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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  Only a few days to go now!

Canoeing – Eirik Verus Larsen from Norway won a gold in sprint canoeing. He got himself into a bit of a paddle but came good in the end.

Another Viking who was in the final was Kirk Douglas. Sadly Kirk’s canoe didn’t make the end of the race.

Wrestling – Japan’s Kaori Icho became the first woman to win three Olympic wrestling gold medals by beating China’s Jing Ruixue in the freestyle 63kg final. Wonder who her squeeze is. Brave lad.

Athletics – Alyson Felix of the USA  won the Women’s 200 hundred metres final.  She really is poetry in motion. The Beret, Goatee and Cigarette clamped between her teeth certainly give that impression.

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Sprint Shoe Horning

The sport that requires you to slip slip-ons on pronto.

The world record stands at 27 pairs fitted and removed in a minute. The shoes used are two sizes smaller than a competitor’s foot size.

Esteban “The Man With Hooves Instead Of Feet” Cordobes from Ecuador is favourite to take gold. Watching him “slipping” at race pace is like watching a magician at work, only this magician’s magic wand is a tortoise-shell shoe-horn with “Esteban” written  on it. In Mother of Pearl.

Evangelists think he is the Devil because of his cloven hooves instead of feet – we are not so sure.

Expect Canada’s Larry Bertrand to challenge. His his mum always holds a giant crucifix over him when he takes on Esteban.

(We’ve just heard that Larry has been found dead, his shoe horn rammed through his heart and “Esteban Diablo” written in Larry’s own blood by the cadaver).

2. Sado Masochists 10,000 Metres 

The most prestigious athletic competition for fetishists and the S&M fraternity.

10 competitors will be entered for this race (with a variety of implements) and  Dominatrix Madam Sin  and her “Little Bleeder” will whip them into shape round the back passage on this brand spanking new track.

The warm weather has forced organisers to ban gimp masks.

Belgium’s Jean Luc-Squeak will take some beating (as he does most Thursday nights) in this race. Tony Belter from Australia will provide stiff opposition however.

The losers will be tied together, castigated and publicly humiliated by the stadium’s 80,000 spectators for several hours.

Much to their delight!

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty!

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It is always nice to see a man who takes pride in his appearance. My fellow passenger handled the worn Pumice stone with delicacy and no little dexterity. The exfoliation of his feet began on the outskirts of Swindon.

Rubbed Nirvana was achieved as we rolled into Reading.

He admired his handiwork as far as Slough and then refitted the black knee length socks which had been so carefully removed twenty five minutes earlier. The socks clamped with elastic elation around his hairy calves.

His shoes needed a polish. But I didn’t feel in a position to tell him.

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