Bradley Wiggins (Gingerish) Tour Winner, Olympic Champ – Sports Personality Of The Year!

Hello Folks

Bradley’s done it again! crowned BBC Sports Personality of The Year, – we claim him as a Ginger.

Go Wiggo!

Tough on Mo though – If he’s been Ginger would the result haved been different? Probably  not.

 

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Ginger Glory At London 2012!

Earl Wiggins Of Lambretta

The Olympics are over.

Ginger Sooty is in the wash along with me smalls and as it is good drying weather today, I will hang him out in the garden rather than on the clothes horse in the loft of Fightback Towers.

He will be back, fluffed and buffed for his next Reportage.

Many thanks to the thousands of you who took the time to read his in-depth reports. I understand that Pluckery Clubs, Octagenarian Bollock Drop and Roll Clubs and Donkey Dangling Clubs across the UK have seen a spike in enquiries.

We hope we have played a small part in getting people of their settees and gibbering for at least thirty minutes a day.

It has been a great Olympics for Gingers. Below are some of our Titian Titans!

To the youngsters who got in touch to talk about being bullied because they are Ginger, please take inspiration from these people. Talk to your parents, family members or teachers about the problems you are having.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Lord Sandy Bottom

Dan Purvis – Gymnastics

Henk Grol – Judo (Nederlandsch)

Our Mo!

Will Satch – Rowing (In Boats – not arguing – although I wouldn’t argue with him)

Betty Heidler – obvious where she is from and what she does

Team GB’s Water Polo Captain

Lot To Live Up To Wayne!

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Mo Farah Realises His Dream!

Ginger Mo Farah!

Mo Farah Realises His Dream!

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 16

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  We’re done!

Wigs off to Mo Farah for winning the 5,000 metres and also to the Jamaican 4×100 metres team for breaking the world record on their way to gold.

David Boudia of the US won the 10 metre diving (with titchy trunks on).

Tamara Echegoyen Dominguez, Sofia Toro Prieto Puga and Angela Pumariega Menendez of Spain  won gold in the women’s Elliott 6m Sailing

Another great sailor was Kirk Douglas. The photo shows what happened to his boat. Ahoy there!

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

I would like to see the theme of the Summer Fete being incorporated into the closing ceremony and not all of that esoteric power blather. All played out over a dodgy PA system.

So first up would be The Donkey Derby;

Then; Glamorous Granny

Followed by;  Knobbly Knees!

Then; The Triathlon!

Finally of course – The Raffle!

First Prize – A Christmas Hamper

Second Prize – A Set of Cotton Sheets

Third Prize – A Bottle of Pomagne

Fourth Prize – A Kettle (With Lead)

Fifth Prize – A Pair Of Slippers

Sixth Prize – A Lamp (Without Shade)

Hopefully the rain will hold off for it.

I Hope You Enjoyed  The Games!

Nighty Night

Sooty

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Another Ginger Gold (Well, Almost But For The Second Time)

Another Ginger Gold!

Will we ever forget his second spindly legged race for home?

When asked about his award from Gingerfightback Mo said, “Winning the 5,ooo metres and 10,000 metres was great but donning the ginger syrup is my greatest achievement!”

Go Mo!

Suits Him!

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 15

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  Nearly there!

Maris Strombergs from Latvia won the BMX gold.  The wicker basket on the front of his bike didn’t slow him down. Team GB’s entrant promises to take his stabiliser wheels off for Rio.

The USA 4×100 metres women’s team broke the world record, while Britain’s lads dropped the baton (once again).

There was an upset in the men’s Kayak Single (K1) 200m, where Piotr Siemionowski of Poland finished sixth and did not qualify for the final. Watching it I was continually chanting “Hiawatha, Hiawatha, Hiawatha”.

Another great Kayaker to miss out was Kirk Douglas. The photo shows what happened to his Kayak!

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Salad Dressing

Italian Mario Zucchini is the one to beat. His lettuce in thong, beetroot in slingbacks combo was not only erotic, challenging and daring it was also very tasty.

