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Posts Tagged ‘Drug Abuse’

QE2

Buckingham Palace today issued a statement telling us that Her Royal Queeness is upset over allegations surrounding Prince Randy Andy and his nonce mates.

Lord Edward Sneer, Keeper of the Royal Spittoon told Gfb’s newshound, Daphne Kerplunk, “It is all a tissue of lies about Randy Andy. It has to be. The man is a complete bellend. He has as much intelligence as a damp flannel.”

Prince Charles came out in support of his younger brother by insisting that Andrew’s “enormous” appetite for  heroin and cocaine made it highly unlikely that his interests extended “in that direction.”

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“Even his favourite nag likes a bag of ganja now and again!” Chirped Charlie.

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Randy’s Horse – Roach

He then garbled, “One must understand that one’s talking to plants and one’s bogies constitutes all the qualifications one requires to be Monarch. Hurry up and pop thine clogs Mama,” before hopping over a fence to resume a conversation with a neighbour’s herbaceous border.

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Hi Kids,

It is your duty to take drugs!

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As the Government now includes proceeds from drugs and prostitution in official statistics I am proud that my Crack habit has helped pull the country out of recession. I’m not sure how statisticians arrived at these figures (exhaustive research must have been undertaken).

Prostitution should no longer be seen as drug addled women being pimped by scum to pay for their heroin addiction but as a bold, nay noble effort to get the country back on its feet, up against a wall or in a car or in a bus shelter…..

Makes ya proud to be British!

Beats me why would Scotland wish to become independent!

Uncle Crackhead

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As you know we are always being told to have 5 a day! I couldn’t agree more!

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I recommend a Marijuana, Vodka, Crack, Speed, Smack sandwich – on locally sourced Wholegrain naturally.

No butter as it is bad for the heart.

Peace and Love

Uncle Crackhead

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Hello

Gingerfightback gained access to the Royal Stud yesterday to nab this picture of the racehorse owned by The Queen who has failed a drugs test (the horse that is not Her Majesty – although she is partial to Charles’ organic Duchy Originals Ganja).

The photo clearly shows the horse named Have A Bang On This Little Number, abusing drugs in a most unseemly manner.

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Pink Floyd Really Speaks To Him

 

The Queen was unavailable for comment as she was in Scotland to open the  Commonwealth Games. To celebrate this great day for the land of the long sweaty sock, Liz festooned her bonnet with Scotch Eggs!

QE2

One Has The Munchies

 

 

 

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Hi Kids,

Smoking Tobacco Is Bad For YOU!

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This applies to Cigarettes, Cigars, Cigarillos and Pipes (but not crack pipes). I would also counsel against smoking petrol, carpets and/or soap.

Do not confuse this with smoking fish. That is an ancient custom which provides a marvellous erm..erm….smokey taste to fish. Do not confuse this with fish that smoke – they have no hands, access to matches/lighters and being water based creatures……..you get my drift.

Just remember you’ve only got one set of lungs, but hundreds and hundreds of veins!

So Kids – SAY NO TO CIGARETTES (BUT YES TO OPIATES!)

Peace and Love

Uncle Crackhead

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Hello!

This is a first! We’ve been asked to “sausage” Rob Ford, Mayor of Toronto for the second time!

Brilliant writer and embarrassed Canadian, Trent Lewin asked for some further sausagification of a man who has disgraced himself, Toronto and Canada.

You can find Trent’s site HERE.

 

Rob wearing his ceremonial sausage and crack pipe.

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Rob demonstrating his famous “sausage through my brain” party trick!

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Now Rob sports a sausage vertically through his brain.

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IS THERE ANYONE OR ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE A SAUSAGE APPLIED TO?

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Hi Kids,

 

cupboard crackhead copy

Whilst I am a lowly Crackhead In A Cupboard, I still remember me P’s and Q’s towards my Crack supplier.

Although the benefits of this polite approach were not immediate (necessitating several trips to A and E to sew my knees back on) at least  “The Turk” only beats my withered arm as punishment for tardy payment.  Even then I manage a chirpy smile and wish him all the best as he leaves the cupboard!

So Kids – Always remember to say please and thank you! Manners cost nothing!

 

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