The Brazilian – Where Do You Stand?- Oily George Gives His Views

Hello Oily

Pubic hair topiary is all the rage this year in North Devon. What is your view on “The Brazilian”? Sambatastic or are you a bush guy.

Aged Elsie, Bideford

Oily Replies;

Elsie,

I spent a summer on Copacabana a few years ago and filmed the real Brazil in my documentary ‘City of Thongs’. (Did you know that Queen Victoria wore an early prototype, a kind of hair shirt for the arse – which historians claim explains her permanent miserable gurn).

Armed with such fascinating historical facts I wandered the beach interviewing, oiled up thong clad  ass shaking women. The results were…..well, exhausting.

The question I ask society at large in this wonderful piece of “Deep Throat” journalism is a simple one: is the thong all it’s cracked up to be?

Oh and by the way Elsie, I found your false teeth. Not sure how they got clamped there without me noticing overnight. Let’s stay off the rum in future!

Oily

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Volumising My Pubic Hair Has Me Worried Oily George

Still Giving Lurve

Pump Up The Volume

Last night I applied hair volumiser to my pubic region. I woke up this morning with a crotch so bouffant that I can’t put my pants on.

I have a big date with Natalie from accounts tonight, was hoping to take things to the next level – but what is she going to think when I drop me strides and mr pubic Afro pops into view?

Worried Les

Oily Replies;

When pondering these problems I like to slither into my bath, lay myself in Extra Industrial Castrol and let nature take it’s course. I do all my best , ahem, pondering in the bath.

I then retire to the drawing room donning my ‘Noel Coward Rocks My World’ silk dressing gown and matching slippers, sip a brandy and ponder further the problems that beset my poor readers.

Shave the offending pubes into the shape of something meaningful to Natalie, something that will make her realise she is with a man who has empathy and isn’t afraid to show his feminine side.

The following are some suggestions of the images that most speak to the sweet little things;

A flower

A fluffy kitten playing with a ball of string

A 6 month old baby gurgling in a pram in a summer’s meadow with the sun blazing down.

An ironing board.

Cutting your mangy pubes into any of the above is a romantic gesture and would win over the hardest of hearts and ensure you get your oats.

If it doesn’t then she’s obviously a lesbian. If that’s the case get your camcorder and follow her home…..I pay big money for such footage.

Oily

 

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The Ginger David (Again)

The Original David, as intended by Michelangeloangeloangelo.

As our Arts correspondent Brian Restraining-Order commented, “Ginger pubes? Yuk! I need a dwinky after that. Bar Keep!”

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Hotels – By Hermione Moist

Bonnie Charlie’s noo awa

Safely o’er the friendly main;

He’rts will a’most break in twa

Should he no’ come back again.

Chorus

Will ye no’ come back again?

Will ye no’ come back again?

Better lo’ed ye canna be

Will ye no’ come back again?

No I bloody won’t, if I want plug holes full of pubic hair

I’ll holiday in France, ok it won’t be ginger but where I come from that’s not a big selling 

point.

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The Ginger David – Pubic Perfection?

Having being lucky enough to visit Florence to view it au naturelle as it were, I can honestly say it is as close to artistic perfection as I have ever seen.

The Original David, as intended by Michelangeloangeloangelo.

As our Arts correspondent Brian Sewer said upon seeing the orignal, “Ginger pubes? Yuk! I need a dwinky after that. Bar Keep!”

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