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Posts Tagged ‘James Bond’

new oily

Oily,

When I look at a photo of you I think of one word. Sexy Beast. More importantly what are your views on whether Scotland should become an independent McNation.

 Jock McJock, Jocktown

McOily Replies;

Hoots Mon!

This talk of Scottish independence reminds me of a true story about Sean Connery. True in the sense that I am making it up as I go along. In 1971 Sean, George Best, Warren Beatty and I were at an 8 day Miss World Sexathon in Monte Carlo.

It was a sort of All You Can Eat buffet. And boy did we dine.

Sean told me he had very strong views on Scottish Independence, “Och aye laddie the noo. I get strongly criticised for no livin’ in shiteholes like Galashiels, but I’m fiercely patriotic. Sure I think they should build up that big wall an keep thon buggers oot. I love haggis n fried mars bar me. I have a sporran too. And bagpipes. I just prefer chasin’ skirt aroond the world likesay ya ken ya f**kin  ****. Now wheres thon Miss Thailand?”

Yes, I too worried how he morphed into Begbie from Trainspotting before my very eyes. But such was the hedonism of those days!

Scotland still has a lot of oil. Nice………….

 McOily

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Crikey!

The wonderful and brilliant lass from ooop North via Canada, Catherine Johnson (read her brilliant words HERE!) asked for a Sausagey Update of classic film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Thought of the Child Catcher (still scares the you know what out of me) Toot Sweets and even pondered The Old Bamboo but plumped for Chitty, Dick, Sally Anne and those two squeaky kids.

Obviously Dick had to be given the biggest sausage and we think his work in CCBB was only surpassed by Diagnosis Murder.

dvd

IS THERE ANYBODY OR ANYTHING YOU WOULD SAUSAGED? FEEL FREE TO PASS ON YOUR WISH!

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As our regular readers will know we spent a lot of time this year applying sausages to heads of the famous.

Below are a few examples of our handiwork; Can you name the individuals concerned?

bruce copy

spock copy

bono1 copy

miley_twerk

chuck norris copy

crowe sausage

hulk copy

ryangosling1

Harry Potter Sausage_edited-2

OSCARS-BEST PICTURE

eminem_edited-1

sirkeith

Dan and Rach Together!

beiber_sausage

We will continue our work in 2014 – Is there anyone you would like to see accompanied by a sausage in 2014? Let us know!

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new oily

Oily,

When I look at a photo of you I think of one word. Sexy Beast. More importantly what are your views on whether Scotland should become an independent McNation.

 Jock McJock, Jocktown

McOily Replies;

Hoots Mon!

This talk of Scottish independence reminds me of a true story about Sean Connery. True in the sense that I am making it up as I go along. In 1971 Sean, George Best, Warren Beatty and I were at an 8 day Miss World Sexathon in Monte Carlo.

It was a sort of All You Can Eat buffet. And boy did we dine.

Sean told me he had very strong views on Scottish Independence, “Och aye laddie the noo. I get strongly criticised for no livin’ in shiteholes like Galashiels, but I’m fiercely patriotic. Sure I think they should build up that big wall an keep thon buggers oot. I love haggis n fried mars bar me. I have a sporran too. And bagpipes. I just prefer chasin’ skirt aroond the world likesay ya ken ya f**kin  ****. Now wheres thon Miss Thailand?”

Yes, I too worried how he morphed into Begbie from Trainspotting before my very eyes. But such was the hedonism of those days!

Scotland still has a lot of oil. Nice………….

 McOily

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Hello

We caused a stir yesterday amongst The Bond Sausage Cognoscenti by failing to list THEIR favourite Bond Sausage movies. We felt it appropriate to reveal the complete ranking prepared by the Bond Sausage Committee at its recent convention in Vienna.

Daniel Craig’s lawyers informed us that sausages on his head are not appropriate and asked we remove the offending image. We have done so but felt obliged to leave a sausage about his person to keep wifey, the fragrant Rach company. Can you spot it?

craigweiss02

The Bond Sausage Committee ranked the movies in the following order;

1. Dr Sausage

2. Gold Sausage

3. From Russia With Sausage

4. On Her Majesty’s Secret Sausage

5. Live And Let Sausage

6. The Sausage Who Loved Me

7. A View To A Sausage

8. The Sausage Is Not Enough

9. Sausage Royale

10. The Quantum Of Sausage

11. Octosausage

12. Thundersausage

13. You Only Sausage Twice

14. Sausages Are Forever

15. Licence To Sausage

16. The Living Sausage

17. Die Another Sausage

18. Skysausage

19. Golden Sausage

20. Sausage Never Dies

21. The Man With The Golden Sausage

22. Moonsausage

23. For Your Sausage Only

Whilst this offers a number of opportunities for Double Entendres we will refrain from that (although the mighty blogger Joe Hoover’s suggestion of Sausagepussy did have us giggling. We don’t know why – raised Catholic and not allowed to eat sausages (or play the trumpet) after the age of 13 due to the phallic connotations associated with the good old banger may have something to do with it.

Again we use the picture of Adele singing with a Sausage in Hand and on Head – altogether now – “Isha Sshkyfoallll, when you tumballllllll, hic”.

adele_sausage

We Hope This Answers All Your Questions

James Bond Will Return…………

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Yes!

Dan and Rach Together!

Here are the Top 10 Sausage Bond Movies

1. Dr Sausage

2. Gold Sausage

3. From Russia With Sausage

4. On Her Majesty’s Secret Sausage

5. Live And Let Sausage

6. The Sausage Who Loved Me

7. A View To A Sausage

8. The Sausage Is Not Enough

9. Sausage Royale

10. The Quantum Of Sausage

No place for Skysausage, but here is the picture of Adele singing with a Sausage in Hand and on Head (we wring things dry here at GFB!)  – altogether now – “Isha Sshkyfoallll, when you tumballllllll, hic”.

adele_sausage

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Yes! (And no we are not being phallocentric just sausagecentric)

adele_sausage

 

You can see Tom Cruise with a sausage in his hair here!

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Hello,

My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.

I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.

I’ve been making little pottery versions of famous boy bands. Bands such as, Those Lads Who Can’t Sing But Wear Their Jeans Below Their Arses, That One With That Lad With A Limp In and The One With Those Lads With Ridiculous Facial Hair.

Here are some reviews of some of my favourite bits from the world they call “Art”.

1. Painting

The Nightwatch –  One of Rembrandt’s best. Difficult to watch things at night. It is dark. I like this painting though. At night look at it with the light on though. Otherwise you won’t see much.

2. Movies

Live and Let Die – Roger Moore’s eyebrow is very good. Any film that has Voodoo and men wearing shirts sporting epaulettes is alright by me. Goes on a bit.

3. Music

Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here – “We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year” – doesn’t matter – fish have very bad memories so they won’t be  lost for long. Fish are thick.  Goes on a bit.

4. Literature

James Ellroy – American Tabloid – Drug smuggling transvestite J. Edgar Hoover shoots JFK and blames a black bloke.  Goes on a bit though.

5. Bridge Night

Tomorrow’s Bridge Night has been cancelled as the Bridge has not been delivered yet due to the floods. Keep an eye on the noticeboard outside the Butcher’s for further news.

‘Til next time – The Wheel Keeps On Turning!

TCTP

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