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Posts Tagged ‘The Guardian’

Hello Folks,

I recently had to seize goods to the value of £3,578.78 from an Indian Head Massage parlour in Maidenhead for non-payment of Business Rates.

I’m not really up to speed with all this mystic stuff  – I first ate a courgette when I was 42 and I still don’t understand the concept of a meal without chips. So you see where I’m coming from.

As the chief masseur Eric, a tall lad with a touch of Shirley Bassey about him, scrambled around looking for money, I availed myself of his facilities. My new Five A Day regime is really working.

Naturally, being a place that deals with mumbo jumbo I had a shufty at a three-week old Guardian stuffed behind the toilet radiator. Inside was an article by that bloke from Tibet  The Dalai Lama.  Sounds like a veggie curry to me but there you go.

Old Dilly Dalai was talking about the benefits of meditation for a tranquil and peaceful life. Inspired, I decided to give mediationism a go.

So I assumed the Lotus position on the pot, tricky with your trousers around your ankles, rebalanced my cheeks, closed my eyes and emptied my thoughts.

“OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhmmmmmm” I cried. I felt good.

“OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhmmmmmm” I repeated. I felt better. Lighter. In tune with my life.

There was a small plop.

I opened my eyes and there was Eric standing in front of me with 26 pence in loose change. As I had reached a higher spiritual plane I gave him an extra week to get the money together.

I also told him to put a lock on his toilet door.

Be Lucky

Bob

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Hello Folks,

Gfb welcomes a new columnist Bob Lewington.

Bob a Bailiff, recently met us when he sought to seize the Leather Cornerpiece (with detachable armrests) I had bought on tick from Matalans the other month.

After a conversation about repayments, Bob asked if he could use the facilities. When he emerged from the smallest room, he commented, “Nice collection of motoring magazines you have to hand Fightback. I always read when I’m on the Pot. It’s an Oasis in an otherwise hectic schedule.”

Happily, Bob agreed not to repossess my Leather Cornerpiece (with detachable armrests) on the proviso that he could contribute to Gfb in some way.

So Bob, Over To You!

Hello Everyone!

When I’m on the pot, I like to read a lot. It’s a man thing!

There was a Guardian Newspaper left in the bog of the house I was repossesing today. Very interesting article about the demise of the Polar Ice Cap. I was worried for a moment.

I also read an article about that Wikileaks fella Julian Lasagna.

Sadly there was no toilet roll………

All the best,

Bob.

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