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Posts Tagged ‘Paintings’

Art experts were left agog this morning when it was discovered that Veremeer’s masterpiece had sprouted a ginger moustache to honour Movember.

“I’m amazed! Astounded! It’s Fan-tache-tic!” cried retired civil servant, Wim Van Anagram who was on his way to the bakers to buy some fish for his cat. Without success. As an insurance policy he went to the bank to buy some fish. Again without success.

Vermeer_The_Girl_With_The_Pearl_Earring_(1665) copy

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I’m currently compiling an album of pottery songs,” Now That’s What I Call Pottery Music”. So far I have Kiln Me Softly  With Your Love,  Love Like Blood by Kiln Joke, Wheel Meet Again by Dame Vera Lynn and a couple of Richard Clayderman tracks.

If you have any ideas for songs please let me know. They have to be connected to pottery though because the album is about pottery. Otherwise they wouldn’t fit.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

Water Lilies – Classic impressionismismism. Always sing, “Well it’s One for the Monet, Two For The Show…..” when I think of this painting. Elvis was a good painter, dab hand at varnishing apparently.

2. Movies

Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Wolf? – I was! Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Pet Sounds – The Beach Boys – “Woof, Miaow, Chirp, Oink,Squeak”- these are pet sounds too. I would include tortoises and goldfish but they are quiet on the whole. Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

Finnegan’s Wake – James Joyce – Ihaven’tgotafrigginclueliketherestofyouwhatjimmyisonabout diddlyfeckindee! Goes on a bitabitabitabitabitabit………………

Village News

There will be a party in the village hall on Wednesday to celebrate the first anniversary of our sleeping policeman. I won’t be going because it gives me the hump.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I’m currently firing a ceramic sieve and colander as wedding gifts for my nephew, Terrence who is getting married next week. She ‘s a lovely girl is his fiancée, Marian. Half French. Which is a shame.  I wish them all the best for the future and hope they like the gifts. They have been a strain to make. Just my little joke there!

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

Mona Lisa – Went out with a girl called Lisa once. She moaned a lot too.

2. Movies

Gone With The Wind – Haven’t we all at some point on our lives? Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Pink Floyd – Dark Side Of The Moon – Seminal rock album that has songs on it, where people sing and play instruments and stuff. A lot. Oh, and a woman gargles and it is meant to sound like an orgasm. But it doesn’t. Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

Oliver Twist – The Dickens classic – Young lad has a hard time. Then he doesn’t! Goes on a bit.

Village News

The new Chinese takeaway on the High Street, “Chairman Chow’s” opens on Wednesday.  10% of all orders before 6 pm.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

For Easter, I’ve made some Ceramic Rabbits. Sadly the firing process has given them the appearance of suffering from myxomatosis. They scare the bejesus out of kids. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Not sure now.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

Le Moulin de la Galette a Montmartre – One of Renoir’s best – lots of people in it and a chair is clearly visible too.

2. Movies

The Sound Of Music – Nun looks after kids and warbles a lot. Lacks a car chase and lesbian shower scene in my opinion. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Yes – Topographic Oceans – Duller than the National Dullards Association, Dullard Of The Year Award. Goes on more than a bit.

4. Literature

Wuthering Heights – The Bronte classic – She loves him. He loves her. She marries someone else. He leaves. He has a shave and comes back with a few bob in his pocket. Kate Bush warbles about him a lot. Goes on a bit.

Village News

The Easter Bonnet prize went to Mr Ellington’s BMW. Lovely bit of buffing. The car is parked on his drive for everyone to nip round and have a butchers. Please don’t touch as you will smudge the finish.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

For Valentine’s Day, I’ve made some Ceramic Clogs. One size fits all. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Not sure now.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Persistence Of Memory – Salvador Dali’s most famous piece. It Droops. Nope, not a clue. Sorry.

2. Movies

Love Story – Da de dah de dah – then she gets sick and croaks. Goes on a bit.

3. Musical

Les Miserables – Don’t know why they didn’t crack a few jokes or do animal impressions to cheer themselves up a bit.  Rabbit impressions always make me titter. That’s the French for you.  Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte’s classic. She loves him. He loves her. Watch out for the pyromaniac first wife! Goes on a bit.

Village News

Next Week’s lecture by Peter Stench on The History Of The Drain has been cancelled by Mrs Griggs. If you are not happy you can sewer.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

We have a Sale on at the moment. All plates are £5 each, mugs are £2.50 each and the hand finished ceramic bananas, which didn’t fly of the shelves are reduced to £547 each. Value For Money. Only another 6,567 to shift. So come on down.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

Autumn Rhythm – One of Jackson Pollock’s most famous. I don’t have a clue either.

2. Movies

Dances With Wolves – Don’t Dance With Wolves. They will eat you. Great car chase and the underwater fight scenes are wonderful. Who will ever forget Whitney Houston’s theme tune? Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Michael Buble- Christmas – I love Micheal Bubble – Ba Ba Boo Boo so to speak – I just haven’t met him yet – needs to wash his hair first though – it is greasy in my opinion. Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

The Times Atlas Of The World – Got this for Christmas! Maps spelt backwards is Spam. Now there’s a thought. Goes on a bit.

Village News

The Postman

Whoever stole his rubber band ball (10 years in the making) could they please return it. He was only four short of the world rubber band collection set by an itinerant Sioux postal worker stalker in the Oklahoma in the 1960’s.

Request Review – The Thought Fox by Ted Hughes

This was requested by the marvellous Hollyannegetspoetic (http://hollyannegetspoetic.wordpress.com/).

Ted Hughes was a poet (I once went out with a girl called Ted Hughes). He had a famous girlfriend (Anne Frank I think her name was) and he wrote a lot of poems. They didn’t rhyme so he can’t have been very good.

This one is about a Fox thinking about writing a poem. Clever Fox I say. Bit hard for a Fox to hold a pen though. And it doesn’t rhyme. So not such a clever Fox. Goes on a bit too.

My wife said it was an Allegory. Shame he lost to George Bush.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I’ve made some lovely ceramic mince pies for Christmas. Bit tough on the teeth my Nan reckons. Teach her to shoplift.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

Girl With A Pearl Earring– Lovely one by Vermeer. Shame she didn’t have the pair though. Tough times back then.

2. Movies

Smokey And The Bandit – Goodness, Burt Reynolds was hairy. Throw a stick and he would fetch it I reckon. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

U2 – The Joshua Tree – Bonio (or is it Borneo?) wears a silly hat. Streets Have No Name? – Buy an A to Z is my advice. Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

The 1984 Guinness Book Of Records – Got this for Christmas last year. From my wife. I don’t think she likes me very much. We are estranged apparently. If I knew what it meant I would be upset. Goes on a bit.

Village News

The Christmas Carol Service

This will now take place in the local Spar’s Canned Vegetable/World Flavours aisle due to poor ticket sales.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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