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Posts Tagged ‘Media’

The above footage shows the hidden past of former Murdoch lackey and hacker to the stars, Rebekah “Decker” Brooks,  clobbering then husband Ross “Tiffany!” Kemp.

The footage was shown in Court yesterday at the start of her trial for various things which screwed the British public over in one way or another. Brooks at the time was editor of The Sun newspaper, the most popular daily paper in the country, whilst Kemp revelled in the title as the hardest bloke in British soaps through his portrayal as  wobbly headed, swivel eyed “Natter” Grant Mitchell.

Brooks broke down in the witness box (apparently her battery had run flat – but a quick 5 mins with the charger and she was right as rain!) Here is part of her “evidence”.

“As a child, I was bullied, called names like Gingernut, Carrot Top, Copperknob and much worse.  I still bare the mental scars. But I soon learned an important lesson from these bullies. Become one yourself, it is so much more fun!

He was scared shitless of her

The hacking incident relates to a terrible hacking cough I had. When I said to my serfs…..errrm…….staff if they knew the best way to sort out hacking? They must have misunderstood me and gone out and done some nasty things to poor people, who don’t matter as much as my career. And still don’t.”

Brooks now earns a crust in T’POW a woeful tribute act to woeful rock outfit T’Pau.

She told Gfb’s Barry McBinge, “We really thought we had China in our Hands when Rupert sorted out the satellite TV deal. Have you seen him lately? I haven’t and it was my birthday last week and he didn’t send me a card, he always sends a card.

Rupert saw nothing wrong with loving a monkey by the way. Whoops, mustn’t stray too far from the gagging clause! But safe to say old Digger liked a bit of gibbon action now and again. Bless.

 

I published crap, peddled lies and exploited the weak to titillate. So that you proles would watch Rupert’s TV station and then buy Rupert’s papers to allow me to push more cynical, manipulative messages of trivia, intolerance and ignorance. Like feeding shit to a corpse. I loved it!

I did it for you people of Britain. Everything was for you. I know you blame yourselves for what happened to me. Please don’t. In time I will forgive you.”

Brooks then broke down for a second time. Kwik Fit are on the scene as we write…….

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The Chubby Chancer Himself!

piersmorgan

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A few weeks ago, Gfb told you about Sarah Palin’s affair with Cheese. Well sadly they have had a parting of the wheys,  after Sarah discovered a new love. Rebekah Brooks!

You may recall our exclusive footage of Decker Brooks lumping ex-hubby Grant Mitchell. If you didn’t, here it is again!

It appears that Mama Grizzly fell for the flame haired temptress at a mobile phone security conference in Boston where Brooks was the guest speaker.

Palin was on the door.

Sarah confided to a close pal, “Only crooks would consort with Brooks! – so I guess we were meant to be!”

The pair are said to be smitten and regularly go riding together through the Alaskan tundra on horses provided London’s police.

“Corruption” – The Horse Lent By The Police To Brooksy

Commented a source, “Sarah is nuts about Bekah. The link between Brooks, Murdoch and Fox News is entirely coincidental. It has nothing to do with her political ambitions whatsoever.”

We understand that Sarah has told her kids, Animal, Mineral, Vegetable and Mineral -Again, that she and Brooksy are in it for the long haul. “I’ve got no choice,” she allegedly told them, “Brooksy has got my naughty calls to Ritt Momney on tape.”

Gfb asked Professor Pat Isserie, Lecturer in Lechering, University of Manitoba, for his views on these developments. “Phwoarr! wouldn’t mind seeing photos of them two going at it. Have you got any snaps? I pay top dollar!”

Either way it seems that the Grizzly Mama has found love again, once more in an unlikely manner. We wish them well.

If you would like to see a selection of totally made up stories about Sarah’s lovelife, visit our Ginger News page!

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The above footage, filmed secretly by Melinda Slap-Dash pinpoints the beginning of the end of The Murdoch Empire in the UK.

