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Posts Tagged ‘Obama’

the puppet master

 British PM  David Cameron has played a dastardly final card in his bid to cling to power.

BANNING GINGERS FROM PUBLIC VIEW!

As he trails pointless oaf Ed Miliband in the polls, the posh boy “Who cares deeply” has decided to make Gingers a key plank of his 2015 election campaign.

In his speech today to the Idiocracy that is the Conservative Party, Cameron will say, “Look here Chaps, we’ve fucked over the poor, propped up the Bankers, divided old from young, gay from straight, black from white and STILL people don’t like us! Even giving pooftahs the right to marry hasn’t helped.  I can only reach one conclusion. Gingers are to blame!”

To gasps from his dribbling, incontinent audience he blurted, “Banning Gingers from public life and stopping them using the internet to spread their gingery thingymajigs is all that is left to me. Polish my brogues please Fotheringham. Where is my fag?”

morris1

Last year, Gfb’s correspondent Gail Force-Winds revealed Tory plans to impose Burkhas on Gingers were shelved due to the fact that it was stupid. However, with the lads firing up in Iraq again and a need to appear to have some semblance of control domestically and internationally, the Ginger Question has been brought back.

Cameron’s comments put him at odds with President Barack Obama who, in a speech in Grimsby this month said, ‘We. Are not.  Going. To tell. People what colour. Their hair. Should. Be.’

He Is A Red!

Ed Miliband’s reply was, “I have forgotten what I was going to say. Blah blah blah.”

miliband3

 

 

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Tony-Blair

Narcissistic loon Tony Blair has called upon President Obama to bomb Glasgow as he is convinced the Islamic State has gained a foothold in the land of the Kilted.

As he told GFB,

“I was with the Chairs of RBS, Barclays, BP and Halliburton explaining how to create the conditions for peace via slaughter, when I was handed a dossier entitled “Al-Alex Salmond Plans to introduce Deep Fried Islam to Scotland.” It’s all true because the dossier came in a nice plastic folder and had some pictures in it. One showed the Glasgow Rangers ground with a bloke with a beard sitting in one of the seats. What more proof do you need?”

slamond3

Is He An Islamist?

So, I called me old muckers Bill Clinton and George W to see if the Yanks could strike and y’know what? They never returned my call! Me! After all I’ve done for America!

"Cos We're Worth It!"

Didn’t bother with Obama – never liked fellas who are rational.

But mark my words – Scotland will be the next Islamist bolthole.”

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I had the morning off waiting for Curry’s to deliver the new flat screen TV. It’s got surround sound, radar, sonar and a missile launching system. Naturally they didn’t turn up.

The curly Kale diet was working its magic and I was on the pot reading The Sun.

The Yanks are going to start bombing Iraq again because although we “won” and “left a vibrant, pluralistic, democratic state” behind, it has all gone a bit tits up and some Angry Lads who think they are indestructible want to set up a Caliphate (whatever that is – thought it was a camping stove) – and suppress everything that lives there – even the wind if it blows too hastily.

Now a load of Ancient Christians are stuck up an Iraqi mountain (like Moses when he nipped up one to get a few do’s and dont’s – the one about not killing is always good for a laugh) – the Angry Lads want to kill them because their version of the same God is different – largely in choice of headwear it seems to me.

Then there’s the Israeli’s – same God – different head-gear again – slaughtering the innocents and creating more Angry Lads in the process.

Jesus was up a mountain – told us to be good – talk about stating the obvious! Then he was slaughtered – on a mountain.

Fuck it – going down the Stretched Testicle for a few pints.

At least me bowels are moving with aplomb.

But what is it with religion and mountains?

Go tell it my son!

I blame Buddhists. Bastards to a man.

Bob

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Leader of the Opposition, Ed Miliband has told Gingerfightback’s Political Editor Marsupial Fanning that his recent meeting with President Obama was  both “Constructive and nutritious.”

The buck toothed laddio went onto say, “The President and I share views on Syria,  ISIS, Russia, Gaza, and the right amount of melted cheese in a burger. He now knows that  fries are called chips in England. I must say his chewing was impeccable. It has come on leaps and bounds.”

When asked for his views on the meeting the President replied, “Who? Never met the fella.”

miliband copy

Ed has been likened to Wallace from Wallace and Gromit – well, he is a bit stop go after all.

