Arts Scene With Terry Cotter The Potter

Hello Folks

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a Potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop down here in Lower Swell.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Mona Lisa – Da Vinci’s masterpiece – I too knew a girl called Lisa who moaned a lot.

The Original Version!

He Painted It – But Without A Yorkshire Pudding On His Head

2. Movies

Transformers – erm…..erm…..sorry……nope not a clue – why does it go on a bit?

3. Music

Beethoven’s 7th – it begins with; dum de dum dum dum de dum – goes on a bit thereafter.

4. Dance

The Nutcracker – Heavy hammed lads in tights and cod pieces go – PRANCE – PRANCE – LEAP! – Then thin birds in miniskirts go tippy toe -tippy toe – stand still – TWIRL!  – none of this has anything to do with nuts – which always confuses me.

PS What is a Potter’s favourite song?  Kiln Me Softly!

Village News

Whoever stole the Village notice board please return it.

Until next time……keep those wheels a spinning!

TCTP

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Sheep And The War On Terror – By Stench McBain – Ginger Ninja Warrior One Man War Gone Rogue Gone Bad

As ex-special forces, I am an expert at “blending in” with my surroundings to achieve the most important goal of rogue ginger warriors – surprise.

I demonstrate this in my latest book, “Béchamel Death Squad – The Lasagna Years”. Here is an extract from Chapter 4, “Sweat The Onions – Then Decapitate”.  

“In the mountains for 64 days. Still no sign of The Evil Terrorist. Sent our sharpshooter sheep Stevenson into a forward position with the orders to watch the road for any sign of activity.

“Baa.” He replied.

I had wondered about a sheep’s ability to be a sharp shooter and how in the name of Oliver North and all things shady, a ruminant had passed the selection tests. Let alone pull a trigger. Still that is for the Brass to determine.

But at least a sheep does not draw attention as it traverses the lonely mountain cols armed only with a bazooka, big gun and a love of one’s country.

Point Man Jellytits O’Loon,  recommended we eat Stevenson.  No. Orders were Orders and I’m not much of a mutton man in all honesty.

On day 65 The Evil Terrorist and his motley crew of cutthroats and knaves ambled toward Stevenson.

ET cried,”Sim salabim, eye of a goat, tail of a coat, a beast that yields a tasty, nutritious snack at a price that won’t break the bank! It is a sign from the heavens of the righteousness of our heroin supply business.” (My Farsi is a bit rusty and this may not be the 100% correct translation).

“Baa.”

In the ensuing gunfight, The Evil Terrorist was slain. In the movie that was made of this action, Sharpshooter Sheep II,(Stevenson was played by Mark Wahlberg) the sheep is credited with firing the shot that slew The Evil Terrorist. It was me actually. Who after all seriously believes a sheep can pump an evil terrorist fulla lead?

Oscars Being Mentioned!

Stevenson is now Foreign Secretary.  

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