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Posts Tagged ‘Show Business’

I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I have been predicting predictions, with little accuracy for a number of years now.

I am up with the Lark, delivering milk in my hometown of Devizes. I also deliver eggs, orange juice, potatoes, bread (wholemeal mostly but the occasional white sliced) and yoghurt.

So, without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?

1. Hairy knees will be this year’s must have accessory amongst the Hollywood glitterati.

2. Vladimir Putin’s testicles will douse a giant forest fire in Siberia.

3. Terry Wogan’s wig to be granted World Heritage Status by UNESCO.

4. Princess Kate to have her first baby and call the girl George.

Will these prove accurate readers? Only time will tell………

Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” –

Deirdre in Stockton,

It’s behind the flour tin.

Aranja in Pamplona

The loose floorboard under the stairs.

Malisarno in Palermo

You will find the answer on the blind woman’s mole

 

Well folks, the Milk Bottle of Mystery is being returned to the Crate of Destiny. Until next time……….I’ll keep me pints a rattlin’ for ye!

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Hello!

“All the world’s a fence.”

Like doubts, we all have them or know someone who has them. Fences that is.

What does your Fence say about you?  Rotten? Gateless? No Footings?

Who knows? Who cares! 

This month legendary singer of screechy songs Beyoncé and her lovely hubby Jay Z, show us their brand new colonial fence! Both are keen horticulturists and this snaps shows the couple debating where to plant the marrows this year (We think Beyoncé will get her way!)

beyonce jay z copy

 

Is there a famous person’s fence you would like to see? Let us know and be entered into our prize draw!

 

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This week’s request comes from a great friend of GFB, artist Marina Kavinaki whose wondrous works you can FIND HERE!

Marina asked for Jack Nicholson in The Shining to be sausaged.

As you can see from this section of the film The Sausage on Jack’s head drove him to break down “That Door” originally using a Meat Pie Head Axe.

Stanley Kubrick later re-shot the scene with a more traditional axe head.

shining 4 copy

 

The second photo shows Shelley working  out if she can swallow the dreaded Meat Pie Axe Head as it crashes through the door panel.

That must have been some tough pastry folks (note the hand crimping on the pie too – touch of class).

sissy copy

 

We gingered Jack a few months ago – here it is again!

jack_nocholson

 

 

IS THERE ANYTHING OR ANYONE YOU WOULD LIKE A SAUSAGE ADDED TO? LET US KNOW!

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Hello!

“All the world’s a fence.”

Like doubts, we all have them or know someone who has them. Fences that is.

What does your Fence say about you?  Secondary Picket? Loosely Hinged? A Godfather? Weak Footings?

Who knows? Who cares! 

This month wonderful actor Benedict “Benny” Cumberbatch has shared his lovely little Closed Border Fence with us. We now know where he got his inspiration for photo bombing Bono and his pals at the Oscars!

Bono in a box

Bono in a box

All I want to say is

Bono in a box

cumberbnatch 2

Boo Bono!

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As the Winter Olympics draw to a close, GFB brings you a world exclusive photo of over hyped pop sensation Miley Cyrus Twerking her way to Olympic Glory !

Yes folks, all that arse wobbling and oddly sexless posing on stage with dirty old men, also desperate for a piece of cheap publicity to flog their pap, was in fact preparation for Miley’s assault on the Ski Jumping title in Sochi.

As you can see the positioning of the buttocks is remarkable similar. Miley steered with titchy movements of her tongue. If she had her dad’s mullet for the jump, the extra drag would have added a few more metres and she would have finished higher than 43rd.

We could be wrong, but hope she puts her buttocks away now.

miley cyrus jump_edited-1

Here is Miley in pre-season training with a sausage………

miley_twerk

 

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Don’t say we never cash in….

beiber_sausage

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Yes! (It may explain the scripts)

bonneville sausage

“You want me to say what?”

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As our regular readers will know we spent a lot of time this year applying sausages to heads of the famous.

Below are a few examples of our handiwork; Can you name the individuals concerned?

bruce copy

spock copy

bono1 copy

miley_twerk

chuck norris copy

crowe sausage

hulk copy

ryangosling1

Harry Potter Sausage_edited-2

OSCARS-BEST PICTURE

eminem_edited-1

sirkeith

Dan and Rach Together!

beiber_sausage

We will continue our work in 2014 – Is there anyone you would like to see accompanied by a sausage in 2014? Let us know!

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Gingerfightback has learned that Jesus and Santa Claus have been bought by THE GREATEST man in the world Simon Cowell and Christmas has been rebranded “Cowellmass”.

Pop svengali and high fibre enthusiast Simon told Gfb, “I am great. Everybody knows that and it is fitting that, by popular demand, December 25th is named after me as it shows my greatness and enormous humility.  I will be delivering kids’ prezzies myself tomorrow night. To make the day even better for these whelps they will receive a photo of me. They can then adore me to their heart’s content. As a result of this act of magnificent munificence I have soiled myself and need a new nappy.”

santa_cowell

Here is the snap of Simon your kids will receive. What a great guy he is.

simon_cowell goetta copy

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Gingerfightback is tipping Brucie’s syrup to lift the old glitter ball this evening.

Whoops!

As the picture shows the fast moving toupe is set to wow the judges and the public with its nifty footwork and rise and fall to the Latin beat. As Gfb’s dance correspondent  Kimberley Knee-Cap said, “That wig is the finest exponent of dance I have ever seen. I drink to excess, have a Class A habit and recently sought solace from life’s miseries through Scientology, but rest assured I know what I am talking about. Hic.”

Rumours that domestic goddess Nigella Lawson will appear in next year’s series were met with snorts of derision by BBC insiders.

nigella-hiding-sausage

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