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Posts Tagged ‘Paul McCartney’

Many of you will have read that Prince Charles had a pop at Russian President and leading gay rights advocate, Vladimir Putin “On The Ritz” calling Vlad a Nazi. (Best not to look too deeply at Charles’ Grandmother then!)

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Defender Of The Sausage

What was not revealed was the Chuck, currently annoying people in Nova Scotia, then went on to slam Beatles legend and champion of misjudged cosmetic surgery, Paul McCartney.

Gfb can reveal that Chas said about Macca, “Christ I’m sick of that scouse arsewipe. Ever since he married that one legged Geordie Harpie he’s been a right pain in one’s arse. Always turning up uninvited, Olympics, Jubilee, Weddings. If I hear “Hey Fuckin’ Jude”  emanating from his gob off key one more time I’ll get Mama to lock him in the fuckin’ Tower. He only gets the gig cos Camilla uses his plastic surgeon. Can’t you tell? They have the same nose and chin. Na Na Na Na me arse.”

But that was not all.

An hour later, drink in hand and a touch world weary, Charles was heard to say about the Dalai Lama, “Speccy Chink Wanker. Buddhist my arse. Looks like a nonce to me. Fuckin’ hate vegetarians I do. Never known any situation where having a sausage doesn’t make things better.”

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He then hopped over the garden fence to steal a pair of women’s knickers that were drying on a rotary dryer in the balmy Nova Scotian spring air.

 

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“One’s Always Been A Thong Man!”

 

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Breaking News……

Russian Band, Pussy Riot jailed yesterday for singing a silly song in Moscow’s main Orthodox Cathedral were released yesterday on the express orders of Russian President Vladimir Putin “On The Ritz”.

Backdown! – Putin On The Ritz

It came after warbling pop legend Sir Paul “Waxy” McCartney threatened to reprise his woeful performance from the London 2012 Olympic opening ceremony if the nand were not released.

A Kremlin insider said, “Kalinka! Nobody could stand to hear that rubbish again. President Putin On the Ritz is a brave man, he once kissed Joan Rivers, but not even he could withstand such an onslaught. Five Year Tractor Plan. Capitalist Dogs. Enemy Of The People.”

Pussy Riot – They Have Every Right To Be Rubbish

When told of their release Sir Paul said, “Like Great. Can I just move away from the fire I may melt a bit. I’m so happy for the band. Freedom of Speech is vital to our democratic line. Where’s me guitar?”

RUN!

RUN!

SAVE YOURSELVES!

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

HE’S GOING TO SING AGAIN!

Even Legends Should Know When To Quit

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Hello Folks,

We’ve retained the services of Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS, to provide a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012. Here is his update for Day 1 of events.

Hello everyone, Ginger Sooty here.

Still in shock over McCartney’s plasticine features!!

Well what a day yesterday – Phelps lost to Lochte (Puffing on a bong doing the Butterfly can’t have helped) whilst some DAMN FOREIGNERS didn’t understand that our BRAVE, NOBLE, PLUCKY LADS should have won the cycling gold the moment they tucked their trouser legs into their socks and set of for a pootle around Surrey.

Anyway there are a couple of sports I think you should look out for today.

1. In-Line Irony –  Although Australian, Miscellany At-Large is the red hot favourite for today’s contest, keep an eye out for Team GB!

The banks of empty corporate seats at yesterday’s events, chimes perfectly with the intention of making this  “The People’s Games” and how they will “Inspire Future Generations”.

Now that is ironic!

2. Beach Scratch n Sniff – The men’s heavyweight category may prove to be one of the highlights of the Games. The morbidly obese Italian, Giorgio  Streppto-cocci is defending his title. He is quoted as saying – “I have doubled my weight in six months, not washed my privates or changed my underwear in that time and have been doing a lot of gym work.”

When Giorgio delves into his Budgie Smugglers on Horseguard’s Parade at 3 pm this afternoon, the contents of his crutch may trigger fears of a chemical attack on London. Pack a gas mask. Just to be on the safe side.

Enjoy The Games! Sooty.

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