Australian Toilets Bamboozled Me – By Bob On The Pot

Hello Folks,

Well we are back from our trip “Down Under”. I enjoyed Australia. We stayed in the resort of Wollombonggongerianty. The town’s slogan was, “Playground For Functioning Illiterates”.

Oz water swirls in a anti-clockwise direction! Watching a floater bravely battle for survival in an unusal direction fascinated me for several hours.

“Magnetic Pole”, Bruce our taciturn concierge told me. He still mourns the death of Bon Scott.

So ever the one with a scientific mind, when I returned home I sought to place a spoon Geller like, on the forehead of Zgbniew Zzzzzgmrboniak, our local Polish builder. Safe to say the spoon fell off.

Magnetic Poles my arse.

I am back at work.

I was involved in a repossession.

Sir Amethyst Yeast-Gravel had failed to pay his Council Tax. The poor old chap is potless. Should take a leaf out of my cousin Terry’s book and consider armed robbery as a career option.

Anyway before I took possession of goods to the value of what Sir Yeast-Gravel owed, his noblilityness kindly allowed me to use his facilities.

You could tell he was posh because of the a copy of Horse and Hound as the in-store reading material.

I like horses. Legs, Necks, Tails. They’ve got the lot.

Couldn’t ride a horse though. Suffer from Stirrup Ankle.

But at least the water in the bowl swirls in the direction it should. Bloody Australians taking liberties with my evacuations. You can tell a lot about a country by the way it treats its sewage.

My Dad used to say to me, “Your stool is your best friend.” I don’t have a clue either.  Strange man was Dad. He thought he was 3 parts human and 1 part pigeon.

Bob

 

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Sarah Palin’s Lovelife – Is She Dating Justin “Trouserworm” Bieber?

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Pointless Ginger Wig Adaptations – #23 Piers Morgan

The Chubby Chancer Himself!

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Sarah Palin’s Lovelife – Is She Dating Piers Morgan?

The regular reader of Gfb will know that we keep a close eye on the colourful love life of political Titan and toilet roll winder Sarah Palin. Well, it seems as though the ideological base camp for the Pea Tarty has a new man in her life.

Piers Morgan!

Yes, the chubby chancer from Blighty who has done his profile no harm in the US with his views on Gun Laws has been locked in a passionate triste with Mama Grizzly. They met at a If You Don’t Own A Bazooka You Are A Fag Commie event in Idaho organised by The National Arm Everyone To The Teeth And We Will All Be Safer And If You Believe That You Really Are A Deranged Loon Association.

Hank A-Lynchin’ spokesman for the NAETTTAWWABSAIYBTYRAADLA, told Gfb, “Eat lead Limey!” before rushing off to make duck noises with a wooden implement as is his constitutional right.

Sarah confided to a close pal, “Piers may want gun control but boy oh boy can he handle his weapon!”

Sarah’s children Colt, Glock, Smith n Weston and Kalashnikov, love it when Piers pops round and bares his arms, as they reveal tattoos of Lassie and Simon Cowell.

Gfb asked Professor Pat Isserie, Lecturer in Lechering, University of Manitoba, for his views on these developments. “Phwoarr!” he said.

We wish them well.

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When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

Hello Folks,

Bob Lewington here again.

When I’m on the pot, I like to read a lot. It’s a man thing!

I was involved in a repossession yesterday. Sir Amethyst Yeast-Gravel had failed to pay his Council Tax. Sad to see the nobility falling on hard times.

They should take a leaf out of my cousin Terry’s book and consider armed robbery as a career option.

Anyway before I took possession of goods to the value of what Sir Yeast-Gravel owed, his noblilityness kindly allowed me to use his facilities.

You could tell he was posh because a copy of Horse and Hound was the in-store reading material.

I like horses. beautiful creatures. Legs, Necks, Tails. They’ve got the lot in my opinion. I like to spend Saturday afternoons with me mates in The Nervous Budgie supping a few pints of Beater and having a bet.

Never ridden a horse though! Saddles give me the collywobbles and just thinking about stirrups causes my rash to break out.

Where’s the Calamine lotion?

Best Wishes

Bob

By the by, Sir Yeast-Gravel had a very nice antique Blunderbuss hanging over his living room mantelpiece, which more than covered the amount due.

Terry thinks he can find a use for it, in a sawn off, customised version.

Pimp My Musket!

Read Full Post »

When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

Hello Folks,

Bob Lewington here again.

When I’m on the pot, I like to read a lot. It’s a man thing!

I was involved in a repossession yesterday. Sir Amethyst Yeast-Gravel had failed to pay his Council Tax. Sad to see the nobility falling on hard times.

They should take a leaf out of my cousin Terry’s book and consider armed robbery as a career option.

Anyway before I took possession of goods to the value of what Sir Yeast-Gravel owed, his noblilityness kindly allowed me to use his facilities.

You could tell he was posh because of the a copy of Horse and Hound as the in-store reading material.

I like horses. beautiful creatures. Legs, Necks, Tails. They’ve got the lot in my opinion. I like to spend Saturday afternoons with me mates in The Nervous Budgie supping a few pints of Beater and having a bet.

Never ridden a horse though! Saddles give me the collywobbles and just thinking about stirrups causes my rash to reappear.

Where’s the Calamine lotion?

Best Wishes

Bob

By the by, Sir Yeast-Gravel had a very nice antique Blunderbuss hanging over his living room mantelpiece, which more than covered the amount due.

Terry thinks he can find a use for it, in a sawn off, customised version.

Pimp My Musket!

Read Full Post »