When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

Hello

I was visiting my Nan yesterday to check on her taps. Apparently they were dripping.

She’s great my Nan. 128 but still smokes 40 a day, drinks her share and swears like a Tory Minister.

Through the fug of cigarette smoke I found her sitting in her chair, the special one that tips up and vibrates, watching a spot of daytime telly. I think it was “Bodies For Cash In The Attic” or something. Shirley’s 5 bean chilli worked its magic and before I could display my DIY acumen, I needed the facilities.

I took The Sun up with me and had a go at the Crossword whilst I was in there. The coffee break one. 6 hours later I still had only got three answers (and one of them was Egg).

Nan wasn’t too happy when I couldn’t fix her taps.

“Useless twat,” she called me.

Bit harsh I thought.

Laters fella.

Bob

Read Full Post »

When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

Hello Folks,

Bob Lewington here again.

I was round my son’s Bob, or Young Bob as he is known in the family. Sometimes I am known as Old Bob, Dad Bob, Papa Bob or my own favourite, Head of the Household and Main Provider Bob.

Nature decided to take its course.  Young Bob’s girlfriend Lily had a copy of Hello! magazine to hand so I had a quick shufty whilst performing my evacuation.

Olympic Hero Bradley Wiggins was shown retieing the laces of his shoes which had come undone in the street! He’s a double knot man by the look of it.

There was also photo of Kate Winslet buying some plums (they looked a bit bruised to me) David Beckham examining his tattoos and Lady Gaga eating a cheese and pickle sandwich.

Absolutely fascinating.

I’m going to get Young Bob to take a grainy photo of me examining an over ripe strawberry and send it to Hello!  It looks like they print any old rubbish.

Might make Young Bob and me a few bob so to speak.

Best wishes,

Bob

Read Full Post »

When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

Hello Folks,

Bob Lewington here again.

When I’m on the pot, I like to read a lot. It’s a man thing!

I popped round to my mum’s this morning to put some new shelves up for her. I’ve got a drill. Don’t use a spirit level though. Don’t trust bubbles. Sinister things

Sunday’s cabbage worked its magic and I needed the facilities. I read about Neil Armstrong in The Sun.

I remember that July day in ’69. Dad had got me up at 4 in the morning to watch him walk on the moon. Armstrong that is. Not Dad. He was in his pants and vest on the settee next to me watching the telly.

Dead impressed I was. I stuck the goldfish bowl over me head pretending to be Armstrong. There were half a dozen lads in Gravesend A and E  all wearing goldfish bowls.  A lot of goldfish must have come to a sticky end that day.

When the bowl was off, I got a slap round the head from the Nurses, Doctors and Dad. And a passing Policeman for good measure. Kids have it easy these days. A good beating did me the world of good.

Here’s to Neil Armstrong I thought as I reached for the toilet roll. He had reached for the Stars.

C’est la vie.

All the best,

Bob.

Read Full Post »

When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

Hello Folks,

Bob Lewington here again.

When I’m on the pot, I like to read a lot. It’s a man thing!

I popped round to my sister Shirley’s yesterday to help her husband Del move their new leather cornerpeice (with detachable armrests). He suffers with his back does Del.

I needed the facilities while I was there and had a flick through Shirley’s Cosmopolitan whilst doing my business. I completed the questionnaire “Who Would Be Your Best Partner?” and it turned out to be Brad Pitt!

I’d have thought Jonny Depp but there you go.

I’m not gay though! Oh No! Married with kids me. Got a Tattoo too. Of my Grandma. It’s not a very good one. Did it myself in front of the mirror when I was thirteen. Septicemia was a price worth paying.

Gran looks a bit like a gibbon. But it’s the thought the counts.

All the best,

Bob.

Read Full Post »

“Maddie and The Monsters!” Children’s Story.

Hello Folks,

Gfb friend and model Essex man, Lee Healey has recently finished his first story, “Maddie and The Monsters”.

We had a teency weency role in helping Lee put the story together. Having read it today, we can honestly say it is brilliant and kids between 2-6 years of age will love it!

It is available as an App on iTunes from today and for each copy sold a donation will be made to Book Aid International.

Here is the link!

http://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/maddie-and-the-monsters/id510597853?mt=8

Treat Yourselves!

Read Full Post »