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Posts Tagged ‘Science’

Scientists from the Bubble telescope have discovered a massive Black Pudding Hole in the Andromeda Galaxy. Here is the first amazing image.

universe1_edited-1 copy

That’ll Make One Hell Of a Fry Up!

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Yes!

I Guess This Is Where He Got The Idea For The Big Banger Theory.

hawking copy

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Dear Aunty Bill,

I want to go to space. The Goldfish bowl fits my head perfectly. I have strapped some gas canisters and tin foil to my bike and the launch from Cape Kilburn will take place when I buy a battery for my clock. I am saving up at the moment.

I have made sandwiches and bought some Cornish pasties too. So I have food when I am in orbit. Oh and a bucket for my functions.

Have I forgotten anything?

Idiot Ted, Kilburn

Ground control to Major Ted

I can find no hole in your plan except for the lack of suitable protection from the viscous ultra violet light and gamma rays that will rain down on you like a fire storm from hell.

Your head should be OK as long as you don’t remove the goldfish bowl in flight.  For added protection smear the bowl with emollient cream as this acts as a repellent for any UV rays

Try not cover the bit where your eyes are. Otherwise you won’t see anything.

You seem to have no other protection other than the Kevlar mankini you will be wearing during your ascent. This is totally insufficient as once the speed  of your bicycle increases above 35mph you’ll be exposed to G forces equivalent to that experienced by an ant being fired from a pea shooter.

Moss Bros have a range of three piece suits ideal for space travel although these are for hire only and have to be returned in the condition they were hired, difficult for the long distance traveller such as yourself.

Why a three piece suit? In addition to the additional protection offered by the waist coat, you must remember you are an ambassador for Planet Earth and should you meet any aliens it’s important to create a good impression.

I would take along a few extra sandwiches with various fillings to offer in the event you make contact. Shiphams meat or crab paste should go down well.

Should you have a close encounter along the way, hide the bucket or at least tip the contents somewhere where they’ll just “float on” as the song says.

Good luck Ted we’re all rootin’ for you!

Aunty Bill

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new oily

Hello Oily

Are Atoms hairy?

Gwyneth, Primrose Hill

Oily Replies

They are indeed. In the 60’s I was in a psychedelic folk rock jazz mambo fusion band called Atom and the Aunts. I was Atom and I had a lot of hair. That is all the proof you need. My backing band were ‘The Aunts’. Thankfully they did not look like your typical Aunt Agnes; no hairy upper lip, no frumpy clothes no tendency to clean your face with their hanky.

No, these Aunts were 22, dressed in mini skirts, long legged, busty, oily. We did many gigs up and down the country from the top of Soho to, well, the bottom of Soho. Had a residency spot at my good friend and fellow S&M freak Raymond Revues Niteclub, ‘The Exploding Nuts’.

McQueen,  Newman, Hendrix, Sid James, Babs Windsor, Ronnie and Reggie, John Profumo-Scandal, all regular visitors and all very satisfied customers. Always best to clear the bar of all sharp objects before Ronnie called mind you. Such temper tantrums, it was always me me me with that one!

Oily

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Somebody asked to see the Saturday Night Fever Disco Chicken again – as always happy to oblige!

Somebody asked to see Ali with a chicken on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

He Was Forty Years Ahead Of His Time

He Was Forty Years Ahead Of His Time

Somebody has asked to see the Einstein with a Col Au Vent Image again – as always happy to oblige! That's Why Physicists Shop At Iceland Somebody has asked to see Nelson Mandela with a walnut whip on his head again – as always happy to oblige! Lovely Someboday has asked to see the David Niven With A Wagon Wheel On His Head Image again – as always happy to oblige!

A Sad End To A Great Career

A Sad End To A Great Career

Somebody has asked to see the Leonardo Da Vinci wearing a yorkshire pudding on his head image again – as always happy to oblige!

The Da Vinci - A Batter Design

The Da Vinci – A Batter Design

Somebody has asked to see the Steve McQueen Great Escape image again – as always happy to oblige !

MCQUEEN

Chinstrap!

Last week somebody asked to see Picasso smoking his fishfingers……What a strange world we live in.

By The End He Was On 20 A Day

During His Fish Period

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Somebody asked to see Ali with a chicken on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

He Was Forty Years Ahead Of His Time

He Was Forty Years Ahead Of His Time

Somebody has asked to see the Einstein with a Col Au Vent Image again – as always happy to oblige!

That's Why Physicists Shop At Iceland

Somebody has asked to see Nelson Mandela with a walnut whip on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

Lovely

Someboday has asked to see the David Niven With A Wagon Wheel On His Head Image again – as always happy to oblige!

A Sad End To A Great Career

A Sad End To A Great Career

Somebody has asked to see the Leonardo Da Vinci wearing a yorkshire pudding on his head image again – as always happy to oblige!

The Da Vinci - A Batter Design

The Da Vinci – A Batter Design

Somebody has asked to see the Steve McQueen Great Escape image again – as always happy to oblige !

MCQUEEN

Chinstrap!

Last week somebody asked to see Picasso smoking his fishfingers……What a strange world we live in.

By The End He Was On 20 A Day

During His Fish Period

Read Full Post »

Somebody has asked to see the Einstein with a Col Au Vent Image again – as always happy to oblige!

That's Why Physicists Shop At Iceland

Somebody has asked to see Nelson Mandela with a walnut whip on his head again – as always happy to oblige!

Lovely

Someboday has asked to see the David Niven With A Wagon Wheel On His Head Image again – as always happy to oblige!

A Sad End To A Great Career

A Sad End To A Great Career

Somebody has asked to see the Leonardo Da Vinci wearing a yorkshire pudding on his head image again – as always happy to oblige!

The Da Vinci - A Batter Design

The Da Vinci – A Batter Design

Somebody has asked to see the Steve McQueen Great Escape image again – as always happy to oblige !

MCQUEEN

Chinstrap!

Last week somebody asked to see Picasso smoking his fishfingers……What a strange world we live in.

By The End He Was On 20 A Day

During His Fish Period

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