Filthy Sea Shanty Time!

 

We love the life of a Jolly Jack Tar.  Nothing better than a day unfurling a spanker or two and gazing up into the mizzen mast and worrying about the Doldrums.

Whilst up aft for’d we pass the time by singing a shanty.

Here are a few we croon;

• Me Auld Girl’s Blowhole
• Johnny’s Tinkler Is Inflamed
• After 3 Years At Sea Duncan Is Now Dorothy
• I’ve Been Bent Over A Barrel or 2
• Tug Me Rope
• When I Rub Me Barnacles I’m Thinking Of Me Jessie
• Blow Me Back To Blighty On A Good Stiff ‘Un
• Lord Nelson Swung Both Ways

Anyway the west wind blows fare – so adieu me hearties – sing along to this classic!

 

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More Filthy Sea Shantys! – With Hermione Moist

Hello,

Grandpa Fightback swore that a good Shanty a day kept the hemorrhoids at bay. He lived to 105 and was never afflicted by the Chalfont Saint Giles.

GFB’s Folk and ancient lore expert Hermione Moist, rummaged in her backyard and found an old album by Toke Townley and The Tuggers, “Hand Shantys By The Shore With Sweet Deliza”.  The titles alone heave us windward into the salty spray as the Whaler hoves out of Nantucket;

There’s a Narwhal up me grapper.
I’ve been bent over a Barrel or two.
Have you dandled on Nelson’s Column?
They lowered her on me and Mary Rose.
There’s a cabin boy in me quarters.
Captain Sparrow’s marrow.
There’s never a gay pirate when you need a boost.

Here is a classic Shanty – Featured in Jaws so it has to be good!

 

 

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Sea Shanty’s To Sing!

 

We love the life of a Jolly Jack Tar.  Nothing better than a day in the rigging, unfurling a spanker or two and gazing up into the mizzen mast and worrying about the Doldrums. Whilst up aft for’d we pass the time by singing a few sea shantys. Here are a few we croon;

• There’s A Maiden With Scurvy Waitin’ For Me In Nantucket
• Break Out The Grog For Johnny’s Tinkle
• I’m Not Chesty Nancy Just Got A Touch O’Consumption
• That’s Not A Whale In Me Pocket Mary, I’m Just Pleased To See Ye
• Tickle Me Tackle Nancy
• Tug Me Rope
• When I Rub Me Barnacles I’m Thinking Of Me Molly
• Blow Me Back To Blighty Gerty On A Good Stiff ‘Un
• Sweet Judie’s Given Me Crabs

Anyway the west wind blows fare – so adieu me hearties – sing along to this classic!

 

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 16

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  We’re done!

Wigs off to Mo Farah for winning the 5,000 metres and also to the Jamaican 4×100 metres team for breaking the world record on their way to gold.

David Boudia of the US won the 10 metre diving (with titchy trunks on).

Tamara Echegoyen Dominguez, Sofia Toro Prieto Puga and Angela Pumariega Menendez of Spain  won gold in the women’s Elliott 6m Sailing

Another great sailor was Kirk Douglas. The photo shows what happened to his boat. Ahoy there!

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

I would like to see the theme of the Summer Fete being incorporated into the closing ceremony and not all of that esoteric power blather. All played out over a dodgy PA system.

So first up would be The Donkey Derby;

Then; Glamorous Granny

Followed by;  Knobbly Knees!

Then; The Triathlon!

Finally of course – The Raffle!

First Prize – A Christmas Hamper

Second Prize – A Set of Cotton Sheets

Third Prize – A Bottle of Pomagne

Fourth Prize – A Kettle (With Lead)

Fifth Prize – A Pair Of Slippers

Sixth Prize – A Lamp (Without Shade)

Hopefully the rain will hold off for it.

I Hope You Enjoyed  The Games!

Nighty Night

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 11

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  What A Day!

Nadzeya Ostapchuk won gold in the Women’s shot putt. Her hairstyle reminded me of Gordon Strachan circa 1988.

Australian Tom Slingsby won a gold in the Laser class sailing.  They will soon catch up with New Zealand! (Not that we are gloating after decades of drubbings from them – oh yes we are!)

These two seem to be enjoying themselves in the Greco-Roman wrestling!

 

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Cistercian Dispersion – Dates back to 645 AD, when monks on Holy Island, busy being ascetic and wondering what to do about the sweat rash from their woollen robes are captured by Vikings.

One Norseman has the bright idea of seeing how far he can fling their separated heads. The best monk chucker was then entered into the Dark Ages favourite quiz show Supermarket Pillage.

The sport has received something of a revival in the last ten years. Although they don’t throw monks heads anymore!  Instead a medicine ball with a wig glued onto it. But don’t worry the wig has a bald spot for a bit of authenticity.

Norway’s Jan-Dahl Tossderhead is favourite for gold although expect a challenge from the mighty Algerian Youssouf Al-Syrup.

2. Sausage Pocket

Marjorie Masticationio from Sicily can catch in the pocket of her slacks a flung sausage from a distance of 47 Metres!

A sport for all the family this one and with a tasty meaty snack never far away!

Marjorie hopes to land gold.  She has already medalled in the Synchronised Bacon Waving with her partner Gina Pollo.

Team GB’s Penny Whistle will be her main rival although her use of a chipolata is sure to be a bone of contention.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Heartache With Aunty Bill

Aunty Bill,

I was recently ran over by a steam roller.  I am now eighteen feet tall, twelve feet wide yet only one inch deep.

My girlfriend Jackie has left me on account of my billowing.  I can only find work as a  sail.

Whilst being a sail has its plus points (most notably if I have any wet clothes on they dry very quickly) I doubt if I will find love again. Can you help?

Pedro Garcia, Gateshead

Aunty Bill Replies;

Pedro!

Sorry to hear of your mishap. I see several career opportunities have come your way although you probably don’t see them (from that height I’m not surprised).

I’ll list them for you :

The guy who slides down drains to retreive stuff that people have dropped down them accidently (I don’t actually know anybody who does this but it is an option).

At eighteen foot tall you’d be a shoe-in for any basketball team.  They’d pay whatever it took to get you on their books. Netball is worth a butcher’s too!

Changing street light bulbs for the Council. They’d save on expensive machinery and you get to wear Hi-Vis!

A portable garage door. At twelve feet wide you’d get to guard the cars at some pretty impressive houses, twelve feet being double the size of the usual door.

And you could rest your legs while sitting on the roof of the garage!

A sail on a pedillo. Just imagine – “Pedros Pedillos!”

Sail on!

Aunty Bill

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