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Posts Tagged ‘Taylor Swift’

I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I predict predictions.

These were my predictions for 2014.

1. December 2012 – Like The Mayans I believe the world will end on 21st December 2012.

2. 2014 – Feet will be bigger in 2014 by an average of 7.54% per toe.

3. July 2014 –   Nelson Mandela will finally depart the earth for a better place.

As you can see I was right about Nelson whilst NASA has confirmed that toes are 3.68% bigger on average this year.  The world did end in 2012 but most men have yet to notice due to internet porn.

I know you are agog with anticipation to learn of my predictions for 2015.

So, without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?

1. Everyone will take pointless images of themselves. These images will be called Selfies.

2. Dallas will be reinvented as a healthy eating soap opera set in the elasticated waistbanded, masticated heartland of Texas. Sallad will be the year’s Breaking Bad.

3. Taylor Swift’s nasal passage will be the setting for the new Star War’s franchise. She will sneeze the Millenium Falcon into hyper-space in spectacular fashion! “The Empire’s Hooter” will be a box office smash.

Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” –

Elaine, Walthamstow

The cat ate it.

Barbara, Adelaide

Mum kept the receipt in case you didn’t like the blouse.

Liang Bo in Shanghai

Bo Bing thinks velcro fasteners would be a safer bet for you.

Well folks, the Milk Bottle of Mystery is being returned to the Crate of Destiny.

Until next time……….HAPPY 2011!

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Ginger troubadour, Ed Sheeran was interviewed again by Gfb about music, Taylor Swift,  his pet sausage Dennis and his passion for coach holidays.

edsheeran

46 year old Ed, whose new single “I Managed To Rope Pharrell In” is released, soon told Gfb’s Mandy Trifle, “The collaboration with Pharrell came about because we both wear hats! I like beanies that smell a bit in the rain, not the fancy pants ones that Vivienne Westwood designs for him. When Dennis, my pet sausage also pointed out that we were both black and Ginger, it seemed silly not to do a duet.”

Ed 27, also explained how he came to collaborate with beanpole pop superstar Taylor “Hammers Of Justice” Swift. Their duet, “I Managed To Rope Taylor In” topped the charts.

“Dennis pointed out that the since both Taylor and I are white, women and been on a date with Harry Styles from No Direction. It seemed silly not to do a duet. It went to #1 in 46 countries including Belgebourg, a place that doesn’t even exist!”

Redhead Ed, 33 told us that he is knackered and needs a holiday. “My beanie needs a wash. So I’ve booked a coach trip around the Lake District for me and Dennis to watch sheepdog trials. I like sheep. Do you? Baa Baa.”

Come By Lad!

 

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World Exclusive!

Ginger troubadour, Ed Sheeran recently spoke to Gingerfightback about music, his lucky sausage Dennis and his love of sheep and coach holidays.

46 year old Ed, whose new single “I Haven’t Told You Lately That I Love You Because I Mumble,” is released next week, told Gfb’s showbiz correspondent Barry Island, “I wasplaying gigs in kennels and cycle racks when Dennis, my lucky sausage approached me and reckoned we should team up. I thought it strange that a talking sausage had rock n roll pretensions, but thought why the hell not? I wrote a song entitled “The Sausage I Love”. It was a massive hit on You Tube and the rest is history.”

edsheeran

                                                                                                  

Ed’s first album + has sold by the bucket load all over the place. Ed said, “I was going to call it “Thank You Dennis My Lucky Sausage,” but those corporate pigs at the record company changed it to +. It has been number 1 in 46 countries including Belgebourg, a place that doesn’t even exist! I owe it all to Dennis.”

Redhead Ed, 33 also told us that he is knackered and needs a holiday. “The strings on my guitar have gone a bit wonky. So I’ve booked a two week coach trip around the Lake District for me and Dennis to watch sheepdog trials and sheep at rest. I like sheep especially when they are woolly. Baa, baa.”

ginger sheep                                                                                                           

Is it a case of Sheeran’s, Shearings shearing holiday we wonder!

shearings

                                                                   

This Is The Type Of Coach They Could Be On!

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