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gingercrowd

 

Hello!

We posted a week or two ago about the great scrolls found in a Canister in Norway by Robert Hamstrangler, Norway’s greatest anthropologist and hot water blower upper that told the story of Ginger Volk.

Here is Part 1!

narvik

THE GINGER SCROLLS PART ONE – THE DEPARTURE

Note; The following translation of the Ginger Scrolls is based upon the original work of Professor Tor Legolam, Professor of Nonsense at Bergen University. The Scrolls were discovered in a canister by a man coated in reindeer spittle in October 1927.

A gerbil was also found in this canister.

In all over 1,000 pages was discovered. The Ghingar language employed 34 vowels, 212 consonants and could locate a cedilla over the letter A after it followed GH, at no less than 37 separate angles of elevation.

Gingerfightback’s editorial board has decided to concentrate on the main narrative contained in the Scrolls.

Part 1 is known as “The Departure” and concerns itself with the departure of the final few hundred Ghingars from their beloved homeland and the journey towards their new lands west and south.

 It is impossible to establish with true veracity where the Ghingars finally alighted, but using DNA tests from ginger people in Southern France and examining the contents of mummified Ghingars discovered in Southern France in the late nineteenth century it would be fair to assume that they landed in Southern France.

This is confirmed in Part 3 of the Scrolls entitled “We Landed in Southern France”. A few landed in bonny Scotland due to the accelerated melting of their lard hair boats.

Professor Legolam’s favoured textual translation method is based upon the Albensian system of translation of the ancient texts, perfected by Cardinal Pietro Albensian in the late13th century.

The basic metronomic approach to translation in this manner can be found in the “Digitales Summa Orbis” written by Albensian and his brother Ted the Knife in 1287.

 Recent studies of the Albensian techniques point to the fact that the Cardinal, or Ted the Knife were probably dyslexic and so given all this carry on what you are about to read is probably not very accurate at all and hardly worth the effort. Still now that you have read this far you may as well carry on for a bit and find out a little of the history of ginger folk.

Enjoy!

** Poetry was an intrinsic element of the Ghingar culture as they found expressing themselves in verse to be a far more effective way of communicating in the perishing cold. The poems recited in the Scrolls are an attempt by the author to reflect the mood, tenor and verve of the times. For further reading we would suggest the following;

Notes on Ginghar Poetry and Polemics – Douglas Sandwell – OUP (445 pages with some nice join the dots pictures for when you get bored and also a cut out and keep Ludo set)

The Ghingars –Battling the Cedilla – Douglas Sandwell – OUP (657 Pages with a cut out and keep ice berg and waterfall)

More Ghingars – Please Somebody Buy It! – Douglas Sandwell – OUP (1,234 Pages with a built in sleeping bag and feathery pillow).

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The Ginger Scrolls Part of Part One – The Departure

Of my name there is no cause for you to know. I am nameless but not silent. For these tales must be set down, their words appropriated from the mouths of others and our tragedy told. These words will not be tethered to this script dear friend. No! They are freeborn and will fly around this earth and the great bright skies in the North will act as permanent testimony of our suffering yet passion for life untrammeled by that suffering.

Carried by the beating wings of the great Gull, Exeretheon, the Night Flyer our tales will be told and recalled for all time.

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Words of passion, wisdom, hope and of love for our homeland and of our people. Words can be the heartbeat between two lovers, the blood that flows between kin or the bile that proposes enmity between men.

We, the Ghingar always value words as tools of joy and hope. We would use them to sing, tell tales and even dance amongst them on our nights of festivals, before the Sun departed us for the other realms of the great heavens where she bade other people light and sustenance.

Our words to her, warm to the touch and comforting to the feel, bade her speedy return but offered her safe passage to her new home and the peoples who would bathe in her rays and affection.

The Ghingar people. Taken from our homelands by those evil pillars of famine and fear that forced us to roam amongst mortal man and his surly ways to ensure our kin hath future enough. We shall return to our home when the stars in the heavens bid it so.

The stars are not hung in the sky by your Gods or our Gods for amusement. They are there to guide, to inspire and to allow us to dream of other worlds.

But truth, dear friend we know not when that glorious day beckons us North once more and to the comfort of the shores and the ice that we called our Home. We people are from far North, distant from your own tribulations and vapours. A world so barren and untouched by the guilt and pleasures of other men that it will remain lost to all until we return.

Hard as life was and as dark as it was, those lands, icy, cold, fearful of strangers and a little bit weird – (translation note; the original Ghingar word here is Maleanstoricbmisltistr – which literally translates as “those who do not always allow the ice to melt before they drink it” – we think that weird is a close enough approximation of that term.) – But they were our lands. Our home.

Malady for loss is something all Ghingars carry. We grieve.

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For so long isolated from other groups we had learned to live in peace with each other.

