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Aunty Bill - A Tin Opener Short

Dear Aunty Bill,

I have recently taken up astronomy but have run into some problems with the neighbours over my nocturnal hobby. I’ve been accused of being a Peeping Tom and worse.

Any ideas?

Dr Speck

Aunty Bill Replies,

Dear Dr Speck,

I sympathise with your neighbours.

Astronomy is often used as covert cover for the sole purpose of peering into a neighbour’s bathroom (for obvious reasons), spying on next door’s washing line (same) and then running around the garden at midnight excitedly shouting, ” I can see Uranus!”,”Wow! – the size of those rings!” or “My! Venus is big tonight!”

Don’t start the Jodrell Bank routine as that’s asking for trouble.

Some of the guys with me here in Open Prison are breaking rocks in the hot sun for exactly this behaviour.

I suggest you ditch the telescope before the Old Bill come charging into your front room, stick a tag on your leg and get you to sign the Sex Offenders register.

Better still move to Peru, Hawaii or the Andes all of which have huge telescopes and you can run around shouting to your heart’s content (be careful in the Andes though, the air’s a bit thin and if you are chesty like me there could be consequences).

Bon Voyage!

Aunty Bill

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