In the World Championships in Luamba this year, Zucchini’s coleslaw capped with a Titfer and Tomato in double breasted single vent suit literally took the world of Sport’s Salad Dressing to new heights.

Although it left a nasty taste in the mouth with his competitors.

Ireland’s Paddy McMuff the self-styled “King of Cabbage Bra” will feature in the medal hunt.

2. Agoraphobic Orienteering

Test event at this year’s games.

Actually it started ten days ago but no-one has left the changing tent yet.  The sound of knees knocking together dominates.

Yeng Bing Yang of China took a peek out of the tent and this places her in the gold medal position.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 14

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  History was made yesterday!

Usain Bolt did the sprint double, lolloping round the 200 metres in next to no time and became the first man to defend both sprint titles.

Team GB’s Nicola Adams became the first woman to win a gold in boxing when she beat China’s Rencan in a thrilling contest.

Holland tonked GB 9-2 to go into the men’s hockey final. As you known thish givesh ush der chancesh to do der Dutsch accshent fur a liddle while.

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. The Men’s 4×4 Gibber

A sport with a training regime like no other. Drinking, smoking, tottering, poor bladder control, teeth staining, sitting in pubs talking cobblers and eating greasy food of dubious quality on the way home, whilst talking more nonsense.

Every day. For decades.

“Gibber is to human endeavour what Big Bang Theory is to the salad dressings.” Stephen Hawking

“I think therefore I gibber.” D’escartes

“Has anyone seen my socks?” Billy Bob Thornton

Team GB’s Quartet of Harding, O’Brien, Smyth and the anchorman Henderson, will be going for gold.

“Top Gibber!” we hope to be saying this evening. A film of their exploits, “Gibbers of Fire” is to be released later in the year.

Expect strong competition from the Nepalese.

2. Broad Bean Knee Crush

As Jacques Rogge said, “Let legumes begin!”

For vegetable fanciers the highlight of the games. Jumping from a height of 10 metres, competitors seek to crush broad beans, laid out in the image of Lord Coe, with their knees.

A sport that really gets the pulses racing.

Etienne Louvre is the favourite for the gold but expect Lambang Sillowotbanglangtangbingbangabongivegotalovelybunchofcoconuts from Thailand to press her hard.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty!

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 13

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  Only a few days to go now!

Canoeing – Eirik Verus Larsen from Norway won a gold in sprint canoeing. He got himself into a bit of a paddle but came good in the end.

Another Viking who was in the final was Kirk Douglas. Sadly Kirk’s canoe didn’t make the end of the race.

Wrestling – Japan’s Kaori Icho became the first woman to win three Olympic wrestling gold medals by beating China’s Jing Ruixue in the freestyle 63kg final. Wonder who her squeeze is. Brave lad.

Athletics – Alyson Felix of the USA  won the Women’s 200 hundred metres final.  She really is poetry in motion. The Beret, Goatee and Cigarette clamped between her teeth certainly give that impression.

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Sprint Shoe Horning

The sport that requires you to slip slip-ons on pronto.

The world record stands at 27 pairs fitted and removed in a minute. The shoes used are two sizes smaller than a competitor’s foot size.

Esteban “The Man With Hooves Instead Of Feet” Cordobes from Ecuador is favourite to take gold. Watching him “slipping” at race pace is like watching a magician at work, only this magician’s magic wand is a tortoise-shell shoe-horn with “Esteban” written  on it. In Mother of Pearl.

Evangelists think he is the Devil because of his cloven hooves instead of feet – we are not so sure.

Expect Canada’s Larry Bertrand to challenge. His his mum always holds a giant crucifix over him when he takes on Esteban.

(We’ve just heard that Larry has been found dead, his shoe horn rammed through his heart and “Esteban Diablo” written in Larry’s own blood by the cadaver).

2. Sado Masochists 10,000 Metres 

The most prestigious athletic competition for fetishists and the S&M fraternity.