A land of hope, benign gods, tuneful music and a world of smiles. That is why the outsiders gave them the name Ghingar, from the ancient Arctic Empire tongue of our kings meaning “Those who smile”.

But we are not a people to dwell in the past. Indeed our land was governed by only three laws. Not to kill. To always seek shelter from the sun. Never revisit the past with sad intention.

Only the dead were entitled to declare war upon another nation and only those given sanctuarial position were allowed to venture past the great Buttock of Truth, erected before memory began it is said, to protect our people from those with barbarous intent. No God we worshipped only the Sun, fearing its long absences in the cold winter months would hasten our demise,

“Hasten to me morning Sun

That I may bask in thy balmy rays

Hasten to me morning Sun

That I may enjoy the best of days

 

Do not leave so soon morning Sun

That I will have to endure

Darkness and the stalk of night

And deaths tainted allure”

 

Ours was a simple world, made good by kindness, potatoes and a lack of foot disorders.

Part 2 to follow……….

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Ginger history is shrouded in mystery.

In the academic world argument has raged over the “Ginger Origin” question for 150 years.

There is the Derby School who cling with limpet like passion to the idea that Gingers originated in the Derbyshire Peaks, based upon the digs of the archeologist Maurice Picker in the late 19 Century.

Picker uncovered a large Stone Age encampment on the outskirts of Matlock and observed “…the overriding sense of gingeriness within the place. I for one become covered head to toe in freckles!”

Although he was barking,  Picker’s theory became established orthodoxy amongst gingerologists. His theories were only challenged in 1934 when in the Guadalajara peninsula ancient Inca papers, now known as the Popomatic Texts, were unearthed.

Translated by Herbert Sctonlicker in 1935, these papers suggest that the origin of “Ein redheadshers” actually lay in the isthmus of Central America, just north of the Panama Canal. They suggested to Sctonlicker that, “ein incidencen de ein gingermenschen eist ova da strasse from der bierkeller os Bob.”

Whilst it may seem strange that a pub run a man named Bob in Panama could in anyway have something to do with the origins of Gingers there does seem to be some veracity in Sctonlicker views.

This is because the “Bob” mentioned in the translation is non other than Robert Hamstrangler, Norway’s greatest anthropologist.

Hamstrangler had two passions in his life. Cross Country skiing and blowing up hot water bottles to prove his lung function.

narvik

In his native town of Narvik, hot water bottle blowing (or Huffty Puffty in Norwegian) remains popular to this day and a male suitor displays his worthiness to a potential mate by bursting a hot water bottle and reciting a passage from Ibsen’s Enemy of the People.

In October 1907 Hamstrangler was skiing on the outskirts of Narvik with his fiancé Marta, a heavy limbed girl from proud fishing stock and was attempting to burst his mother’s quilted bottle on the move (known as Ruffty Huffty Puffty) a dangerous manouvre at the best of times.

As he struggled with his task, Hamstrangler noticed among the rocky outcrops a small cave. He approached the opening, laid down his hot water bottle and peered inside.

The gap was no larger than 8 inches, yet inside the chamber Hamstrangler could see an aged canister. The barren landscape provided neither twig or branch to prise the canister toward him.

They say fortune is a bedfellow of grace. Despite his inability to grasp the canister, his years of hot water bottle bursting gave him the ability to suck the canister from the cave and land it with puckered force on his lips.

canister

Inside the canister were shredded and blood splattered papers. They were in a language that neither Hamstrangler or Marta (now certain to marry the golden lunged Titan) could decipher.

The local minister Per Tart could not help, so Hamstrangler took the canister to nearby Bergen University.

Professor Tor Legolam, the University’s professor of Nonsense, recognized the texts as a cross between ancient Norse and the language of the Inca’s.

Legolam a keen friend of the Starling and campaigner against Huffty Puffty, was so shocked by what he discovered, he ordered the canister sealed and placed in Bergen University’s “Vaults of Nonsense” (or Valhalla Bollox in Norwegian).

gingercrowd

These papers became known as the Ginger Scrolls.

Gingerfightback has been granted access to the Scrolls so that our readers (yes all 3 of you) can become aware of the true history of Gingers.

Over the next 12 years we will reveal them……….in full………

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The Scream by Munch (pronounced Munk, not Munch as in chomping on a cheese sandwich).

As Brian Banning-Order commented, “The Scream is the cream of the crop when it comes to paintings of people holding their heads and screaming.”

 

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Ginger Is A State Of Mind

Warhol. One word. One man.

“Ginger Wigs”.

A collection of Ginger Wigs. Wigs that are Ginger.

So brave. So challenging. So daring. So-da Stream.

 

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Which came first?

 

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“I was a victim of bullying back in school. My advice is to always tell someone straight away and ask for help. Keeping it to yourself will only be more damaging in the long run.” Liam Payne, One Direction.

Louis Evans was picked on and taunted throughout his schooldays for his bright ginger hair has beaten the bullies by creating a successful modelling career for himself. Louis has appeared on the catwalks of London Fashion Week and in the pages of British Vogue.