It reveals the moment when Rebekah “Decker” Brooks,  clobbers her then husband Ross “Tiffany!” Kemp.

Brooks at the time was editor of The Sun newspaper, the most popular daily paper in the country, whilst Kemp revelled in the title as the hardest bloke in British soaps through his portrayal as  wobbly headed, swivel eyed “Natter” Grant Mitchell.

Grant would sleep with his wife, her mother, then his sister, then his mother before running over the wife and subsequently blame a fat bird who happened to be in the vicinity at the time. Each week. Every week.

Brooks recently gave “evidence” to the Leveson Enquiry. Here is a transcript of some of her “evidence”.

“As a child, I was bullied.“Gingernut, Carrot Top, Copperknob,” I was called and much worse too.  I still bare the mental scars. But I soon learned an important lesson from these bullies. Become one yourself, it is so much more fun!

Tony and Me At A T’Pau Gig

As I said to my former husband, Grant Mitchell when I decked him, “Stay down you fuck or I will publish the photos of you and the pickled onion.” Needless to say the hardest man on British Soaps did the decent thing. We are still good friends. The photos and texts make sure of that.

I have decided to pursue another long held ambition. To play in a T’Pau tribute band. T’POW. We have a show tonight at the War Graves Commission annual hop (well I know a thing or two about dancing on the graves of the dead) in Grimsby. Come along Me Lord! 

Doors open at 8. There’s a hog roast too.

Can’t wait to belt out China in Your Hand.  Carol Decker is so talented (sorry about that story a few years ago Carol – but your pubic hair was a matter of public interest).

Talking of monkey love, Rupert saw nothing wrong in it. Whoops, mustn’t stray too far from the gagging clause! But safe to say old Digger liked a bit of gibbon action now and again.

I am entirely innocent. At the time of the indiscretions I had a terrible cold. This manifested itself into a deep-seated cough. One day I said to Andy Coulson, “Andy I have a terrible hacking cough. Could you call my doctor and ask what he recommends for a hacking cough?” Coulson must have got the wrong end of the stick. Not the brightest lad Andy. I thought he was perfect for the Tories.

But I do have some lovely framed photos of Mr Cameron, indulging himself in monkey love. When I was in Chequers recently I asked if we could watch The Wire on Sky for a couple of hours.

PM And Yours Truly Backstage At A T’POW Gig

Whether the PM thought the photos and the programme were linked to our planned purchase of Sky, you will have to ask him. He’s not speaking to me. Only texting, Indirectly.

I published crap, peddled lies and exploited the weak to titillate. So that you proles would watch Rupert’s TV station and then buy Rupert’s papers to allow me to push more cynical, manipulative messages of trivia, intolerance and ignorance. Like feeding shit to a corpse. I loved it!

I did it for you people of Britain. Everything was for you. I know you blame yourselves for what happened to me. Please don’t. In time I will forgive you. Commissioner, saddle me horse!”

As she left the witness box, Ms Brooks headbutted Lord Leveson and shouted “Stitch that, sunshine!”

 

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There was amazement in Parliament today, when it was discovered that PM David Cameron and his Deputy, Nick Thingy are actually a pair of testicles.

These revealing shots were passed to Gfb by our brave reporter Emrie Self-Assembly, who happened across Rupert Murdoch taking off his underpants after a hard day’s jowl wobbling to the Leveson Enquiry in London.

Murdoch was heard to say, “Strewth cobber! These budgie smugglers are a tad tight on my knackers. How ya doing down their boys? What’s on Sky tonight?”

For the first time in nearly 50 years, nary a British politician did answer a Murdoch question.

They're In It Together!

Even more surprising was the revelation that Opposition Leader Ed Minibellend has allowed himself to become Murdoch’s penis and is seeking ways prevent the Aussie Press Baron, recently voted “The World’s Most Misunderstood Demagogue” from taking the piss out of him too!

What a way to run a country!

Hi! My Name Is Ed Minibellend

It really is a load of bollocks!

Gawd ‘elp us!

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