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Posts Tagged ‘Pottery’

 
It has been a year now that our arts guru Terry Cotter The Potter has been giving us his unique insight into the world they call “Art”. To celebrate this (and the fact that it is time for a break) we will publish some of his reviews for your delectation and delight. Remember this one?

Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I’ve made some plates for my local pub The Misgoynist and Duck as they have expanded their food sales. I call them surf n turf n earthenware.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Guernica –  Picasso’s most famous. I gurn a lot too. Especially if I eat pickled food.

2. Movies

Gone With The Wind –  Set in AmericaHe doesn’t give a damn in the end. Nice staircase though. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

The Sex Pistols – Never Mind The Bollocks – I love a bit of folk rock, this is what Emerson Lake and Palmer would have sounded like if they hadn’t split up.  Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

Yann Martell – Life of Pi – Pies don’t last long in my house! There’s a tiger in it. The book not the pie. Goes on a bit though.

Village News

The Local Cult’s Proposed Mass Suicide

Elsie has a sprained ankle and this event has been postponed. Keep an eye out in the Post Office window for a new date.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I have been commissioned by the local Lord of the Manor, Sir Giles Plaque-Buildup to make a six-foot ceramic figurine of his favourite shoe horn. Alistair.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Kiss – Klimt’s painting of two lovers kissing. I’m not a very good kisser – a phantom lower lip and congenital halitosis work against me.

2. Movies

The Towering Inferno –  Big building catches fire. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Miles Davis – Kind of Blue – Introduced Skeletal Harmonic Frameworks into Jazz. I don’t know either. Goes on a bit. Daddy-oh.

4. Contemporary Dance

National Dance Company of Wales – Virtual Descent – He’s naked, she’s naked – they stand in a bucket and wave trowels at each other – Goes on a bit.

5. Literature

David Copperfield – Charles Dickens classic novel about that magician bloke. Makes an elephant disappear at one point, but never explains the bouffant hair. Goes on a bit.

Village News

The  Film Society will be showing Bridge Over The River Kwai in the Church Hall on Saturday. Tickets are £1 each. It is hoped that Alec Guinness will introduce the film from beyond the grave.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I’ve made some lovely ceramic mince pies for Christmas. Bit tough on the teeth my Nan reckons. Teach her to shoplift.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

Girl With A Pearl Earring– Lovely one by Vermeer. Shame she didn’t have the pair though. Tough times back then.

2. Movies

Smokey And The Bandit – Goodness, Burt Reynolds was hairy. Throw a stick and he would fetch it I reckon. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

U2 – The Joshua Tree – Bonio (or is it Borneo?) wears a silly hat. Streets Have No Name? – Buy an A to Z is my advice. Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

The 1984 Guinness Book Of Records – Got this for Christmas last year. From my wife. I don’t think she likes me very much. We are estranged apparently. If I knew what it meant I would be upset. Goes on a bit.

Village News

The Christmas Carol Service

This will now take place in the local Spar’s Canned Vegetable/World Flavours aisle due to poor ticket sales.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I’ve made some plates for my local pub The Misgoynist and Duck as they have expanded their food sales. I call them surf n turf n earthenware.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Guernica –  Picasso’s most famous. I gurn a lot too. Especially if I eat pickled food.

2. Movies

Gone With The Wind –  Set in AmericaHe doesn’t give a damn in the end. Nice staircase though. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

The Sex Pistols – Never Mind The Bollocks – I love a bit of folk rock, this is what Emerson Lake and Palmer would have sounded like if they hadn’t split up.  Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

Yann Martell – Life of Pi – Pies don’t last long in my house! There’s a tiger in it. The book not the pie. Goes on a bit though.

Village News

The Local Cult’s Proposed Mass Suicide

Elsie has a sprained ankle and this event has been postponed. Keep an eye out in the Post Office window for a new date.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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I had really enjoyed my first pottery class. Clive the course tutor had been very patient and even though my first “throw” was a little wonky in places and the handle had fallen off, I was quietly proud of my efforts.

Unfortunately I spent too long listening to Clive’s views on ceramic glazing and despite running all the way to the station missed the train for home. It would be at least an hour’s wait for the next one.

After five minutes or so I needed a pee and made my way along the Platform to the toilets. The Gents toilet had a heavy wooden door painted cream with the word “Gentlemen” painted in racing green on it.

I seized the large brass doorknob and pushed. It was an effort to open. As the door succumbed to my efforts I noticed that the toilets still retained splendid and ornate Edwardian finishings. White ceramic tiles with blue grouting, heavy brass piping to and from cisterns and intricately patterned wrought iron splash pads for the more athletic bladder. The conveniences were a gem of their kind. A real find.

I was admiring the ornate flourish of the manufacturer’s logo on the porcelain urinal when there was a rustling noise behind me. I ignored it and carried on with my tinkle. The rustling continued and was now accompanied by the sound of aged hinges creaking. I finished my business just as the shrill cry reverberated around the cool tile finish of the lavatory;

“Aiieeeee! Banzai! Banzai!”

