw  over another big lad.

I toddled over to Greenwich yesterday to watch the Dressage. The horses prance, skip, tippy toe around and hop. On one leg. Whilst eating a sandwich. Amazing! Doesn’t lend itself to radio though.

Kim Joyeon won the women’s fencing. Lovely bit of lattice-work and a nice privet hedge planted to boot.

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Handel’s Messiah Shopping Endurance – Choirs search for food secreted around the Olympic Park including  a tin of pilchards, carrots (to be chopped for dips), Pink Lady apples,  Oxo cubes, tea bags (free trade). A half pound of haslet if found will provide the golden point.

At all times they must recite Handel’s Messiah, including the boring bits.

Expect to see Cameroon, Paraguay and Bhutan (where the sport is a national obsession) to be in the mix for medals.

2. Cliff Diving For Vertigo Sufferers

The cliff is 8 inches from the ground.

Vietnam’s  How Hi-Fuk Me is expected to make a splash.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

PHEW! What a day!

Ki Bo-Bae from Korea won gold in the women’s individual archery final by defeating Mexico’s Aida Roman in a sudden death shoot out.

She got her in the head.

Who’d have thought that Archery was so brutal? Still, it  made for great television and a Priest was on hand to administer last rights and hang the silver around the prone Roman’s neck.

A Chinese man won the Table Tennis. There’s a surprise. Listened to it on the radio. Doesn’t lend itself to radio does Table Tennis.

Finally, well done to our brave lads in their canoes! As the country that discovered water in 1967 this is only right.

A couple of sports for you to look out for today.

1. Donkey Dangling – First popularised is Ancient Babylon. Ask yourself this question. How long can you dangle from a donkey? When I tell you the Mohammed Algreen from Egypt can dangle for twenty-three days without food, water or “natural break” you will realise  this sport combines, endurance, pointlessness and chafing in equal measure.

Algreen is the favourite. Team GB’s hopes rest with titchy Welshman Dai Do-Rail.

2. Toe Nail Triathlon – A true test of clippage skills this one. The triathlon covers;

Speed clipping (with no trailing cuticle).

The distance clip (marvel at the wrist action).

The reverse toe buff and varnish ((colour optional).

The Philipines have dominated this event for years. Sadly Team GB’s entrant Rupert Peveral has had to withdraw due to a nasty fungal infection around his left big toe.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

We are still basking in the glow of Sir Bradley of Wiggins Gold medal triumph! The sideburns of destiny have certainly done the trick.

You may have read about the Chinese, Korean and Indonesian Badminton players disqualified for trying not to win their games. I’ve had shuttlecock trouble in the past too! Penicillin sorted that one out! Not bad for a  glove puppet.

I visited the water polo yesterday too. It’s an old gag but worth it.

 

A couple of sports for you to look out for today.

1. The Big Lad Lollop –  Watch out for the Mongolian 7 footer Mangang Sorghum attempting to win his third straight Gold.

2. Fish Tickling – The Aquatic Centre will be teeming with fish life today as the qualifying heats gets underway. The favourite for gold is Poland’s Zgbniew Zaplinski, the only man who has achieved the holy grail of fish tickling by managing to get a guffaw out of a Koi Carp (a very shy fish). His main challenger will be from Italy’s Maureen Ambrosiani. Her digitally dextrous exploits with Rainbow Trout are the stuff of fish tickling legend.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Great to see Team GB claim the silver in the three-day eventing. Bunty, Tibby, Lucinda, Rupert and Lavinia all deserve our applause. I managed to get really close to the action this time (although my ginger wig fell off in the water jump).

Sooty tails Zara

Also congratulations to Michael “Bongboy”Phelps for securing his place in Olympic history with 18 medals. A terrific achievement. The sponsorship deal with Rizla is richly deserve. No oil painting though is he!

Shooting is another sport that doesn’t lend itself to radio.

A couple of sports for you to look out for today.

1. Cross Country –  Spain is fuming, Paraguay is livid but I expect the puce faced Canadians to take this one. They are SO cross.

2. Bus Stop Haranguing – First appearance in The Games and long overdue in my opinion. Expect Bolivia’s Juan Martin Del-Irius to feature in the medal shake up but I have an inkling that Team GB’s Larry Nutter and his famous Cheese Diatribe perfected over years at Preston Bus Station to nonplussed passengers waiting to alight the bus to Colne will set the Bus Shelter Arena alive with his angry babbling.

Enjoy The Games! Sooty.

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Hello Folks,

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS, will provide a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012. Here is his update for Day 3.

Hello everyone,

Great to see Team GB win its first medals. Well done Girls! A Dutch rider won the cycling. I say fair play but demand a DRUG TEST. It was obvious the only way she could beat the plucky Brit was by downing a few pints of EPO before the start.

Generally the knees I’ve seen have been wonderful. Much better than previous Games. 

The sailing started too. In the water. I listened to it on the Radio for a while. Doesn’t lend itself to radio does sailing.

MacDonald’s are offering their unused corporate seats to anyone who isn’t obese. That’s really kind of them!  

Anyway there are a couple of sports I think you should look out for today.

1. Synchronised Sarcasm  –  A great chance for Ecuador to medal today. Their team of Martinez, Garcia and Pollyputthekettleoncahoutec told me yesterday that their only concern was the team from Lesotho, “Because like they are really, really good.”

I wonder if they were being sarcastic? They are cheeky pan piping chappies!

2. Five Metre Prone Ham Sandwich Making –  A really open contest, possibly too close to call. The New Zealander, Rod Pelvis is the defending champion and his reverse butter spread backhand may give his great rival, Ireland’s Tony O’Chutney problems.

O’Chutney told me, “He may have the reverse butter spread backhand but I’ve perfected the split tin tap down and contingent slice. Bring it on!”

Enjoy The Games! Sooty.

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Hello,

The Olympics have started. We hope you enjoyed the opening ceremony (we didn’t have a clue either) and will enjoy the sports fest that is, quite simply London 2012.

We can’t compete with the media terms of reporting the unfurling drama that is, quite simply London 2012.

Ginger Sooty will be searching out the stories that go under the radar, the stealth stories. Athletes’ heartache, joy, sadness and all the striving that they have striven for in order to achieve their goal of achieving their goal. For this is quite simply London 2012.

So Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS, where should we be looking for glory in these Olympics?

Hello everyone, Ginger Sooty here. Can’t believe the Olympics have finally started. Did you see Paul McCartney last night? Is he now made of wax? Macca mate, you are a legend – no need to coat yourself in formaldehyde!

Anyway there are a couple of sports I think you should look out for today.

1. Formation Immolation – Led by three-time world immolation champion, Ash Smoulder, Team GB has a real medal chance in this event. Despite feeling a little burned out after the qualification round, Ash is confident of victory, if he can reform in time. If he wins he will set the country alight! (as well as himself).

2. Pillow Dribble Staining – The Central Asian Republic of Tyzkiastan will grind to a halt at 3 pm (GMT) when the country’s greatest athlete and legendary Pillow Dribble Stainer, Olga Bonjelarenko goes for her fifth succesive Olympic Gold.

Blessed with a saliva so toxic, that the tongues of potential suitors have to be sheathed in lead, Bonjelarenko is hoping to repeat her performance in Beijing where the stain on her pillow remains visible from Outer Space.

Enjoy The Games! Sooty.

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