Ginger Beauty With Oily George

Hello Folks,

Oily George has proved very popular! His no nonsense advice and knowledge of erotica make him the ideal adviser on all things aesthetic, prosthetic or pneumatic.

He is between tanning sessions at the moment and so has the time to answer some more of your pressing beauty questions.

If You Want To Get Ahead Get A Hat

Oily,

I have recently bought a nice new bobble hat. The bobble is a thing of rare beauty. But can you help me?

Do I wear the bobble atop me head or do I wear the bobble on the rear of my bonce. This bobble wobble is causing me angst.

Wilton, Braintree

Oily Replies;

Hi there Wilty,

I can’t believe there are those who actually wear bobble hats in public. In private it is understandable. On my fun nights in I often wear a nun’s outfit  (watch out for my upcoming docu/drama Wimper in a Wimple to find out more)  However I would never wear it in public. The shame in being seen in black here in the Plastic State would be too much to bear. Plus it ain’t conducive to topping up on the old tan. So really Wilton I’d leave the bobble at home. Go for the fedora. Classy. Smoooth.

Oily

Blood Simple

Dear Oily

Recently I went on holiday. Whilst on the Road to Nowhere I was queuing up at the security checkpoint when I noticed that the lady in front of me was suffering from a bad dose of extenuating circumstances. Have you any advice for the next time this happens to my wife?

Charley Husker-Du, Happysville

Oily Replies

Dear Charley,

In the Careful-There’s-A-Childs-Bike-Outside market that I cater for, this very problem is one that frequently causes us to run over budget as many of our actresses suffer from the same problem. Best bet? Go to the Chemist’s and buy some blood (or black pudding) – and spread liberally on the scalp of your dear wife.

No Charles not on her boobs – what do you take me for, some sort of low rent Winneresque pervert? Just her scalp. Leave for 10 minutes. Then lick it off. Slowly. It will work trust me. My actresses were eternally grateful that I did this for them but hey I take the employer/employee relationship to heart. Collapsing and getting my stomach pumped was a small price to pay for my girls health and well being.

Yours,

Ever Giving

Oily

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