Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘The Bible’

This week’s request comes from the highly talented writer Amy Reese, whose stories you can FIND HERE

Recently released as a Blockbuster epic featuring Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Ray Winstone and Jennifer Connolly, the timeless tale of Noah is a warning to us all of something or other.

Biblical Scholars have posited the theory that the wrath of God on Man for something or other wasn’t manifested in a deluge of rain but actually a plague of sausages!  As Genesis 3:16 sayeth “And lo the Almighty’s anger was assuaged only by wreaking upon the sinful and idolatrous a great deluge of tasty if salty, meat based products with minimum guaranteed meat content. Forsayeth.”

Would the animals still have gone in 2×2? Pity the Pig……..

 

russell 3 copy

 

IS THERE ANYTHING OR ANYONE YOU WOULD LIKE A SAUSAGE ADDED TO? LET US KNOW!

Read Full Post »

Hello,

Regular readers will recall that I met a  man called Trevor through the reincarnee’s dating agency, “Have We’ve Met B4?”  (www.previouslovepreviouslives.com). Trevor in a previous life was a Roman Centurion. (You can read more about how we met here!)

Sadly it didn’t work out. Basically he spent all his time assembling a 25,000 piece mosaic of himself as a Gladiator killing a Christian, in his spare bedroom. Odd.

So I am single at the moment!

Recently, whilst shoplifting,  I bumped into an old friend Cindy.  I hadn’t seen her for ages on account of her taking up with some hippies who went to live in a tepee in the Slad Valley. Cindy spent most of her time weaving baskets made from dessicated skin. Through a combination of primal scream therapy , magic mushrooms and cider she inhabited the soul of Lot’s Wife! (the one who turned to a pillar of salt after turning back to look at Sodom for the non-religious amongst you).

She said it wasn’t much fun being a pillar of salt, made her dandruff salty and she would dissolve a bit in the rain.

Being Lot’s wife wasn’t for her! (Funny how Lot’s wife doesn’t have a name).

To prove her tale,  she let me lick her forearm. Boy was it salty!  She’s staying with me whilst her tepee is deep cleaned. Whenever I have a boiled egg for breakfast she dips her little finger in the eggs and hey presto! they are nicely salted!

When it snows, I will roll her down the garden path! Save me a fortune.

Agnes

Read Full Post »