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Posts Tagged ‘Music’

Hello

About a year ago we cause quite a stir with this post about Gibbons, Banjos and the Diary of lost Missionary Obadiah Melordy, who was the first honky to witness Gibbons plucking banjos in their natural habitat.

Here once again are those revelatory images and the extract from Obadiah’s Diary

It was the American Baptist Missionary Obadiah Melordy in his zeal to convert the peoples of the Bangpang peninsula to all things Godly who discovered their talent.

His diary (published posthumously in 1907) recounts the extraordinary events;

March 23rd 1887

“There is still no sign of my banjo, taken two days hence from outside the tent whilst Mrs Melordy and I succumbed to the steamy surroundings in a rigorous bought of intercourse both sexual and social. My lovely wife had sought to reassure me that my instrument (which in an act of wanton sentimentality I had named Jefferson) would be returned with an immediacy that would allow us to draw a veil over this unfortunate act of larceny and Godlessness amongst the peoples of the peninsula.

Up to this point the natives had shown a typically witless savage charm when faced with superior Godly white folk. At approximately noon today however, they appeared restless and in a state of high dudgeon. Mrs Melordy attaching her seventh undergarment, advised me to draw back the flaps of the tent.

And lo! A sound, the like of which neither I nor my wife would ever have considered and Scripture had never prepared us for, swam around us. Banjos being played like a whispered lullaby.

“Mr Melordy! Jefferson is being strummed!” my wife declared, “I believe I can hear another. Now another! Now a fourth! Look up yonder in the lee of the great tree!”

My dutiful wife, so long a bastion of petticoated virtue fainted. I cast my gaze toward the direction of the sound expecting to see natives playing some simple, godless tune upon Jefferson.

Instead I saw a troop of Western Hoolock Gibbons, idly swinging in the trees strumming banjos, each with a practiced ease that took me back to the front porch of my Father’s stead in Kansas.

Within the notation I could hear the harmonies of a favourite Christmas Carol “Away in a Manger” sung by our small, but spiritually engaged community only three months previous to celebrate Our Lord’s birth. Truly a miracle.”

March 24th 1887

“It would appear from Nincompoop, our one eyed guide and valet that a startling event has unfolded. I had asked him to retrieve Jefferson from the light fingered Gibbons and in his innocent savage way he had set off at dawn eager to please me (They are such a happy people when guided by God’s word!)

He returned only to bid Mrs Melordy and I to follow him. With trepidation we followed. Only the sound of my beloved’s petticoats rustling under my tunic could be heard. Mrs Melordy fainted due to the Christian application of a whalebone corset.

We left a guide with her and moved on.

Nincompoop and I crept forward. Closer to the troop. We were greeted by a sight of such perspicacity and dexterity that I too nearly swooned. For in a clearing sat the large troop of Gibbons with the adults strumming Banjos.

A large male was threading a recently made instrument with steel wire, presumably stolen from our provisions. Around him were strewn several roughly made tools.

We watched. Amazed. Nincompoop produced an ancient revolver (a trophy from the earlier Wesleyite missionary St John Tabard of Sevenoaks, England, whose end has never been fully explained) and took a bawdy aim at the large male. I placed a hand on his shoulder and intimated that we back away and leave the troop to strum in peace.

March 25th 1887

I am pleased to say Mrs Melordy has fully recovered from her fainting fit and we had just completed another rigorous bought of intercourse, both sexual and social, when the Gibbons’ Banjos struck up once more.

This time they played a Waltz! Seized, I am ashamed to say by the Godless desire to dance, Mrs Melordy and I reeled for several minutes as we used to in our courting days before sadly she succumbed to the heat and fainted once more.

I am no longer convinced about the efficacy of Whalebone corsets and have vowed not to wear women’s under garments in the tropics.

As I awaited her revival I studied scripture. There was nothing I could find that  explain how Gibbons, low savage beasts as they are, could construct and play Banjo’s in such a delightful manner. I am perplexed.”

So are we Mr Melordy, so are we!

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Our local pub has a disco on Friday nights. For years the music was provided by a bloke who went under the name Moby Discs until he was imprisoned for benefit fraud.

Now the Friday night disco is DJ’d by “Disco Dave – Ready to Rave!” – he is rabies free by the way.

“Disco Dave – Ready to Rave!” is down with the kids (but not in a Jimmy Saville kinda way) and shares some of his favourite dance floor fillers for you cats to use when you put on a bash.

Disco Dave – takes up the story……

“Recent shoplifting expeditions to charity shops in order to obtain new platters for my mobile discotheque, Disco Dave’s Dancing Delights, have unearthed some gems that will have the Merry Fellow rockin’ and a rollin’ all night long. Here are a couple of songs I will be playing……

Jive Bunny – “Whole lotta shit going on” – never used to have time for Jive Bunny until I found out he actually is a real performing rabbit so although this mish mash of old rock n’ roll hits is crap, you’ve got to take your hat off to him because he really is a rabbit. Rabbit rock is here to stay!

