Posts Tagged ‘Plastic Surgery’

Oils well the ends well

Dear Oily,

I have had 48 facelifts in the last 4 years. However, the last time I flew long distance the skin on my face melted into my Martini. I was rather shaken by it whilst my husband was a little stirred.

How do I stop this happening the next time?

Martha, Vineyard

Oily Replies


Did you fly Aer Fungus by chance? This happened to me recently.

It is an allergic reaction to the eye wateringly malodorous scents their Trolley Dollies wear. Luckily for me my actual skin didn’t melt off,  just the layers of oil that I produce, which fortunately acted as a protective buffer.

A sort of condom for the face, if you will.

At first the airline were extremely annoyed at the gloopy residue I left behind and were going to sue me.

That was before they realised that my natural unguents could fuel cars. And make a nifty salad dressing.

Now we are in partnership making money hand over fist. I fly first class with them for free (but don’t touch their salads). Everyone is happy!

Well except you sadly. But as the Loaf himself once warbled “Two Outta Three Ain’t Bad!”



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