Spain Crash Out Of The World Cup! Ginger Sooty In Brazil

 

Ginger Sooty will keep you up to date with all the shenanigans and goings on in Brazil 2014. He filed this from Copacabananananana Beach.

Hello,

“Up comes Carlos Alberto on the right….” Ah yes 1970, the greatest football team ever assembled win the World Cup for the 3rd time and entrenches Brazil as the spiritual home of football.

So with the competition for 2014 in Brazil what could be better? I even donned me Carnival outfit and sashayed to Costa’s for a celebratory decaffeinated coffee – harder than you think when you are a glove puppet.

And why are grown men collecting Panini Stickers? – Got – Got – Need – Need indeed

The opening week has been brilliant.

Every game has had something to drool over, excessive saliva production is common amongst native Portuguese speakers. In fact so much spittle has been produced in Brazil that giant sponges are being used to mop the streets of Rio.

And boy oh boy is obesity popular amongst Latin Americans!

Their have been fine wins for Holland (shaliva shpectaculer) Brazil, Chile, USA, Mexico and Italy.

England managed to string 3 passes together on more than one occasion in their game against Italy but still lost to the Latin Layabouts. The only worry is Wayne Rooney – he looks like he has been partying with some Papua New Guinea head shrinkers such as his bonce diminished from the Oirish spudhead look.

Better Than That Welcome Mat On His Head!

Let’s hope we can beat Uruguay tonight to stay in the competition. If not INVADE this corn beef sweating arse end of South America!

Ahem.

Germany look good but the real shock has been the early demise of reigning champions Spain who lost last night to Chile and are out of the competition.  It’s a shame when a truly great team comes to the natural end of its cycle but boy they were good, possibly the greatest since Brazil 1970. This glove puppet for one will fondly look back on their brand of football inspired by Rudyard Kipling.

Yes Riki Tiki Taka Tava football changed the way we play the game. Forever.

Other Things To Ponder

We all love Iran now – They are not evil nutters hellbent on lobbing a nuclear warhead at us – they are avuncular chaps with beards and a deep commitment to parliamentary democracy. Crap at footie though.

Is the Swiss goalkeeper really made of cheese as some reports suggest?

The Japanese team play ancient Japanese folk melodies on nose flutes to celebrate scoring a goal.

Lionel Messi – the world’s greatest footballer – collects burglar alarms and has over 250 in his shed.

Enjoy the World Cup!

 

 

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Tony Blair Wants To Bomb His Local Indian Restaurant After Dodgy Chicken Tikka Masala

 

Narcissistic loon Tony Blair has called for his local Curry House to be bombed after the Chicken Tikka Masala he’d ordered turned out to be “Dodgy”.

As he told GFB,

“I was with the Chairs of Goldman Sachs, EXXON and Halliburton outlining my plans for peace in the Middle East by bombing the shite out of the place.  Only bombing will bring about the long-lasting peace we in the West deserve. Mass slaughter will open their eyes to my genius.

The curry turns up and the chicken was a ropey.  The owners are Bengali and Muslim – after all I have done for Muslims!  So I got on the blower to the RAF to order them to launch a few Sidewinders into the “Passage To India”.

“They told to me to “Fuck Off You Nutter!”

Me! Tony!

So, I called me old muckers Bill Clinton and George W to see if the Yanks could strike and y’know what? They never returned my call! Me! After all I’ve done for America!

There’s always Vladimir – he’s a chum now – especially as I am considering being a peace envoy for Ukraine – worth a few bob that gig.

As I said 10 years ago. History will be my judge. For without me there would be no peace in Iraq today. Does anybody know where a good curry house is though?”

“Cos We’re Worth It!”

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Brazil! World Cup 2014 – Prince Charles’ Take On The Competing Nations – Part 3

The World Cup Is Here!

Brazil is hosting the tournament.

Prince Charles provides his rounded view of the 32 Nations taking part. Here is his take on the Groups E and F.

Group E

Switzerland – Neutral, Heidi worshipping Nazi gold hoarders who like cheese with holes in – Bastards to a man.

Ecuador – Bandy legged coca leaf chewers and purveyors of silly hats – belching is a national obsession.

France – Shoulder shrugging arseholes who we had to save in World Wars 1 and 2. They still try to shaft us at every opportunity.  Mama still refers to De Gaulle as “That Big Conked French Wanker.” They don’t wash and all smell of garlic. Brigit Bardot though – PHWOARRR!

Honduras – A country with the highest murder rate in the world. Nothing else to do apparently. Apart from sweat. The country only has 7 dentists.

 

Group F

Argentina – Tangoing, cheating Barrio dwellers who have tried to con us out of every World Cup since 1875. The Falklands are British and even speccy Pope Argy won’t get his hands on them!

Bosnia and Herzegovina – Their name takes longer to say than the length of time they will be in the competition. Because of them we have to suffer James Blunt. 

Iran – A land of hairy arsed Yank baiters who hide nuclear waste material down their trousers.Lovely carpets though. Can I have one?

Nigeria – Email scamming juju obsessed con artists who have a problem with educating girls. Bring back the Empire!

 

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Look Who Is Wearing Monica Lewinsky’s Dress!

Hello,

With Bill Clinton on the stump for Obama we have unearthed several remarkable photos showing how popular Monica’s Lewinsky’s dress complete with spill, became amongst the great and the good a few years ago.

You couldn’t make it up! (But we did)

Is that Mahmoud Have-I-Had-Me-Dinner-Yet? President of Iran wearing Monica’s Dress?

Lovely Legs

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