 

 

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stool chart

How Would You Characterise Your Leaders Folks?

Hello,

Presidents Obama and Putin are  still at loggerheads over the need to lob a few missiles into Syria to tell off naughty President Assad and his mates for using chemical weapons.

putin obama_edited-2

The benefits of chucking a few missiles into Syria hasn’t been explained yet. But because there is no reason not to lob a few bombs at a dictator tucked away in his bunker and in all probability no longer in command of anything; FUCK IT! LAUNCH!

No doubt a few more innocent Syrians will die but, but Hey Ho! house prices are on the rise!

A CLEAR MESSAGE HAS BEEN SENT! WE HAVE ACTED!

The Stealth Sausage Bombers are primed and the Inter Continental Ballistic Sausages armed and locations fixed;

.stealth-bomber copysausage rocket_edited-2

Meanwhile, Prime Minister David Cameron, miffed at being unable to understand why Parliament did not vote to keep us up America’s back passage and so threatening his post Prime Ministerial career of the global lecture circuit and directorships of Multi-Nationals a la Tony Blair, has got the right hump with President “Putin” On The Rich for dismissing the UK as a small island everyone ignores.

 Tony-Blair  Tanks For The Memories Muammar

                 Peace Envoy My Arse

“What a bounder! He’s cost me a fortune,” The PM was heard saying as he queued for tea and sausage rolls at St Petersburg Bus Station, “Two words that’ll show we are still a Great nation – Morris Dancing!” And with a Hey Nonny Nonny, Nonny Hey Hey, David and the chaps pranced their way down St Petersburg High Street doing the famous “Cornish Toe Tap Tickle” and the strangely evocative  “Blackie Bladder Bounce”. So put that in yer pipe and smoke it you Russian slap headed Bastard!

morris1PM Cameron is Delighted"Keep Peddling Irrelevant"

What a load of Bollox!

Hi! My Name Is Ed Minibellend

jolson

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Hello,

Those of you who read the earlier news story (here!) about Obama and Putin “On The Ritz” settling their differences by balancing a roast chicken on their heads have probably spent the day wondering what has been happening and who won?

putin obama_edited-2

Well, we can reveal that after 16 hours of intense balancing and occasional wobbling, President Obama came out on top! Obviously his well known poise and ability to work calmly under pressure were enough to see off the plucked plucky plutocrat from Moscow.

Chickens off to Barack and I wouldn’t want to be in Snowden’s shoes………..

putin obama3

Finally. Chicken. Has Come. To America

Cluck cluck

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World Exclusive!

Gingerfightback correspondent, Damien One-Lump-Or-Two has discovered that British Minister, Philip Hammond has been secretly spying on all those foreign leader types who are having a natter in Northern Ireland. As this image shows Hammond is secretly beaming messages back to the spooks at NSA and GCHQ as part of the now notorious GISM programme.

bomb-detector

Whilst the antennae may look like a rotary clothes dryer held on with a chinstrap, it is in fact the most advanced (only) integrated spying and drying kit in the world.

As Hammond told President Putin The Boot In, of Ruskyland, “Now I can earwig you about Syria whilst I air me smalls old chap!”

Backdown! - Putin On The Ritz

Backdown! – Putin On The Ritz

British PM David Cameron meanwhile thinks tax evasion can be cured by a spot of Morris Dancing. “Come on Chaps, Tally Ho! Hey Nonny Nonny, Whack Me Wood Clegg! Bally Hell who let that Wog in here! Security!” Cameron is rumoured to have said after seeing President Obama stroll into the canteen for an egg mayonnaise sandwich late last night.

Reports that there was cress in the sandwich have been strenuosly denied by Whitehouse sources.

"I'm gonna fackin' brain you Cameron"

Being in Ireland has allowed President O’Bama to proclaim his Celtic roots. “Finally. Ginge. Has Come. To America,” he told adoring crowds in Belfast.

Among the audience was  Shin Bone leader Gerry Adams sporting a natty new look.

Haven't Had  A Curly Wurly In Years

Not to be outdone, the Loyalist community brought out their own refreshed look and will henceforth be known as the Terry’s Chocolate Orange Order.

"Dig The New Look Lads" - Gok Wan

These two turned up as well.

"Top Of One's Morning To One"

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