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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the Sochi 2014 Olympics that are, quite simply Sochi 2014.

PHEW! What a day!

Somebody from somewhere slid down a hill quicker than somebody else from somewhere else to claim gold in the sliding down the hill quickly competition. Made for great TV.

Britain got a medal! Well done Jenny Jones for sliding down the bannister so well!

Also, we saw a German Ski Jumper with the surname Wank! Schoolboy titters all round. Especially as a pulled off a big one! But he didn’t come first. Luckily.

WANK

A couple of sports for you to look out for today.

1. Ice Donkey Dangling – How long can you dangle from a donkey naked in temperatures below 35 degrees celsius? When I tell you the Mohammed Algibber from Egypt can dangle for twenty-three days without food, water or “natural break” you will realise  this sport combines, endurance, pointlessness and chafing in equal measure. His nipples can score glass afterwards.

Team GB’s hopes rest with titchy Welshman Dai Do-Rail.

2.Bladder Blast! –  Drink heartily, step out into the snow and write your name in a drift. Current World Champion is Aleksander Kulimentshiovski. With all those letters…… The sport is not yet open to women due to rows about cone technology.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.

PHEW! What a day!

Ki Bo-Bae from Korea won gold in the women’s individual archery final by defeating Mexico’s Aida Roman in a sudden death shoot out.

She got her in the head.

Who’d have thought that Archery was so brutal? Still, it  made for great television and a Priest was on hand to administer last rights and hang the silver around the prone Roman’s neck.

A Chinese man won the Table Tennis. There’s a surprise. Listened to it on the radio. Doesn’t lend itself to radio does Table Tennis.

Finally, well done to our brave lads in their canoes! As the country that discovered water in 1967 this is only right.

A couple of sports for you to look out for today.

1. Donkey Dangling – First popularised is Ancient Babylon. Ask yourself this question. How long can you dangle from a donkey? When I tell you the Mohammed Algreen from Egypt can dangle for twenty-three days without food, water or “natural break” you will realise  this sport combines, endurance, pointlessness and chafing in equal measure.

Algreen is the favourite. Team GB’s hopes rest with titchy Welshman Dai Do-Rail.

2. Toe Nail Triathlon – A true test of clippage skills this one. The triathlon covers;

Speed clipping (with no trailing cuticle).

The distance clip (marvel at the wrist action).

The reverse toe buff and varnish ((colour optional).

The Philipines have dominated this event for years. Sadly Team GB’s entrant Rupert Peveral has had to withdraw due to a nasty fungal infection around his left big toe.

Enjoy The Games!

Sooty

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