Sarah Palin’s Lovelife!

 

Hello,

It’s been a while, but regular readers of Gfb will note our delight in making up the love life of Sarah Palin.

We previously reported that she was stepping out with Former Pope, Hitler Youth The First.

This was after Tanktop McBain, Gfb’s lead reporter learned that Palin’s on/off romance with hunky wonderman Simon Cowell  ended.

 

The doyen of the Pea Tarty (who has spoken out about her fear of Leprechauns from Ireland spreading Leprosy) was being consoled by friends after Simon was seen stepping out with his own ego in a classy Anchorage nightspot.

So we are grateful that Pope “The Falklands Are British Mate” Argy has stepped in and taken Sarah to Salsa Lessons in Jerusalem.

The pair are rumoured to be deeply in love.

“He’s a celibate. I love fish too. Especially with parsley sauce. It’s a match made in heaven! And his frocks are to die for!” Sarah has told a close pal.

The Pope is remaining tight lipped about the rumours.

“This is all cobblers,” the Vatican’s press office told us.

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Sarah Palin’s Lovelife – Is She Dating Justin “Trouserworm” Bieber?

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Sarah Palin’s Lovelife – Is She Dating Piers Morgan?

The regular reader of Gfb will know that we keep a close eye on the colourful love life of political Titan and toilet roll winder Sarah Palin. Well, it seems as though the ideological base camp for the Pea Tarty has a new man in her life.

Piers Morgan!

Yes, the chubby chancer from Blighty who has done his profile no harm in the US with his views on Gun Laws has been locked in a passionate triste with Mama Grizzly. They met at a If You Don’t Own A Bazooka You Are A Fag Commie event in Idaho organised by The National Arm Everyone To The Teeth And We Will All Be Safer And If You Believe That You Really Are A Deranged Loon Association.

Hank A-Lynchin’ spokesman for the NAETTTAWWABSAIYBTYRAADLA, told Gfb, “Eat lead Limey!” before rushing off to make duck noises with a wooden implement as is his constitutional right.

Sarah confided to a close pal, “Piers may want gun control but boy oh boy can he handle his weapon!”

Sarah’s children Colt, Glock, Smith n Weston and Kalashnikov, love it when Piers pops round and bares his arms, as they reveal tattoos of Lassie and Simon Cowell.

Gfb asked Professor Pat Isserie, Lecturer in Lechering, University of Manitoba, for his views on these developments. “Phwoarr!” he said.

We wish them well.

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A Glove Puppet’s View On The Presidential Election – Ginger Sooty Reports #7

Hello Folks!

If you missed Ginger Sooty’s last report on the US Election you can read it here!

Governor Romney finally came out of his room dressed as a coconut and proclaimed to the people in the key election State of Canada, “I am a coconut. You too can be a coconut if you vote for me on the 6th!” He was led away by a man who had a stethoscope in one hand and an enormous syringe in the other.

The President was in the key election state of London. He boasted today that Volcano output in the US had increased massively because of his polices. Olava Care in particular.

Sarah Palin’s Thought Of The Day – Sarah wants to encourage Grizzly Bears to reduce their carbon footprint by chopping their paws off.

Today’s Great Ginger Wig Of The Office Of The President Of The United States.

Bill Clinton – the sexual capacity of Kennedy, the intellectual rigour of Roosevelt and the amiability of Reagan. Boy he loved to have his horn blown. Made an arse of himself. A lot. Probably still does. His wife scare the bejesus out of us.

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A Glove Puppet’s View Of The Presidential Election – Ginger Sooty Reports #6

Hello Folks!

If you missed Ginger Sooty’s last report on the US Election you can read it here!

Governor Romney refused to come out of his  room today. He told me through his hotel door that he is convinced that Ninja Goldfish Attack Death Squads have been sent to asassinaytetetey him.

The President was in the key election state of  Brazil and announced a major new initiative to turn around the USA’s fortunes through the reintroduction of 80’s Girl Groups. Obananarama Care.

Sarah Palin’s Thought of The Day – She’s had one! Ban cows mooing.

Today’s Great Ginger Wig Of The Office Of The President Of The United States.

Ronald Reagan – Amiable buffoon, lampooned in Europe as a brainless oaf but venerated in the USA for being a brainless oaf. Had a very strong aversion to eels. Could read what he was told to read like no other, but never learnt to tie up his own shoe laces. Ended the Cold War. Britain only managed a Cod War. but what is a consonant between friends!

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A Glove Puppet’s View Of The US Presidential Election – Ginger Sooty Reports! #5

Hello Folks!

If you missed Ginger Sooty’s last report on the US Election you can read it here!

Hello Everyone

Governor Romney offered me a lift in his car today. “You can be strapped onto the roof and keep ma dawg cumpaknee!” he offered. He is a nice man. 47% of him is made of leather.

The President was in the key election state of Florida and announced a major new initiative to turn around the USA’s fortunes through Choral productions of Grease in every town with a population over 5,000 souls. Oramalamadingdong Care.