And it was his ginger hair, which was the reason he was bullied for years, that has made him so popular!

louis

Louis Evans As A Schoolkid And Today

Whilst growing up he was targeted for the way he looked. ‘It was quite difficult growing up in a small town. People are very close-minded. Back at home there were stereotypes about gingers.  I didn’t let it affect me though and I tried not to let it affect my confidence.’

Some Tips On How To Deal With Bullying

If you or a friend are being bullied, it can sometimes feel like nothing can make it stop, especially if it has been happening for a long time.

Here are some practical tips, phone numbers and websites you can use for dealing with bullying.

If you are being bullied always remember – you are not alone and there is always someone willing to listen and help.

What is bullying?

Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It includes name calling, spreading hurtful rumours, excluding someone from groups, taking possessions or money, hitting, pushing or kicking and unwanted sexual touch. Cyberbullying has the same effect as face to face bullying but takes place over the internet or through phones.

Bullying is often driven by prejudice and can be targeted at someone’s gender, culture, religion or perceived sexuality. Children and young people may also find themselves a target because of a disability, disfigurement, illness or hair colour.

What can I do if I’m being bullied?

  • Firstly it is not your fault! Whatever the person, or people bullying you have said, this is everything to do with their negative thoughts and behaviour, and nothing to do with you. Believe that you deserve better and seek help.
  • Talk to someone. Problems rarely get better by keeping them inside. If you can, talk to an adult that you trust – like your parent or a teacher.
  • Talk to friends that you trust. Or contact Childline (see details below).
  • Protect yourself – if you can, avoid situations where you are likely to be bullied. Never retaliate with violent actions such as hitting or punching – this can lead to you being seriously hurt or getting in trouble yourself. If the bullying is online, block or unfriend contacts that are being abusive. Make sure you have the highest privacy settings.If you are not sure how to do this then ask for help.
  • Take part in activities outside of school – or wherever the bullying is taking place, that help to raise your confidence and make you feel good about yourself. Some ideas could include Guides and Scouts, cadets, drama and dance classes, art classes, exercise classes and swimming. Remember that you deserve the very best in life.
  • If the bullying is making you feel very desperate and scared then don’t take it out on yourself – get immediate help. You can contact Childline any time, night or day for support and advice.

If you need help or advice about bullying there are helplines and websites that can provide you with information and support:

Helplines

ChildLine – ChildLine is the UK’s free, confidential helpline for children and young people. They offer advice and support, by phone and online, 24 hours a day. Whenever and wherever you need them, they’ll be there. Call 0800 1111.

Cybermentors – CyberMentors is a safe social networking site providing information and support for young people affected by bullying.

EACH  – EACH has a freephone Actionline for children experiencing homophobic bullying: 0808 1000 143. It’s open Monday to Friday 10am-5.00pm.

REMEMBER YOU ARE NEVER ALONE AND THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE READY TO LISTEN AND HELP

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This week, Hermione re-imagines a traditional English folk tale;

 

As I was going to Strawberry Fair

Singing, singing buttercups and daisies

I met a maiden selling her wares, Fol de dee!

Her eyes were blue and ginger her hair

It was all a bit Laura Ashley for my liking

And that’s not her natural colour if you ask me

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Hello,

Last month I wrote about – “National Kick A Ginger Day” after Ginger haired kids in a Yorkshire school were set upon by other pupils. Purely because they had ginger hair.

You can read the post in here in full

I was worried that in the future we would hear how this concoction of physical and cyber bullying will lead to serious injury to an innocent kid who happens to be Ginger – but it is OK  – it was only done “for a laugh” and “no harm was meant.”

Simon Walters, below was just 14 years of age when he hung himself in his Smethwick home last October because of taunts and abuse from other pupils about his ginger hair. 

Simon Walters who committed suicide in October last year

I would like to point out the “Kick A Ginger Day” is still scheduled for November 20th and there remain Facebook accounts open to promote this nonsense.

Twitter has a #kickagingerday thread doing the rounds now.

Please contact Facebook to close these pages down and also Tweet to counter the thoughtless nonsense on  #kickagingerday .

A tasteless joke is spiralling out of control. It is only a hair colour after all.

Thanks

For  confidential  support call the Samaritans in the UK on 08457 90 90 90.

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This is where it all started – our chart sensation which failed to trouble the charts a couple of years ago. Time for a re-re-re-re-release!

How many can you name? Cash prizes could be on offer. Maybe. Perhaps. Not Really.

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We have had Lord Bradley and Sir Ed winning Gold, now we have a ginger bloke (proper ginger to, none of your strawberry blonde rubbish) taking gold in the Long Jump!

He may have a sandy bottom but WHO CARES! Earl Greg of The Rutherford!

GINGERJUMPBACK!

Weeeeeeee!

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