I turned quickly, fumbling to rehouse my winkle. Again the shrill scream advanced towards me,

“Banzai, Todo, Todo. Aiieeeee!”

In front of me stood a member of the Imperial Japanese Army. He was in his late eighties and was dressed in ragged, patched battle fatigues but with a pair of Velcro fastened Reebok training shoes on his feet. He bore the insignia of a non-commissioned officer.

The soldier gurned with menace at me, baring four rotten teeth in the process. His dental hygiene regime was not of the highest order.

More worrying than halitosis was the aged rifle he pointed at me. A large steel bayonet wobbled precariously atop the barrel. Again he screamed and lunged forward. As he did so the bayonet drooped from its fastening and clattered on the floor.

My assailant muttered, probably an expletive in Japanese, bent down picked up the bayonet and began to berate it in a world weary manner. He lost interest in me and retreated to the toilet cubicle, closing its squeaking door behind him. He fumbled with his rifle. Again the bayonet clattered to the floor. Again he swore. A small wizened hand scurried around the cubicle floor until it seized the bayonet.

Even in all this excitement I remembered to complete my ablutions and gave my hands a thorough soaping and rinsing. A Dyson hand dryer had recently been fixed to the wall. Although out of keeping with the ambience of the rest of the toilet my hands were dried in an instant.

Had the fitter been confronted I wondered?

The sign on the ticket office window said “Back in 5 Mins”. Fully seven minutes elapsed before a man appeared. A bucked tooth harridan who could eat an apple through a letterbox.

“Yes sir, how can I help?”

“Did you know there is a Japanese Soldier in your toilet?”

“Met him then? Old Hidetoshi. Lovely old feller ain’t he?” The man replied in a broad West Country accent, “Been here since 1942 or summat like that. Still a few of them dug in on the Somerset border apparently.”

“Haven’t you told him the war’s over?”

“Countless times. The fact of the matter is – he’s can’t face going home defeated. Reckons he will bring shame on his family. So he lives here. In the toilet cubicle.”

There was a cruel matter of factness about the man’s attitude. “Besides,” he continued, “Hidetoshi is a dab hand at the old Bonsai malarkey. He’s helped us win the Station in Bloom competition for the past twenty years now. Wiped the smile off Reg Belcher’s face down at Cam and Dursley I can tell you. Go and take a look. Down at the bottom of Platform 1.”

I sauntered to the end of Platform 1. The man was correct. The small garden with bonsai trees, maple timber decking and a very attractive miniature water feature really was a sight to behold. The pebbles surrounding the trees has been individually shaped to provide a pattern of doves in flight. Tranquillity personified.

I walked back to the ticket office. As I walked past the toilet door I noticed it was slightly ajar. An aged rifle and bayonet protruded. Again the bayonet fell to the floor. Again I heard Japanese expletives.

The “Back in 5 Mins” sign had been put up in the ticket office window once more. I sat in the small waiting room and turned my attention to the mysteries of ceramic glazing.

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I’ve been making little pottery versions of famous boy bands. Bands such as, Those Lads Who Can’t Sing But Wear Their Jeans Below Their Arses, That One With That Lad With A Limp In and The One With Those Lads With Ridiculous Facial Hair.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Nightwatch –  One of Rembrandt’s best. Difficult to watch things at night. It is dark. I like this painting though. At night look at it with the light on though. Otherwise you won’t see much.

2. Movies

Live and Let Die – Roger Moore’s eyebrow is very good. Any film that has Voodoo and men wearing shirts sporting epaulettes is alright by me. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here – “We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year” – doesn’t matter – fish have very bad memories so they won’t be  lost for long. Fish are thick.  Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

James Ellroy – American Tabloid – Drug smuggling transvestite J. Edgar Hoover shoots JFK and blames a black bloke.  Goes on a bit though.

5. Bridge Night

Tomorrow’s Bridge Night has been cancelled as the Bridge has not been delivered yet due to the floods. Keep an eye on the noticeboard outside the Butcher’s for further news.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

Since my last Column I’ve made some fish. Tench mostly. but there is the odd Perch in there too. They will go in my pond. In my garden. Out the back of my house.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Last Supper –  Da Vinci’s masterpiece. The last supper I had was a cheese sandwich and a slice of pork pie. Very tasty it was although it repeated on me for a while.

2. Movies

Seven Years in Tibet – Brad Pitt up a mountain. Then in a monastery. He has a German accent. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Motorhead – The Ace of Spades – You can’t beat a good shovel. Lemming has a great voice. Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

Homer’s Odyssey – Tale about a Greek bloke who goes to war and then comes back after a few years. Set in Greece. Goes on a bit though.

5. Zumba Club

Tomorrow’s Zumba Club will now take place in the Frozen Foods aisle in Spar and not as previously advertised in the World Foods aisle. Someone dropped a bottle of Salsa and Sally won’t get round to clearing it up until tomorrow.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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