World Cup Report With Ginger Sooty!

 

Ginger Sooty filed this from Copacabananananana Beach last night.

Hello,

 

What a World Cup!

We are through the group stages now and Spain, Italy, Portugal, Russia and England are on the dreaded “plane back home” to vilification and derision.

Well done to the USA, Algeria and Costa Rica in particular for making it through to the knock out stages. The Algerian man of the tournament must be their supporter who shone a laser into the Russian keeper’s eyes moments before they equalised to send them through. Cheating and modern technology in perfect harmony.

 

The Russian trainer, the granite jawed Capello faced a crisis when his hair dye ran for a longer period in one match than his star centre forward Igor Knickersov. Pity Capello (not) for selecting a goalkeeper who had more chance of catching a mackerel in a shower in Dar-Es-Salaam than the ball when it approached.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s dodgy knee meant that his rhinestone duffel bag was the only Portugese item to shine this year.

2 Ghanaian players were sent home after assaulting a member of the Ghanaian FA in a dispute over wages.  The President ordered $3,000,000 cash to be flown to Brazil to pay the Black Star Stars. They lost.

Belgium, many people’s dark horses (what would a bright horse be? Also you have a Ruthless Streak but not a Ruth Streak?) would be my outside tip to win the thing now. Remember you read it here first.

The Tussel On Brussels

Here on Copacabana Beach it is hard being a glove puppet – the sand gets everywhere –  but the obsession with the buttocks in this country is so overwhelming that I am having a thong made so I can shake my booty sister!

 

Other Things You May Have Missed

The Ivory Coast players were covered in custard for their do or die match against Greece. They lost.

Two of the players from Ecuador had panpipes up their arses when playing. This brought a lovely soothing quality to the teams play and we all warbled a Simon and Garfunkel tune without knowing why. (I’d rather be a nail).

Argentina’s talisman and genius Lionel Messi was named after Lionel Blair

Australian Prime Minister Tony “Abbo” Abbott blamed an over reliance on slip on shoes amongst Australian men to explain the teams early exit.

Enjoy the World Cup!

 

 

Read Full Post »

Luis Suarez Signs Major Teeth Sponsorship Deal!

Luis Suarez has signed a major sponsorship agreement with denture fixing giant Fixodont.

Suarez ,who recently took a bite out of big conked Italian defender, Giorgio Chiellini, was delighted with the tie up telling Gfb’s Dental Correpsondent, Geoff Gingivitis, “I is a very happi to announce theeeese sponshooreship agreeeeeeement with Fixshodont. Dey geeeevveeee meeee the greeeeep I neeeeed to ‘ave a da confidents to a byte da fuck outta any hoponent ooh geta in ma way. I love a neeeeble on flesh. Good for da soul no?”

Meanwhile, Suarez’s dentist in Montevideo, Mr Gustavo Cuspid told our reporter, “Luis is a lovely lad, with great teeth  – not a filling in his gob! He has found a use for his pronounced overbite, so leave our national hero alone.”

Chomp, chomp.

 

 

Read Full Post »