Sarah Palin’s Thought of The Day – Nearly had one!

Today’s Great Ginger Wig Of The Office Of The President Of The United States.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy – Told West Germany “I am a sausage” and they still loved him! Hopped a lot as a child.  Camelot, Jacqui, Hope and then slain in Dallas by about 254 assassins all standing on a Grassy Knoll. Had a bad back. Lots of Irish households still possess ashtrays with his face on. Invented the Etch A Sketch.  Had an incredibly square head.

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A Glove Puppets View Of The US Presidential Election – Ginger Sooty Reports! #4

Hello Folks!

If you missed Ginger Sooty’s last report on the US Election you can read it here!

Mitt had an unfortunate encounter with a man in Michigan. “So you’re a human being huh? Lot smaller than I thought!”

The President announced a major new initiative to turn around the USA’s fortunes through a mass production of night attire. Opyjama Care.

Sarah Palin’s Law of The Day – Sarah was undecided about thinking today although broccoli entered her mind for a short period.

Today’s Great Ginger Wig Of The Office Of The President Of The United States.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt – Sickly fella. Built the Hoover Dam and choreographed Fred Astaire’s greatest routines. Resurrected Noel Edmond’s TV career through  New Deal or No New Deal. Invented the electric toothbrush.

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A Glove Puppet’s View Of The US Presidential Election – Ginger Sooty Reports! #3

Hello!

If you missed Ginger Sooty’s last report on the US Election you can read it here!

Governor Romney recently toured the key election state of Colorado. He announced a new plan to boost jobs and growth in America by offering generous tax breaks for deep-sea nose hair exploration.

“Nose hair has a great future. I keep mine in a jar. Gonna frack ’em. Wanna see?” He told bemused onlookers.

The President also toured the key election state of Colorado. He announced a major new initiative to turn around the USA’s fortunes through a mass conversion to Buddhism. Okarma Care.

Sarah Palin’s Thought Of The Day – We thought she was thinking, but it turned out to be a spot of trapped wind.

Today’s Great Ginger Wig Of The Office Of The President Of The United States.

#3 Theodore Roosevelt – Big Lad. The Teddy Bear was named after him. Used to beat dissenters with the limbs of Filipinos. Wasn’t in the best of health when he died. Ears made of wheat.

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A Glove Puppet Follows The US Presidential Election – Ginger Sooty Reports! #2

If you missed Ginger Sooty’s first report on the US Election you can read it here!

The election for the next President of the US is only a few days away and Gfb has sent ace reporter Ginger Sooty to cover it.

Hello Everyone

Governor Romney has toured the key election state of Florida, where he had a meaningful conversation with an orange and squeezed a satsuma in a provocative manner. His hair was very shiny, dare I say….. lustrous?

The President also toured the key election state of Florida. He announced a major new initiative which will use Andean pack animals as a sustainable transportation system. Ollama Care.

Sarah Palin’s Thought Of The Day – Sorry, nothing doin’ today! 

Today’s Great Ginger Wig Of The Office Of The President Of The United States.

#2 Abraham Lincoln – Big Lad. Wore a big hat. If you want to get ahead wear a hat. Famed for his Gettysburg Address. Don’t know why,as it was just 1265 Maple Avenue, Gettysburg, PA.

Slain by an assassin.

Some people have asked Why Sooty?

Here he is debating US Foreign Policy recently;

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A Glove Puppet’s View Of The US Presidential Election – Ginger Sooty Reports! #1

The United States of America is a big place. It stretches from here all the way to over there and then down a bit. It’s a bit windy at the moment.

The election for the next President of the US is only a few days away.

This is how it works.

MONEY.

LOTS OF IT!

Then;

The winning candidate must secure a majority of Electoral College votes. The Electoral College also has evening classes in basic car maintenance, conversational Spanish and food hygiene.

Gfb has sent our ace reporter Sooty, now fully fluffed and stitched after his mammoth Olympic Reportage, to bring you the inside story on how the election race is progressing.

Hello Everyone

Last week I was following Governor Romney as he toured the key election state of Ohio. He said to one person “Women are great aren’t they! My wife is a woman and she should know!” Whilst to another he said “Cheese is at the top of my agenda. Yes sirree, right up there alongside hair tonic.”

Earlier in the week I followed The President as he toured the key election state of Ohio. He announced a major new initiative to turn around the USA’s fortunes through intensive punctuation. Ocomma Care.

Sarah Palin’s Thought of The Day

We are happy to announce that Pea Tarty doyen Sarah “Im” Palin is, for a small stipend, letting us in on her thought processes.

Today Sarah wants to ban the chewing of meat on Thursdays.

You are no doubt aware of the Great Seal of The Office Of The President Of The United States. Well for the first time, we are allowed to bring you pictures of the Great Ginger Wig Of The Office Of The President Of The United States.

George Washington – wore a wig and had big buckles on his shoes. 38% gravel. Had a great fear of wood. In all its evil forms.

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