Posts Tagged ‘Science’

Here’s to a brainy New Year!


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We welcome Agnes DuPont to tell us more about her previous lives!!!!!! Her first instalment can be read here

To connect with previous lives, Agnes eats cheese.


Hello People,

A few years ago I spent a most enjoyable fortnight as Albert Einstein. It was great being brainy for a while.

During my time as Albert Einstein I discovered that light has slowed down a bit. This is good news for all those who rely on torches to see in the dark as the batteries will last longer.

The formula E=MC2? It doesn’t mean anything. Albert just thought the letters sounded nice when arranged like that. Apparently it could have been P=KF2 – too clunky in his opinion.

I also invented the dashes to add to the dots in Morse Code which up to that point hadn’t worked very well. As you can see, —…— tells a whole different story!

Yep, It Was Fun Being Albert Einstein.

You may think I am a fantasist who eats cheese late at night……….I would beg to differ. I was there.



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Aunty Bill - A Tin Opener Short

When Emotions Boil Over

Dear Aunty Bill,

My girl Polly means the world to me. She has a lovely personality, speaks several languages and is, in the vernacular, a bit of a looker. I want to ask her to marry me and bare my offspring.

She suffers from the very rare Pollyputthekettleon Syndrome which means she cannot leave the house without a full kettle perched on her perm and she can never be more than 5 metres from a plug socket to ensure the water is always boiled.

Do you think if I bought her a flexi-lead to increase her roaming distance she would walk down the aisle with me?

Carlton, Stovely

Aunty Bill Replies;

Hey Carlton!

You lucky man, sounds like the girl of my dreams as well. I love a cuppa and with her there’s never one far away!

Rather than go to expense of trailing sockets and extension leads, how about an asbestos hat as featured in this month’s edition of “Practical Millenary”?

One of these titfers, a small can of lighter fluid and you are away. Simply spray the fluid on to the hat, ignite and place the kettle in the cradle provided. Within minutes you’ll have a nice steaming brew!

But ask her to let you know if her head is getting too hot.

These hats are designed to withstand temperatures of 200 degrees for up to five minutes (so it says in the brochure), ample time to boil a kettle, although if you detect any scalp disfigurement extinguish immediately.

How about some matching gloves to go with the hat? That way your steaming brew will remain hotter for longer (so it says in the brochure).

Remember not to ignite the gloves.

Sup up!

Aunty Bill

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