“I Was Taking Drugs For Britain!” Says Crackhead In The Cupboard

Hi Kids,

It is your duty to take drugs!

 

As the Government now includes proceeds from drugs and prostitution in official statistics I am proud that my Crack habit has helped pull the country out of recession. I’m not sure how statisticians arrived at these figures (exhaustive research must have been undertaken).

Prostitution should no longer be seen as drug addled women being pimped by scum to pay for their heroin addiction but as a bold, nay noble effort to get the country back on its feet, up against a wall or in a car or in a bus shelter…..

Makes ya proud to be British!

Beats me why would Scotland wish to become independent!

Uncle Crackhead

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2014 Budget Reveals What The Tories Think Of Britain

The 2014 budget and subsequent #ToryBingo furore has led many to ask? What things do hardworking people really enjoy? To answer this question GFB has undertaken an exclusive poll of hardworking people and the results show that it’s not just bingo and beer hardworking people enjoy.

Top 10 things that hardworking people enjoy;

1 – Being slapped on the buttocks with a rolled up copy of The Sun.

2 – Eating chips

3 – Biting cats

4 – Opening letters addressed to their neighbours

5 – Smoking crack

6 – Masturbating whilst watching Benefits Street

7 – Holidaying in Lanzarote

8 – Auditioning for X Factor

9 – Watching granny porn (fave film ‘Gum Jobs’)

10 – Twitter and Facebook trolling

Daniel Wankstain coalition insider commented, “The Government will be thrilled with the results of GFB’s poll. We know we’re in tune with the hardworking and indeed for that matter the handwanking people of Britain. Who doesn’t like a game of bingo and a warm can of Fosters on a Friday night? But as a Government we know we can do more and are actively working on free porn credits for older people, cat biting lessons for unemployed young people and Crack on prescription for single parents and the disabled. Now, got to dash, it’s Happy Hour in the Commons Bar, tally ho!’

Deficit? What Deficit?

Just remember we are all in this together!

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