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Aunty Bill - A Tin Opener Short

Bardon Me?

Aunty Bill

What is your favourite Shakespeare Play? I have you down as a Macbeth fan but my mate Jack reckons you are favourite is The Six Million Dollar Man.

Which is it?

Thick Sid, Tetbury

Aunty Bill Replies;

Fellas,

Not being one for the great Bard I’m afraid I can’t pick a favourite. I quite liked “Last of the Mohicans Summer Wine” which I saw as a damning indictment of the treatment of the elderly being uprooted from their established communities and plonked in the countryside to get on with it and also “Cider with Rosie”,the sad tale of a once promising basket weaver and his spiral into drink addled madness.

Much preferred “Shakespeare’s Sister” – she could hold a tune and her ability to play both the Jews harp and the sackbut at the same time earned her the plaudits of all who saw her play – bit one dimensional but hey! Its only rock & roll and I like it like it yes I do!

Check out “Hormonally Yours”& “Sacred Heart”, both shining examples of the genre and both heavy on the spoons – another area where she excelled. Of no particular interest is the title track from Sacred Heart which features a five minute extended Jews harp workout– phew! Can that girl play……

The late great Bernie Winters credits her with influencing his move away from “comedy” to a more “musical”orientated approach to trying to screw a few bob out of the public.

Rock on Tommy!

Aunty Bill

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Hello Folks!

Oily George, Gfb’s Beauty ace,  is in North America scouting locations for adult versions of two Shakespeare plays.

King Leer and the The Porn Merchant of Venice Beach, are in pre-production.  Donny McGuff will star as Leer and Shycock respectively in these erotic Elizabethan extravaganzas.

Thanks to Gfb’s friend and fellow blogger, Lizzie Cracked we have come up with an unforgettable prize competition for Oily’s legion of fans.

A CHANCE TO MEET HIM!

Over the next few weeks, Oily is scouting  locations in the following areas;

Los Angeles

Burt Reynold’s Wig

Salt Lake City

Minnesota (In a Van Halen tribute band)

Tom Cruise’s underpants

Chicago

Walton Mountain

Toronto

Baffin island

New York

The Partridge Family’s Bus

Atlanta

Dollywood

Petrocelli’s unfinished house

New Orleans

Swamp Daddy’s Crawfish Shack

Houston

If you are near any of these locations and would like to meet Oily, the prize on offer is;

1. A body part (of your choice) in one of the movies

2. A signed copy of Oily’s new biography “Oily – The Leopard Print Years”.

3. A night out with Oily at the world famous Slippery Sam’s in Galveston, Texas

So, for a chance to win, simply complete the following caption in less than 12 words!

“I want to meet Oily George and admire his enormous……..”

We look forward to receiving your entries. (Over 18’s only please, GSOH, Non-Smokers, No Knob Jokes and NO TIME WASTERS).

Closing Date June 32nd 2012.

*(This competition is in the sole ownership of Gingerfightback promotions and as such all intellectual property, either implied or explied will remain with the pre-said organisation unless a sausage can be waved in the air in a threatening manner).

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As you know Oily George, Gfb’s Beauty advisor has helped many to improve their body image and styling through his appreciation of style, sex, erotica, smut and the ability to sexually innuendise anything he sees.

Hello Oily,

I was wondering if you could let me know what you have for breakfast. I’m sure it is the secret to you maintaining your fantastic figure and youthful looks.

Wendy, Bolsover

Oily Replies;

Wendy!

I start the day with a bowl of Hornflakes.  And some fruit. Bananas mostly. Must dash, have a plane to catch!

Regards

Oily

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