Huge Soup Well Discovered

 

A huge minestrone soup well has been discovered in Utah, USA with enough reserves to give every human being a bowl of broth EVERYDAY for 245 YEARS!

The well was discovered by legendary oilman Tex McToughuts. When his big bit struck the pocket in the sub-strata which boffins assumed contained oil, a huge plume of minestrone jetted 2,500 feet in the air and was visible from space. For a bit.

Diced carrot and bits of celery landed as far afield as Senegal!

McToughnuts, a man so hard that he cheered when Bambi’s Mum was shot (citing the right to bear arms) was dumbfounded by the discovery.

“Ah don’t even like minestrone soup!” he told Gfb, “Ah always like Cream o’Chicken afore I go a lynchin’.”

However with the price of Oil plummeting McToughnuts is set to make millions. Soup expert Dorothy Broth-Breath told Gfb, “A barrel of West Texas soup is currently fetching $ 125. Don’t slurp!”

Fracking unbelievable.

Readers may recall the recent opening of a broccoli mine in Western Australia. Is there a link?

Probably not.

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Barry Belcher – The Mystic Milkman’s Predictions For 2015

I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I predict predictions.

These were my predictions for 2014.

1. December 2012 – Like The Mayans I believe the world will end on 21st December 2012.

2. 2014 – Feet will be bigger in 2014 by an average of 7.54% per toe.

3. July 2014 –   Nelson Mandela will finally depart the earth for a better place.

As you can see I was right about Nelson whilst NASA has confirmed that toes are 3.68% bigger on average this year.  The world did end in 2012 but most men have yet to notice due to internet porn.

I know you are agog with anticipation to learn of my predictions for 2015.

So, without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?

1. Everyone will take pointless images of themselves. These images will be called Selfies.

2. Dallas will be reinvented as a healthy eating soap opera set in the elasticated waistbanded, masticated heartland of Texas. Sallad will be the year’s Breaking Bad.

3. Taylor Swift’s nasal passage will be the setting for the new Star War’s franchise. She will sneeze the Millenium Falcon into hyper-space in spectacular fashion! “The Empire’s Hooter” will be a box office smash.

Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” –

Elaine, Walthamstow

The cat ate it.

Barbara, Adelaide

Mum kept the receipt in case you didn’t like the blouse.

Liang Bo in Shanghai

Bo Bing thinks velcro fasteners would be a safer bet for you.

Well folks, the Milk Bottle of Mystery is being returned to the Crate of Destiny.

Until next time……….HAPPY 2011!

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Beyonce And Jay Z Share Their Fence With Us! All New Fences Of The Famous!

Hello!

“All the world’s a fence.”

Like doubts, we all have them or know someone who has them. Fences that is.

What does your Fence say about you?  Rotten? Gateless? No Footings?

Who knows? Who cares! 

This month legendary singer of screechy songs Beyoncé and her lovely hubby Jay Z, show us their brand new colonial fence! Both are keen horticulturists and this snaps shows the couple debating where to plant the marrows this year (We think Beyoncé will get her way!)

 

Is there a famous person’s fence you would like to see? Let us know and be entered into our prize draw!

 

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George W Bush’s Paintings Resembled………..

Many of you will be aware of President George W Bush’s love of painting despite the fact that they can only be described as shite.

Did he draw inspiration from the famous Fresco restoration of Cecilia Giminez on Ecce Homo in The Sanctuary of Mercy Church near Zaragoza?

Her handiwork was described as “A crayon sketch of a very hairy monkey in an ill-fitting tunic.”

Do George and Cecilia share the same brush technique?

Whaddya think?

The Resemblance Is Uncanny!

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