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Posts Tagged ‘Evolution’

Easter Island.

The very name evokes feeling of, if nothing else, Easter and Islands.

German professor Emeritus Of Made Up Cobblers, Hans Sandwich recently discovered Giant Ginger Haired Statues in the bit of the Island nobody has ever explored before.

“Ven I Valked To Dees Place, I Vos Wery Shocked By Vot I Saw – Dee Giganticsch Gingereisch Shtatchews – Vous Could Have Knockedeish Me Ova Wid A Fedder.” Commented Doctor Sandwich, who also suffers from Capslock syndrome.

Allow yourself to postulate what the discovery of the Giant Ginger Statues Of Easter Island means to the evolution of humankind in Polynesia all those years ago.

A pixelated conundrum for sure…..

easter 2

Where Are We From?

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The train hurtled west toward Exeter.

The buffet manager had just announced the unavailability of hot drinks or hot snacks due to his “nerves being at him”. This proved disappointing news for a number of passengers desperate for a cuppa.

Except one.

For train journeys, Sidney Sheldon always carried a thermos flask with him. Partly from experience of defunct buffets but also due to his parsimonious nature.

The woman opposite him, thirsty, tired and irritable watched as retired Civil Servant Sidney, poured a cup of coffee for himself. He sipped, savouring the chicory taste and looked out of the carriage window. The train sped past a field. In the field were sitting a herd of cows.

Rain on the way, Sidney thought to himself.

The cows watched the diesel leviathan thunder past and hove out of sight.

“It’s gone. Fooled them again!” lowed Melinda, the matriarch of the herd and champion milk producer. The cows stood up and wandered to the north west corner of the field.

“Are you alright Buttercup?” Melinda asked.

“It’s me guts,” Buttercup replied, “Last night’s curry has gone right through me.” A mountain of slurry emitted from her back passage, “Careful where you walk everyone.”

“So, who thinks Bolt will win the one hundred metres?” Melinda asked. A number of the herd mooed appreciatively.

“Blake?” Fewer moos.

“Gay?” One or two foolhardy souls gave their support.

“Powell?” Silence, save for the buzzing of a few flies. “He’s a bottle merchant,” Buttercup muttered dismissively.

“Can I ask a question Melinda?” It was Cindy the three week old calf, who a few minutes earlier had managed to jam her head between the bars of the field’s gate.

“Certainly Cindy.”

“Why do we have tails?”

“Tails?”

“Yeah.”

The herd looked amongst each other.  No-one had ever thought to ask this question before. They then turned to Melinda. If anyone knew, she would.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well I’ve seen foxes, horses, dogs and even that old tomcat around the farmyard. They all run fast, use their for balance. We don’t run fast or even run for that matter. So why do we have tails? And why are the pigs tails all curly? And why are sheeps tails so small?”

“Have you heard of Darwin’s theory of Evolution?” Melinda said with authority.

“No” replied Cindy, “Mum’s a Creationist.”

“Right. Ok. We will talk later. First things first though. The 15.28 to Paddington is due. Everyone to their positions!”

The herd retraced their steps to their allotted spaces and lay down for a spot of Bovine japery. Clementine and Maude even laid on their backs with their legs in the air!

Onboard the 15.28 Audrey Tordrey sat in first class bemoaning the fact that there was no trolley service due to “recent relationship difficulties”. She was weighing up whether to walk to the buffet and claim her free beverage and snack of choice.

She stared out of the window as the train sped past a field. In the field were a herd of cows. All were sitting save for two who were lying on their backs with their legs in the air.

Lucky I brought my brolly, Audrey thought.

The cows watched the diesel leviathan thunder past and hove out of sight.

As Melinda pondered Cindy’s question, there was a kerfuffle from the direction of the gate. She heard Cindy cry out, “Mum! Mum! I’ve got my head stuck again!”

Melinda swished her tail and pondered the mysteries of life.

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