Simon & Garfunkel – “Bridge Over Troubled Water” – bit maudlin – but put in on 78rpm and hey presto! its sounds a bit like Lonnie Donegan and seeing as I’ve been unable to nick any Lonnie Donegan it’ll have to do.

John Miles – “Music” – goes on way too long, disappears up its own arse at the end and he couldn’t hold a tune to save his life but gives me a chance to neck a few beers and nip out the back for a ciggie.

Dave will share some more of his favourite dance floor fillers with you as soon as he steals them. Keep rockin’ in the free world

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As the Winter Olympics draw to a close, GFB brings you a world exclusive photo of over hyped pop sensation Miley Cyrus Twerking her way to Olympic Glory !

Yes folks, all that arse wobbling and oddly sexless posing on stage with dirty old men, also desperate for a piece of cheap publicity to flog their pap, was in fact preparation for Miley’s assault on the Ski Jumping title in Sochi.

As you can see the positioning of the buttocks is remarkable similar. Miley steered with titchy movements of her tongue. If she had her dad’s mullet for the jump, the extra drag would have added a few more metres and she would have finished higher than 43rd.

We could be wrong, but hope she puts her buttocks away now.

miley cyrus jump_edited-1

Here is Miley in pre-season training with a sausage………

miley_twerk

 

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This week, Hermione re-imagines a traditional English folk tale;

 

As I was going to Strawberry Fair

Singing, singing buttercups and daisies

I met a maiden selling her wares, Fol de dee!

Her eyes were blue and ginger her hair

It was all a bit Laura Ashley for my liking

And that’s not her natural colour if you ask me

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for over 20 years and stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

We have a Sale on at the moment.

Here are reviews of some of my favourite bits of “Art”.

1. Painting

Autumn Rhythm – One of Jackson Pollock’s most famous. I don’t have a clue either.

2. Movies

Dances With Wolves – Don’t Dance With Wolves. They will eat you. Great car chase and the underwater fight scenes are wonderful. Who will ever forget Whitney Houston’s theme tune? Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Beyonce – I Am Sasha Fierce  – I love Beyonce. She screeches and warbles better than anyone I know – Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

The Times Atlas Of The World – Got this for Christmas! Maps spelt backwards is Spam. Now there’s a thought. Goes on a bit.

Village News

The Postman

Whoever stole his rubber band ball (10 years in the making) could they please return it. He was only four short of the world rubber band collection set by Magnus Fleischer, inventor of the buttoneer, in Hamburg in the 1960’s.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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As our regular readers will know we spent a lot of time this year applying sausages to heads of the famous.

Below are a few examples of our handiwork; Can you name the individuals concerned?

bruce copy

spock copy

bono1 copy

miley_twerk

chuck norris copy

crowe sausage

hulk copy

ryangosling1

Harry Potter Sausage_edited-2

OSCARS-BEST PICTURE

eminem_edited-1

sirkeith

Dan and Rach Together!

beiber_sausage

We will continue our work in 2014 – Is there anyone you would like to see accompanied by a sausage in 2014? Let us know!

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Gingerfightback has learned that Jesus and Santa Claus have been bought by THE GREATEST man in the world Simon Cowell and Christmas has been rebranded “Cowellmass”.

Pop svengali and high fibre enthusiast Simon told Gfb, “I am great. Everybody knows that and it is fitting that, by popular demand, December 25th is named after me as it shows my greatness and enormous humility.  I will be delivering kids’ prezzies myself tomorrow night. To make the day even better for these whelps they will receive a photo of me. They can then adore me to their heart’s content. As a result of this act of magnificent munificence I have soiled myself and need a new nappy.”

santa_cowell

Here is the snap of Simon your kids will receive. What a great guy he is.

simon_cowell goetta copy

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Don’t worry ! It is only a sausage! She keeps a stash in her bag by the looks of things as well……..

nigella-hiding-sausage

 

rolled-up-10Lb-Sausage-in-handbagSomeone else who likes to snort bangers!

sirkeith 

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Yes!

bruce copy

Born To Sausage?

Famous

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Hello Folks,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

We are getting ready for the Christmas rush. Are you?

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Hay Wain –  Constable’s most famous painting.  I always thought he was a Policeman. It threw me for a while when my mate told me he wasn’t.

2. Movies

Die Hard – A bloke wearing a vest kills the bloke who played a wizard in Harry Potter. He can’t have been much of a wizard if he lets a bloke in a vest kill him. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Saturday Night Fever  – The Bee Gees were reborn with this album. I had a fever on Saturday Night. Went to the pub without drying my hair properly after a bath. Caught a chill. Goes on a bit (the album that is – not my fever – otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this).

4. Ballet

The Nutcracker – Big thighed lads prance about for some reason, whilst thin girls stand on tippy toes twirling. Then they finish. Roughly at the same time. Goes on a bit.

5. Poetry

Flute Notes From A Reedy Pond – Sylvia Plath ditty, “Hourly the eye of the sky enlarges its blank” – I haven’t a clue either.

Village News

We’ve been informed that shampoo is now in store in Spar. Next to tinned fish. Which I am assured is Dolphin Friendly.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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