When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

Hello,

The weather in On The Potland

With hot weather comes the need to cook outdoors. Specifically a barbecue. For those of you who are foreign firstly, I don’t hold it against you  and secondly you must understand that Barbecue’s are a recent phenomenonenonenonenon here in the UK because microwaving is our traditional way of cooking.  Obviously I’ve tried to Barbecue with a microwave oven, but the oven melts a bit.

Making a barbecuing microwave oven with backlit charcoal surround is on my list of things to do, in between Row The Atlantic and Visit The Dentist.

Any road up, we had a BBQ on Saturday. My lovely wife Shirley, whose topless sunbathing can still be seen on Google Earth despite her writing to the NSA and GCHQ, invited our neighbours Gwen and Martin Tidsdale.

I’d forgotten that Martin is a food inspector for the local Council. Before you could say, “I’d give the chicken another ten minutes Bob, there’s blood seeping out of this one,” he’s slapped a food safety notice on me and chided me for drinking my Croation imported lager whilst handling raw food. Not exactly a barrel of laughs is Martin. Been hit with the ugly stick to.

“Fat Twat!” Shirley jokingly called me as she poked the snapped cork into her bottle of Estonian Pinot Grigio.  Wine with cork bits floating in it always looks appealing to me. Tastes better too. More body.

Didn’t stop her knocking it back. Then she started wailing, “Last Christmas” by Wham. Martin tried to serve a noise abatement notice on her. He’s not a Wham fan. But that’s my Shirley!

A drunkard.

Funnily enough, ever since  the Barbie I’ve been in the smallest room for hours on end taking with me a nice roll of Andrex that has been in the chest freezer for a day or two.  I should have given that chicken five more minutes.

Think I’ll put the Barbie away. Stick to the microwave. Food you can trust.

Laters

Bob

Read Full Post »

Whe Bob’s On The Pot – He Likes To Read A Lot

Hello,

The weather here in On The Potland has been roasting!

With hot weather comes the need to cook outdoors. Specifically a barbecue. For those of you who are foreign, firstly you can’t have everything in life and secondly you must understand that Barbecue’s are a recent phenomenonenonenonenon here in the UK largely because we can’t Barbecue in the microwave as is our traditional way of cooking these days.  Obviously I’ve tried but the bottom of the oven melts a bit.

Inventing a mobile barbecuing microwave oven with backlit charcoal surround is on my list of things to do just after Row The Atlantic but before Visit The Dentist.

Any road up, we had a BBQ on Saturday. My lovely wife Shirley, whose topless sunbathing can still be seen on Google Earth despite her writing to the NSA and GCHQ, invited our neighbours Gwen and Martin Tidsdale.

I’d forgotten that Martin is a food inspector for the local council. Before you could say, “I’d give the chicken another ten minutes Bob, there’s blood seeping out of this one,” he’s slapped a food safety notice on me, chided me for not wearing goggles whilst cookin’ and slurpin’ on me Croation Imported Lager and asked to see my public liability insurance before tucking into the grub. Not exactly a barrel of laughs is Martin. He ate a carrot and advised Gwen to do the same. She nibbled on a Quorn sausage. Which was brave of her.

“Fat Twat!” Shirley jokingly called me as she used a screwdriver to poke the snapped cork back into the bottle of Estonian Pinot Grigio. I’m not a dab hand with the corkscrew you see. Still, a chilled wine with cork bits floating in it always looks appealing to me. Didn’t stop her knocking it back though and Martin tried to serve a noise abatement notice on her. Obviously not a Wham fan. Mind you wailing “Last Christmas” in July is not everyone’s cup of tea. But that’s my Shirley!

A drunkard.

I’m not saying the food was ropey but since then I’ve been retreating to the smallest room for hours on end taking with me a nice roll of Andrex that has been in the chest freezer for a day or two before hand.

Think I’ll put the Barbie away.

Lids Down Gents

Bob

Read Full Post »

Ripe Cherries – By Paul Holland

 

Bend down the ripe cherries to me
Bend me the bough
Red dining of cherries
Swift summers ripening
Chin and mouth

Spilling juice
Sweet sucking of stones
Bend to me the cherries
Bend me the bough.

Read Full Post »

Hydrangeas (By Paul Holland)

Hydrangeas

Summer’s new hydrangeas blooming in the rain
Summer’s hydrangeas in the pouring rain
Blooming rain
Blooming hydrangeas
It’s raining, it’s summer and the hydrangeas are…….
Blooming lovely

Read Full Post »

Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 16

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  We’re done!

Wigs off to Mo Farah for winning the 5,000 metres and also to the Jamaican 4×100 metres team for breaking the world record on their way to gold.

David Boudia of the US won the 10 metre diving (with titchy trunks on).

Tamara Echegoyen Dominguez, Sofia Toro Prieto Puga and Angela Pumariega Menendez of Spain  won gold in the women’s Elliott 6m Sailing

Another great sailor was Kirk Douglas. The photo shows what happened to his boat. Ahoy there!

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

I would like to see the theme of the Summer Fete being incorporated into the closing ceremony and not all of that esoteric power blather. All played out over a dodgy PA system.

So first up would be The Donkey Derby;

Then; Glamorous Granny

Followed by;  Knobbly Knees!

Then; The Triathlon!

Finally of course – The Raffle!

First Prize – A Christmas Hamper

Second Prize – A Set of Cotton Sheets

Third Prize – A Bottle of Pomagne

Fourth Prize – A Kettle (With Lead)

Fifth Prize – A Pair Of Slippers

Sixth Prize – A Lamp (Without Shade)

Hopefully the rain will hold off for it.

I Hope You Enjoyed  The Games!

Nighty Night

Sooty

Read Full Post »