10 competitors will be entered for this race (with a variety of implements) and  Dominatrix Madam Sin  and her “Little Bleeder” will whip them into shape round the back passage on this brand spanking new track.

The warm weather has forced organisers to ban gimp masks.

Belgium’s Jean Luc-Squeak will take some beating (as he does most Thursday nights) in this race. Tony Belter from Australia will provide stiff opposition however.

The losers will be tied together, castigated and publicly humiliated by the stadium’s 80,000 spectators for several hours.

Much to their delight!

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty!

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 12

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  Another day of great action! 

Lulu won a gold in the women’s weightlifting. I didn’t know the firey throated ginger icon was such a jerk exponent. However I think she has been dabbling with the steroids judging by this shot of her.

Women’s Handball – Basically it’s like throwing a bean bag around while each team knocks the bejesus out of each other.

The best action I’ve seen from the Olympics. In the France v Montenegro Women’s quarter-final match, Popovic scored with the last shot to see the crafty Slavic nation advance.

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Those Lads Who Walk Around With The Arses Of Their Jeans Hanging Around Their Ankles Steeplechase –  Not a great took is it? They will regret it in years to come. I’m particularly looking forward to the water jump.

The USA’s Chad Carlson and his partner F’ont’arn Drive-By-Shooting are the favourites – if they can shuffle to the stadium in time.

Team GB’s Titchy-Shank-U-Wiv-Me-Swiss-Army-Corkscrew-Innit is confident of medalling, if his mum will let him aaaaaahhhht!

2. Cheesey Peas Far Fling

A sport as old as chewing. The Dalai Lama’s favourite pastime and as the Buddha himself once wrote “Well fucked off today. Missed out on my best ever Cheesey Peas Far Fling score by single point. Gutted. Never going to attain my next level of consciousness now.”

A simple game. Immerse peas in cheese.  Take a handful of the Cheesey Peas and try to maximise your score by grouping your “fling” as close to the centre of the target thirty  three yards away. Points are deducted for the distance each Cheesey Pea is from the bullseye or as it is known in Cheesey Pea talk, “The Dragon’s Lair” (We don’t know either).

Bangladesh have high hopes in the women’s competition (they are current Asian champions) but look out for plucky Dutch Edina Gouda who told Gfb recently, “Yesh, for shure I thinksh I can win der Cheeshey Peash Far Fling. My peash are real cheeshey this year!”

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty’s Olympic Diary – Day 11

Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

Well Folks –  What A Day!

Nadzeya Ostapchuk won gold in the Women’s shot putt. Her hairstyle reminded me of Gordon Strachan circa 1988.

Australian Tom Slingsby won a gold in the Laser class sailing.  They will soon catch up with New Zealand! (Not that we are gloating after decades of drubbings from them – oh yes we are!)

These two seem to be enjoying themselves in the Greco-Roman wrestling!

 

A couple of sports to look out for.

1. Cistercian Dispersion – Dates back to 645 AD, when monks on Holy Island, busy being ascetic and wondering what to do about the sweat rash from their woollen robes are captured by Vikings.

One Norseman has the bright idea of seeing how far he can fling their separated heads. The best monk chucker was then entered into the Dark Ages favourite quiz show Supermarket Pillage.

The sport has received something of a revival in the last ten years. Although they don’t throw monks heads anymore!  Instead a medicine ball with a wig glued onto it. But don’t worry the wig has a bald spot for a bit of authenticity.

Norway’s Jan-Dahl Tossderhead is favourite for gold although expect a challenge from the mighty Algerian Youssouf Al-Syrup.

2. Sausage Pocket

Marjorie Masticationio from Sicily can catch in the pocket of her slacks a flung sausage from a distance of 47 Metres!

A sport for all the family this one and with a tasty meaty snack never far away!

Marjorie hopes to land gold.  She has already medalled in the Synchronised Bacon Waving with her partner Gina Pollo.

Team GB’s Penny Whistle will be her main rival although her use of a chipolata is sure to be a bone of contention.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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