Cameron’s Final Gamble! “Gingers Must Wear Burkhas!”

 British PM  David Cameron has played a dastardly final card in his bid to cling to power.

BANNING GINGERS FROM PUBLIC VIEW!

As he trails pointless oaf Ed Miliband in the polls, the posh boy “Who cares deeply” has decided to make Gingers a key plank of his 2015 election campaign.

In his speech today to the Idiocracy that is the Conservative Party, Cameron will say, “Look here Chaps, we’ve fucked over the poor, propped up the Bankers, divided old from young, gay from straight, black from white and STILL people don’t like us! Even giving pooftahs the right to marry hasn’t helped.  I can only reach one conclusion. Gingers are to blame!”

To gasps from his dribbling, incontinent audience he blurted, “Banning Gingers from public life and stopping them using the internet to spread their gingery thingymajigs is all that is left to me. Polish my brogues please Fotheringham. Where is my fag?”

Last year, Gfb’s correspondent Gail Force-Winds revealed Tory plans to impose Burkhas on Gingers were shelved due to the fact that it was stupid. However, with the lads firing up in Iraq again and a need to appear to have some semblance of control domestically and internationally, the Ginger Question has been brought back.

Cameron’s comments put him at odds with President Barack Obama who, in a speech in Grimsby this month said, ‘We. Are not.  Going. To tell. People what colour. Their hair. Should. Be.’

He Is A Red!

Ed Miliband’s reply was, “I have forgotten what I was going to say. Blah blah blah.”

 

 

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David Cameron Predicts Sharia Law In Scotland

British PM David Cameron has predicted that Scotland will be under Sharia Law “within days” of becoming Independent.

The PM speaking to Gfb’s Colin Testicle, gave the warning as the polls narrowed further in the run up to the referendum on Scottish independence on September 18th.

After his valet Timpkins had salted the PM’s boiled egg and cut up his soldiers, Cameron told Testicle, “Look here – these Jock chaps  and chapesses need to know whats going on with those Nationalist  wallahs.  They are actually a front for “The Mad McMullahs” a shadowy Islamist/Free Presbyterian ultra orthodox Abrahamic faith union who want to ban Knee length socks, cabbage and deep fried Mars Bars, which people of Scotland, I personally adore.”

Could He Be a Terrorist?

When asked what proof he has of the existence of The Mad McMullahs, the PM replied, “Can’t say too much old bean, walls have ears and all that but safe to say take a shufty at Alex Salmond – imagine him with a beard. Yeah? Yeah? Now what about his piece of totty Nicola Sturgeon – imagine her with a beard. Obvious really isn’t it! Salmond also owns a Cat Stevens record.”

“I suspect we are going have to arm the Orange Order at this rate,” he said before belching and turning his attention to a couple of Dick Emery sketches which apparently is contingency planning for Ukraine.

Gfb asked Big Jock Al-McJock Al Kebab Shish and Salad – Imam of the Galashiels Mosque for a reply and he told us, “Cameron is a fucking idiot.”

 

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Tony Blair Wants To Bomb His Local Indian Restaurant After Dodgy Chicken Tikka Masala

 

Narcissistic loon Tony Blair has called for his local Curry House to be bombed after the Chicken Tikka Masala he’d ordered turned out to be “Dodgy”.

As he told GFB,

“I was with the Chairs of Goldman Sachs, EXXON and Halliburton outlining my plans for peace in the Middle East by bombing the shite out of the place.  Only bombing will bring about the long-lasting peace we in the West deserve. Mass slaughter will open their eyes to my genius.

The curry turns up and the chicken was a ropey.  The owners are Bengali and Muslim – after all I have done for Muslims!  So I got on the blower to the RAF to order them to launch a few Sidewinders into the “Passage To India”.

“They told to me to “Fuck Off You Nutter!”

Me! Tony!

So, I called me old muckers Bill Clinton and George W to see if the Yanks could strike and y’know what? They never returned my call! Me! After all I’ve done for America!

There’s always Vladimir – he’s a chum now – especially as I am considering being a peace envoy for Ukraine – worth a few bob that gig.

As I said 10 years ago. History will be my judge. For without me there would be no peace in Iraq today. Does anybody know where a good curry house is though?”

“Cos We’re Worth It!”

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DIY Tips With Tommy Tapper – #2 Boilers

Tommy Tapper, “Plumber To The Stars” provides a valuable introduction to DIY.

If it can be fixed he won’t be able to do it

His manual, “I Bodge Therefore I am,” is an acknowledged masterclass in the no-nonsense, no worries, no skill approach to DIY.

Here are some of his trade secrets for Boilers.

1. What is the primary purpose of a boiler? To breakdown.

2. Where are boilers located? In a very inaccessible spot in your home.

3. What are they made of?  Normally stiff metally stuff.  A few pipes pop out. These allow you to play a boiler as a wind instrument in a mildly comedic fashion.

4. Normal boiler problems?  They stop working.

5. Things to consider before you fix a boiler;

i) If you can’t fix it by hitting it with your hammer, you maybe facing a more sizeable problem.

ii) The journey time to your local Accident and Emergency unit.

iii) Use a naked flame to check for a gas leak. Much the quickest way and so much better than all this politically correct, health and safety, Muslims eat our babies do gooding stuffed constantly rammed down our throats by the EU.

iv) Your adjustable spanner is comfortable with change.

v) That it is the boiler you are fixing.

5. Little known fact about the Boiler

The domestic boiler was invented in 1874 by Derek Central-Heating. Fancy that!

“Gingerfightback – The Blog That Cares. Really Cares”

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Sarkozy’s Final Gamble! Ban Gingers!

Ailing French President, “Tricky” Nicky Sarkozy has played a dastardly final card in his increasingly desperate bid to cling to power in France.

BANNING GINGERS!

As he trails bitter rival Francois Hollande in les polls, the titchy titular head of the 5th Republic has expanded his recent decision to force Gingers into Burkhas by completely banning them from French life.

A World Without Gingers….

In a rally outside a Boules Court in Brittany, Sarkozy, standing on a box said, “Frere Jacques, Sur la Pont D’Avignon, le Tour d’Eiffel, creme fraiche, hoh he hon. C’est les merdes Gingers whoez isez toez blamez pour mon predicamon!”

To gasps from his ball chucking audience he then blurted, “Sacere bleu! Non ces soir Josephine, Maginot Line! Avez vous une cuppa? Onions.”

Why Give This Man A Platform?

 

Last year, Gfb’s France correspondent Gael Force-Winds revealed the imposition of Burkhas on Gingers by Sarko.

Sarkozy’s comments put him at odds with President Barack Obama who, in a speech in Grimsby this month, said that the U.S. prized freedom of hair colour: ‘We. Are not.  Going to tell people what colour. Their hair. Should be.’

He Is A Red!

A Typical Frenchman 

 

 

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